What do i do?

[FEDup1981]

Oh where do i start?

My son is nearly 3, and has his 1st day at pre-school 2moro. We tried when he turned 2, but the place we went to was awful. He was ignored, and cried for me all the time, and wouldnt let me out of his sight for weeks.

So now im worried about 2moro. First that he wont settle, and he will think ive abandoned him, and second about ME meeting new people. Ive got depression and anxiety and its really bad at the moment and i get so worked up when i have to talk to new people.

THEN - theres other things im getting myself worked up about. Jack is 3 in Feb, but hes NEVER done a wee on a potty, and hes NEVER drank from a cup like normal. Ive tried on both. Potty, he just wont sit on, and the cup he just sticks his tongue in it, he doesnt get what to do (he has one of them juice bottles with the pull up top like fruit shoot).

Im a crap mother, im so wrapped up in my own problems and dont know where to start or what to do next.

 

[Christine33]

didn't want to read and run
sending you lots of
your not a crap mum. anxiety and depression are real medical conditions that are crippling. meeting new people is scary - however, i always tell myself they are probably as nervous as i am!!!
your wee man may like this new nursery and make nice friends, don't let the previous bad experience put you off hun.



Christine
XX

 

[Lucy&Pard]

I dont know what to suggest except things you have probably tried. I know that the things you are talking about every mother worries about and tries really hard to do. You are not a crap mother and you should never think like that. Being a mum is the hardest job in the world. There are things we wish we could have done better with our children but we should just try and tackle things head on and stay positive. Think of the things that you have succeeded with Jack rather than the things where you arent quite there yet. He will get all these things. Stay positive xxxxx

 

[FEDup1981]

Thanks hun. I think nursery will be good for him, and i keep trying to prepare him that mummy will be going home, but coming back when he has finished playing, so fingers crossed that he doesnt think ive left him.

 

[hypnorm]

Ewan is almost 3 and a half and has only just really potty trained. he is still wet at night.
Ewan still has a sippy cup and so do most of the kids at playgroup he goes for 3 mornings a week. The playgroup should let you stay with him untill he is settled, and they provided me with a report of how he was each day. If he got too distressed then they would phone me.

 

[FEDup1981]

I dont know what to suggest except things you have probably tried. I know that the things you are talking about every mother worries about and tries really hard to do. You are not a crap mother and you should never think like that. Being a mum is the hardest job in the world. There are things we wish we could have done better with our children but we should just try and tackle things head on and stay positive. Think of the things that you have succeeded with Jack rather than the things where you arent quite there yet. He will get all these things. Stay positive xxxxx

This is true. Hadnt really thought like that. Just seems like we have been stuck in a rut for a long time and havent progressed. I know we will get there eventually but just feel embaressed that he cant do some things.

Thanks for ur kind words! x

 

[FEDup1981]

Ewan is almost 3 and a half and has only just really potty trained. he is still wet at night.
Ewan still has a sippy cup and so do most of the kids at playgroup he goes for 3 mornings a week. The playgroup should let you stay with him untill he is settled, and they provided me with a report of how he was each day. If he got too distressed then they would phone me.

Thats really interesting. I suppose because we dont know any other children i just go off what the books say he should be doing.

I didnt realise it was the norm for other 3yr olds to use sippy cups, and i thought most kids would be potty trained by 3. How wrong am i?! that really puts my mind at rest now.

I hope to stay with for most of the morning 2moro, and see where things go and get a feel of the place too.

Thank u everyone x

 

[Vickie]

I know my niece used a sippy cup until she was 5 or so. Completely normal on both fronts! And you are such a good mom

 

[babezone]

my nephew is 3 and stil isnt fully potty trained...boys are ment to take alot longer then girls but when they get the hang of it are ment to be quick at it. so dont worry yourself and yup hes still uses a sippy cup...your not a crap mum xxxx

 

[FEDup1981]

THANK U, THANK U, THANK U!!!

I feel so much better knowing that other kids his age use sippy cups, and arent toilet trained. Now ive just got to get past 2moro!!

 

[ryder]

nothing wron with sippy cups!!! every toddler I know uses one.

 

[leeanne]

First of all, you are not a crap mom!

My son was 4 when he was potty trained. I never stressed my kids out about it, always talked to them daily about it and in the end they did it themselves and never once bed wetted. I think too many get wrapped up into what a child should be doing at what age, especially with potty training. If you consistently talk to your child about the benefits of going on the toilet, etc. they will surprise you one day.

About school. Be strong and don't worry. In situations like this you have to use tough love because if you melt down once, they will play you. When bringing my kids to their first day of preschool, even though it broke my heart to hear them cry, I walked away. I see many moms give in and their kids play them over and over again.

We bring our kids up for a reason and that is so they lead an independent life later on.

 

[FEDup1981]

First of all, you are not a crap mom!

My son was 4 when he was potty trained. I never stressed my kids out about it, always talked to them daily about it and in the end they did it themselves and never once bed wetted. I think too many get wrapped up into what a child should be doing at what age, especially with potty training. If you consistently talk to your child about the benefits of going on the toilet, etc. they will surprise you one day.

About school. Be strong and don't worry. In situations like this you have to use tough love because if you melt down once, they will play you. When bringing my kids to their first day of preschool, even though it broke my heart to hear them cry, I walked away. I see many moms give in and their kids play them over and over again.

We bring our kids up for a reason and that is so they lead an independent life later on.

Thats so true! Thank u x

Good to know Jayden was 4, i dont feel as rushed now. I have tried a couple of times with Jack, but he didnt want to know, and each time i tried i felt it set him back a bit by hating the potty more. But im sick of the comments from grandparents tbh. I have never pushed it on him, cos i beleive he will do it in his own time, i just thought that by 3, he might have at least done one wee! Nevermind!

Its gonna be really hard for 2moro, but i think once he settles he will benefit loads from playing with other children. And i could do with the free time, for docs appointments etc, instead of relying on grandma.

Wish me luck girls! x

 

[sam's mum]

You are not a crap mum at all! Loads of kids aren't potty trained at Jack's age - they all have things that they are ahead of other kids with, and things where they are slightly behind, but it's nothing to worry about.

As for the pre-school, it sounds like it's the place you took him before that was the problem. If you're taking him somewhere with understanding staff and a good reputation, I'm sure you'll have no problems this time - it's so normal for them to cry when parents first leave, but most pre-school staff know exactly how to distract them and help them fit in. When my mum dropped my sister off for her first day she was screaming and didn't want to let go of her mum. My mum felt so guilty and was nearly in tears, and one of the staff persuaded her just to put my sister down and walk out. She'd got half way back to the car park when the lady ran after her to say that my sister was already happily playing with the other kids - I think it's probably worse for us than it is for them half the time, and I'm sure Jack will be fine, even if it takes him a couple of days to get used to being in a new place with new people x

 

[leeanne]

First of all, you are not a crap mom!

My son was 4 when he was potty trained. I never stressed my kids out about it, always talked to them daily about it and in the end they did it themselves and never once bed wetted. I think too many get wrapped up into what a child should be doing at what age, especially with potty training. If you consistently talk to your child about the benefits of going on the toilet, etc. they will surprise you one day.

About school. Be strong and don't worry. In situations like this you have to use tough love because if you melt down once, they will play you. When bringing my kids to their first day of preschool, even though it broke my heart to hear them cry, I walked away. I see many moms give in and their kids play them over and over again.

We bring our kids up for a reason and that is so they lead an independent life later on.

Thats so true! Thank u x

Good to know Jayden was 4, i dont feel as rushed now. I have tried a couple of times with Jack, but he didnt want to know, and each time i tried i felt it set him back a bit by hating the potty more. But im sick of the comments from grandparents tbh. I have never pushed it on him, cos i beleive he will do it in his own time, i just thought that by 3, he might have at least done one wee! Nevermind!

Its gonna be really hard for 2moro, but i think once he settles he will benefit loads from playing with other children. And i could do with the free time, for docs appointments etc, instead of relying on grandma.

Wish me luck girls! x

He will come home and tell you all about his time at school, the fun things he did, the friends he has. It is a big benefit to them, especially socially.

Sod the grandparents. When a child is ready, they will do it. Jayden just did it one day and there was no turning back. Your son will get there. Just keep talking to him. I am a firm believer that he won't be in diapers at 12

Good luck for tomorrow.

 

[leeanne]

You are not a crap mum at all! Loads of kids aren't potty trained at Jack's age - they all have things that they are ahead of other kids with, and things where they are slightly behind, but it's nothing to worry about.

As for the pre-school, it sounds like it's the place you took him before that was the problem. If you're taking him somewhere with understanding staff and a good reputation, I'm sure you'll have no problems this time - it's so normal for them to cry when parents first leave, but most pre-school staff know exactly how to distract them and help them fit in. When my mum dropped my sister off for her first day she was screaming and didn't want to let go of her mum. My mum felt so guilty and was nearly in tears, and one of the staff persuaded her just to put my sister down and walk out. She'd got half way back to the car park when the lady ran after her to say that my sister was already happily playing with the other kids - I think it's probably worse for us than it is for them half the time, and I'm sure Jack will be fine, even if it takes him a couple of days to get used to being in a new place with new people x

I agree that it also has to do with the staff and how they handle a child crying when their mother has left.

Amazing, my kids stopped crying a minute after I left. I had great preschool teachers and they distracted my kids right away.

 

[FEDup1981]

You are not a crap mum at all! Loads of kids aren't potty trained at Jack's age - they all have things that they are ahead of other kids with, and things where they are slightly behind, but it's nothing to worry about.

As for the pre-school, it sounds like it's the place you took him before that was the problem. If you're taking him somewhere with understanding staff and a good reputation, I'm sure you'll have no problems this time - it's so normal for them to cry when parents first leave, but most pre-school staff know exactly how to distract them and help them fit in. When my mum dropped my sister off for her first day she was screaming and didn't want to let go of her mum. My mum felt so guilty and was nearly in tears, and one of the staff persuaded her just to put my sister down and walk out. She'd got half way back to the car park when the lady ran after her to say that my sister was already happily playing with the other kids - I think it's probably worse for us than it is for them half the time, and I'm sure Jack will be fine, even if it takes him a couple of days to get used to being in a new place with new people x

Thats true - it was the place. He was ignored. They didnt try to distract him when i was leaving. He wasnt invited to have a drink or a snack. Silly things that made me and him hate the place. When i spoke to the lady on the phone at this new place she was lovely, so im hoping so much he settles.

Thanks, Youre really kind! I just got myself worked up that i felt i was neglecting him because he hadnt progressed. Im gonna try and relax about it now and let him lead the way.

 

[FEDup1981]

Big thanks to everyone who has posted. Ive got some great words of comfort and advice from you all and i feel so much better. Its nice to know people care enough to take the time to reply.

Im so pleased that ive learnt that Jack isnt really behind, and that hes probably average to other children. And thats fine by me, as long as hes happy.

 

[sam's mum]

You are not a crap mum at all! Loads of kids aren't potty trained at Jack's age - they all have things that they are ahead of other kids with, and things where they are slightly behind, but it's nothing to worry about.

As for the pre-school, it sounds like it's the place you took him before that was the problem. If you're taking him somewhere with understanding staff and a good reputation, I'm sure you'll have no problems this time - it's so normal for them to cry when parents first leave, but most pre-school staff know exactly how to distract them and help them fit in. When my mum dropped my sister off for her first day she was screaming and didn't want to let go of her mum. My mum felt so guilty and was nearly in tears, and one of the staff persuaded her just to put my sister down and walk out. She'd got half way back to the car park when the lady ran after her to say that my sister was already happily playing with the other kids - I think it's probably worse for us than it is for them half the time, and I'm sure Jack will be fine, even if it takes him a couple of days to get used to being in a new place with new people x

Thats true - it was the place. He was ignored. They didnt try to distract him when i was leaving. He wasnt invited to have a drink or a snack. Silly things that made me and him hate the place. When i spoke to the lady on the phone at this new place she was lovely, so im hoping so much he settles.

Thanks, Youre really kind! I just got myself worked up that i felt i was neglecting him because he hadnt progressed. Im gonna try and relax about it now and let him lead the way.

That place sounds awful. I would never have taken him back there again either. I'm sure the new place will be completely different x