What do you do while FOB visits with baby

[LilBean2010]

Ok - so I had my baby boy on 09/10/2010. He weighed a healthy 7 lbs, 14 ozs and is gaining every day. He is cute as a button!

FOB came to the hospital 2x at my invitation and then everything broke down. He flipped out about time with the baby, saying it wasn't enough, because I asked him if he could leave for a bit so I could sleep after a rough c-section. Fast forward to today and many, many not so nice conversations later...he is here visiting Sullivan. We did the DNA test yesterday (even though there is no question about who he belongs to) and he is seeing him today.

I plan to keep visitation in my home at least the first 3-4 months one for illness reasons, two breastfeeding (although I will pump) and three because the baby doesn't need to be shuffled about 45 minutes each way several times a week at such a young age.

What do you do while FOB visits with baby in your house? There is clearly a tension here...the elephant in the room...although I have done my best to be cordial and ask about his family, share info about the baby and so on. I am now sitting here typing this and trying not to be too "pushy" into his time...what else do I do? Does it get more comfortable with time?

Thanks for your input, Ladies! I have attached a picture of my Sullivan to this thread...I couldn't be more amazed by him!

 

[expecting09]

I can't answer because FOB doesn't see Kacie, but I just wanted to say baba is gorgeous, congrats

 

[Aidedhoney]

Huge congrats what a cutie xxx

Hmmmm does it get easier ermmmmm my experience sometimes haha depends on what an arse FOB is been at the time.
We split when Alex was 6 months and we have good visits and bad visits but my FOB isnt really that interested and only sees Alex every 2 wks (his choice)

Good luck hun xxx

 

[scottishgal89]

My ex doesn't see LO either but congratulations!!! He is totally gorgeous.
I hope the next little while goes okay for you. You know where we all are.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Awww he's gorgeous

When Lucas' Dad visits I just hand him Lucas and leave him to it. I tell him what the baby's been upto/anything new he's doing and give him a hand if he needs it getting him down for his nap (he'll usually only go to sleep on me). Other than that, that's about it, I'm not going to sit there and pretend like I don't hate his guts. My family are friendly enough with him but idk, my memory isn't that short.
Either way, it's friendlier than the reception I get at his house!

Tbh though you might be the only one noticing the tension. I don't know if it's because Lucas' dad is that thick (or maybe all men ), but he seemed shocked when I brought it up in mediation. Yeah, the first couple of times I was crying behind my sunglasses but oh it was friendly as ever! Eejit.
It does get easier though

 

[bloodbinds]

I'll let you know once FOB starts visiting Bella... :-/

He is gorgeous! How adorable I don't know what you do when he's there. Sit and make polite conversation i guess? Or you could do what my FOB did the only time he's seen Bella and spend the four hours yelling at me about past relationship issues :Shrug: Sorry, not good with the advice this time round, lol! Good luck x

 

[lal]

I am sure I will be dealing with this too, FOB and I are definitely not headed towards getting along...I plan on, and there's no telling if it will work (?), but having him visit for bath/bedtime, and letting him handle that - I will be doing laundry, reading, making dinner, anything to get in a different room, but still there in case he needs me (at first anyways, eventually when he can handle it I will run to the store, get things done that I can, etc.). You baby's beautiful, congratulations!

 

[sweetlullaby]

Your LO is gorgeous congradulations!! Hope you're recovering ok!

I havn't hit that stage yet (fob coming to house to see LO it's all still going through court but will be there soon!) I don't know what I'll do really. Probaby go make dinner/clean/ironing or something in the kitchen or something. Im not willing to sit there and make polite conversation etc!

 

[lilmama]

Her dad has only had a visit once, and I didn't bother talking to him everything about him disgust me lol so I just hand her to him and move away from him far end of the couch and close my eyes, maybe text browse online on my phone. I was at his house so no where to really go. Hopefully the visits get easier for yu. Yur son is a cutie

 

[LilBean2010]

Thank you all so much...he is just my little man and I think he is beautiful!

So...FOB is here again. I was going to put him in the nursery with the baby, and I plan to work towards that goal, but right now the idea of putting him and a 2 week old baby in the same room alone makes my skin crawl. Not because I think he would hurt him, but he didn't know how to use diaper rash medication, didn't know how to give him gas medication and kept ripping his pacifier out of his mouth every time he went to sleep because "it's plastic and he can't suck plastic in his sleep, can he?" He just doesn't have the slightest clue of what he is doing and it terrifies me! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh.....

So, here I sit. Trying not to look like I care what he is doing. It is still so uncomfortable - mostly because it is just silence. He doesn't really talk to the baby...just holds him and looks at him. There were a lot of harsh words exchanged (mostly by him) in the 2 weeks since Bean was born and I just can't look past that and be the same chipper 'ol gal I used to be with him. I don't think that will return with time, but I guess only time will tell.

Anyway...so that is my update. Thank you all for your replies. It is good to know it "may" get easier with time and I know eventually ( ) visits will move out of my home and he will be on his own with Bean in his time. Ugh...it is a double edge sword, as I want FOB to not be here but I can't stand the thought of being away from Bean. Oh well...enough about that!

Thank you again.

One more thing: The biggest issue in our almost 2 year relationship was him texting because he was almost always cheating on me and I knew it was another woman. Turns out I was right...but what does he sit here and do the entire time? TEXT! Just goes to show you that you cannot, in fact, teach an old DOG new tricks!

 

[lilmama]

I know how you feel, I'm terrified to leave my baby with him he stop talking to me my whole pregnancy and denied she was his before she was even born so to me he is a stranger. His step parents offer to watch her sometimes but I don't feel comfortable with that either eventhough they make much more of an effort to be in her life than him. Blahblah enough ranting lol
I think things will get better, you guys may never be best friends but atleast be able to hold a conversation. Its probably awkward for him too but if he's atleast making effort unlike mine and most of the women who posted that FOB never sees baby that's a good step!

 

[lilmama]

I know how you feel, I'm terrified to leave my baby with him he stop talking to me my whole pregnancy and denied she was his before she was even born so to me he is a stranger. His step parents offer to watch her sometimes but I don't feel comfortable with that either eventhough they make much more of an effort to be in her life than him. Blahblah enough ranting lol
I think things will get better, you guys may never be best friends but atleast be able to hold a conversation. Its probably awkward for him too but if he's atleast making effort unlike mine and most of the women who posted that FOB never sees baby that's a good step!

 

[Bex1p]

FOB sees Leo for an hour or 2 at my sisters so we sit and chat amongst ourselves.

Couldnt you invite a friend round?

 

[alexisandmias]

It is hard but does get easier. Once I felt comfortable I would use that time to run to the grocery store or do any other errands that are easier without the baby. Sometimes I napped too. It was hard because I was BFing too so I only had an hour window. My LO is 2 1/2 months now and I jsut started letting him take her out of the house. It was the HARDEST thing EVER!

 

[xJG30]

Tom stays with my parents when FOB comes up.

I'd be too tempted to smack someone