What do you think when people tell you to "relax"?

[cheerios]

Hubby just called his mom and told him about our infertility issues. I have PCOS and he has MF..... Guess what she said?

- Not to be sooo stressed and to relax
- Maybe the fact that we're not PG yet, is because we've been too stressed...

I HATE it when people say that. How the heck do you NOT get stressed about something that is obviously NOT working out properly. And its not like we're both completely healthy and not getting PG. We are both having issues here!

I know it shouldn't be compared like that, but its like someone having cancer and others saying, "Don't stress out, maybe it'd get better if you don't think about it"....

Sorry, needed to vent.

Is there anybody here who has had a similar experience? How do you cope with it? Hubby apparently feels there is "nothing wrong" with what his mom said.

 

[MrsJA]

ha ha..

I think most of the women on this board will have copped the old "relax and it'll happen" at one time or another.

There really is nothing worse is there??

The best thing saying I ever heard about this, is that stress doesn't cause infertility, but infertility causes stress.

They have even done studies which prove it! https://www.ivf.net/ivf/stress_does_not_affect_ivf_outcome-o1618.html

Whip that out the next time your MIL tells you to relax!!!

No-one who is TTC needs the added pressure of trying to be all Zen about it. Getting pregnant is not a jedi mind trick!

Anyway, good luck to you cheerios!

(You probably should try to relax by the way - but not because it'll make you get pregnant. It's just that you will find all this easier to deal with if you do..)

 

[mlyn26]

Its so frustrating, i'd love to punch people in the face who say that to me on a bad day! x

 

[jwelmel]

Hubby just called his mom and told him about our infertility issues. I have PCOS and he has MF..... Guess what she said?

- Not to be sooo stressed and to relax
- Maybe the fact that we're not PG yet, is because we've been too stressed...

I HATE it when people say that. How the heck do you NOT get stressed about something that is obviously NOT working out properly. And its not like we're both completely healthy and not getting PG. We are both having issues here!

I know it shouldn't be compared like that, but its like someone having cancer and others saying, "Don't stress out, maybe it'd get better if you don't think about it"....

Sorry, needed to vent.

Is there anybody here who has had a similar experience? How do you cope with it? Hubby apparently feels there is "nothing wrong" with what his mom said.

Its just ignorance...forget them.We have the same issue...pcos +mf.Havent told anyone.Cant stand stupid comments.

 

[keyahopes]

Hi there, hope you don't mind me barging into this forum. Firstly, loadsa to you.

Hope these two blog posts below will make you smile (and even give you some ideas about dealing with "advice"?)

https://www.bustedplumbing.com/2010/01/katie-says-put-sock-in-it-relaxation.html

https://www.bustedplumbing.com/2010/02/i-already-tried-that-and-it-gave-me.html

 

[Lyns]

What do I think when people tell me to relax???

That they must have a freakin' deathwish.....I was incredibly relaxed before I lost two babies, then nothing for over a year and then I got cancer, and if anyone wants to tell me that happened because I was stressed.....then they better duck!



Ok....breathe Lyns.................

 

[hopesforababy]

Oh, that is the worst! My FIL also told me that we should just "get drunk and get knocked up" because that worked for him. So I know how incredibly upset that stupid comments can make you feel.

Also, DH's sister is having a baby, and the thank you note that I got from her for the gift I got her for her baby shower said that "hopefully spending time with her baby will make me feel better." Seriously?!?!

I have to remind myself that people are ignorant (at least my in-laws are) and that there is no way that people can really be that hateful to say those things with any sort of knowledge on the topic of infertility. However, you would think that family would take the time to do some research on the subject before they open their mouths and make ignorant comments.

Just take a deep breath, remind yourself that people are stupid, and keep on doing what you're doing because each day brings you closer to your baby. Good luck!

 

[floofymad]

I HATE that comment!
I don't feel stressed at all; I feel worried and a little anxious and want answers and results!
It's impossible to relax about something that's not working and just put up with it, when you want something so much....

 

[purechaos109]

I really really really hate that comment only I get it from all around! My mom is the worst at telling me that though! And the worst part is I am prob the most chilllax person about ttc! But I also get it from my MIL (whom is a royal witch with a capitol B and she stresses me out worse than ttc is so its a stupid comment for her to make) and my FIL (they are divorced) and my hubby's grandma (whom I love dearly and is suffering from dementia so I really can't read to much into it)!

I feel like everywhere I turn there are people telling me to relax! My hubby's aunt is a real life saver she ttc for 13 months before she got pregnant with #2 so she knows some of what I'm going through!

I don't deal with people who say that! I have actually bitten my mom's head off several times for saying that and she is one of my favorite people. I usually respond with I am relaxed and please don't tell me to relax because that isn't helping!

 

[Vee_Bee]

I just nod wisely and say "yeah, probably"! What else can you do? They are probably wanting to be nice but just don't know what to say as they haven't been through it themselves, and they have heard other people say the same thing.

It's like when someone dies and you get told "time is a great healer" and all that gubbins - people just want to be sympathetic but don't know what to say.

Don't get stressed about it - just relax! (sorry )

We'll all get there in the end.

xx

 

[WannaB]

I hate, hate, hate it!!! Not only from a ttc pov which you ladies would have had a total gutful by now, but after mc after mc after mc etc getting told to relax when I get pregnant, you try and Fing relax!!!! And you are normally told to relax from people who have never experienced anything of the sort!!

Also, DH's sister is having a baby, and the thank you note that I got from her for the gift I got her for her baby shower said that "hopefully spending time with her baby will make me feel better." Seriously?!?!

OMG Ugh!!! Ive had this one of sorts too, Ive have lots of mc's so they ask do you want to hold their baby like its comforting??!!

 

[purechaos109]

Actually I just remembered what I hate worse than "relax" and thats "I'm Sorry" my bff has taken that one up every time AF comes and when we talk about me ttc!

 

[caroleb73]

I totally hate it when people say this to me, DH and I have been TTC for 14 months now. I am 37 and he is 27 and to be honest I was completely chilled out about it for the first 8-9 months but then I started to get worried.

We have had all the tests including a very painful HSG and all came back completely fine, which in my mind makes it worse as then I think well if the body and hormones are all ok then why isn't it happening. I am now on my first month of Letrozole to see if it helps.

My step sister is currently 7 months pregnant and all she keeps saying is just relax and you will fall pregnant just you see. Others tell me the same thing. It really makes me annoyed as I was chilled out and I did not get pregnant, I also feel like it is so easy for them to say that when they are pregnant or already have a child. They have no idea how it feels to want a baby so much yet face difficulties in getting a BFP.

Our journey is a very tough one and would be extremely loney if it wasn't for sites like this one.

Take care all

 

[Sambatiki]

Two words.... and I think you all know what they are!

Thing that pees me off is thats its always from people who have kids that only TTC'd for 2 cycles!!!

 

[Tinkles]

What do I think when people tell me to relax???

I wonder how relaxed they would be if I punched them in the face!!
It really is generally the ignorant people who would say this! I just try to ignore them!

 

[purechaos109]

lol!! Sorry you just cracked me up Tinkles lol!!

 

[emilyjean]

Ugh my cousin just got pregnant after a whopping 3 months of trying, and this was her grand advice to me. "I just relaxed, so that's what you should do'. Yeah, THAT'S helpful. I wonder why I didn't think of that.

Considering the first three months I was as calm as a cucumber and didn't get pregnant. So obviously things are working a little differently, UGH.

My other favorite is 'It's just not your time yet'. I sure feel like it's my time, who are you to tell me otherwise?

 

[BizyBee]

I'd love to slap them! I usually bite my tongue, but I've been saying things recently. They try to go into their stories about friends who have relaxed and it finally happened. I recently said that my ovaries don't work right and relaxing isn't going to make them any more normal! They have nothing left to say.

Then people have the nerve to tell me when to ! Ugh, it's so annoying. I want to say... Wait, you have to have sex to get pregnant? Wow, no wonder why I'm having problems!

 

[floofymad]

Lol BizyBee!

 

[sarah1989]

I want to hurt people so badly when they say this to us!! My MIL, has said it once, when we mentioned it to her and that was in the beginning of our TTC journey (I think about 5 months in). "Just relax and let it happen"... well I went off on her, and probably should have bit my tongue lmao, needless to say she hasn't said anything since, but has actually been genuinely interesting in how things are going health wise. She is really the only one I have been able to fully talk to about our problems.

Another one that bugs me, is that my SIL has gotten pregnant the 3rd cycle of trying (with her 3rd), and has the nerve to say, it took so long for it to happen!!!

Best of Luck with TTC Ladies!