What do you think when people tell you to "relax"?

[nurseh14]

I just grin and bear it and say yes, my time will come. Most of the time I feel like yelling My husband has almost no sperm, that don't move. Thank you kind person. Maybe if I relax I can move the sperm inside my body myself and inject it into my eggs!!!!

 

[winegums]

I don't see why everyone has such a problem with suggestions of relaxing. after nearly 2 years trying with my son we were told to relax, we thought about it and decided to stop trying, booked a weekend away, and well you can guess what happened next

 

[sarah1989]

I don't see why everyone has such a problem with suggestions of relaxing. after nearly 2 years trying with my son we were told to relax, we thought about it and decided to stop trying, booked a weekend away, and well you can guess what happened next

I think for a lot of us, we have secondary infertility issues, such as PCOS, Abnormal Uterus etc... and relaxing isn't going to make much of a difference.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[hopesforababy]

These posts are just cracking me up! Mostly because I've heard all this nonsense before and it makes me feel good to know that I'm not the only one hearing this crap!

SIL got pregnant two weeks after getting off her pill. Another friend got pregnant the month she ran out of her pill and hadn't got her mail order refill in. Another got pregnant and didn't want the baby. And yet another got pregnant and claims that her and her boyfriend didn't even have sex! Are you kidding me?!?!?!

 

[lalazig]

AAaargh - this used to make me so so mad! I never knew what to say to people, I just used to smile but inside I was fuming. After TTC for 5 years it eventually took IVF for us to get pregnant and I really want to say to those people now 'Hah, see I told you not being stressed wouldn't help you stupid idiots!!'

 

[cheerios]

Wow! I'm sooo amazed at all your answers! Thanks sooo much for making me feel that I'm not alone on this boat. Its just so not easy. And yes, I was basically relaxing the first few months too, until I realized that my AFs were not coming and one test after another led to PCOS, thyroid issues etc.... the list goes on.

Well, I guess in retrospect, my MIL probably meant it well, since she herself took 2 years to conceive my hubby. But then again, I wonder if she knew how "tough" it was, why would she just ask me to "relax"?

I was sooo amused at some of your answers! Love this forum!

 

[cheerios]

hopesforbaby - how can people get pregnant without having any sex?!?

 

[cheerios]

keyahopes - Wow! I went to the link you sent me...awesome stuff there! She's such a great writer!!!!

 

[hopesforababy]

I don't know Cheerios. Immaculate Conception? Definitely less invasive than the measures we're taking, right?!?

 

[PrayerfulHope]

Hubby just called his mom and told him about our infertility issues. I have PCOS and he has MF..... Guess what she said?

- Not to be sooo stressed and to relax
- Maybe the fact that we're not PG yet, is because we've been too stressed...

I HATE it when people say that. How the heck do you NOT get stressed about something that is obviously NOT working out properly. And its not like we're both completely healthy and not getting PG. We are both having issues here!

I know it shouldn't be compared like that, but its like someone having cancer and others saying, "Don't stress out, maybe it'd get better if you don't think about it"....

Sorry, needed to vent.

Is there anybody here who has had a similar experience? How do you cope with it? Hubby apparently feels there is "nothing wrong" with what his mom said.

Sorry to say, that's how we got pregnant

My husband went away for a month, and I went to visit him for a few days... not thinking the timing was right or anything, in fact I thought I ovulated a few days after I left.. and then I was late.

Take a vacation. It's hard to let go but you can't do it all at once. Start by letting one thing go at a time, like charting, or stop using OPK, or stop timing your sex. Eventually you'll start having sex for you again and not for the baby anymore.
So, good luck... and just ignore it when people say that if it makes you that upset.

(also, if you didn't already know, we had mfi and ffi. so don't tell me it's because I didn't have any problems before hand.)

 

[PrayerfulHope]

p.s. when people said that to me, I just always always said, "yeah right. I'm not just going to suddenly forget about trying to make a baby. "

 

[cheerios]

Prayerfulhope - Congrats!!!! Well, I don't temp, nor use OPKs, nor "time" my sex, cos I'm more like NTNP than TTC. Don't temp, cos I wake up at different times everyday, OPKs may not work on me, cos I have PCOS and I can't possibly time my sex, cos I don't really know when I ovulate.... Yeah, so technically, I can't possibly be THAT stressed about it.

At least i know right now, things are not entirely working because of some health issues....and at least we're getting that sorted out...

What's ffi, or mfi?

 

[Mamamirfy]

I get told that weekly - drives me nuts. Especially when my 23 year old (I'm 31) SIL with two babies says "you're trying too hard". Ummmm - no, there's issues from keeping us getting pregnant. I have stopped talking to people about it. Just let them think we have stopped trying. The comments and questions were enough to.....well, they were just too much LOL. Thank goodness for BNB!!!!

 

[tinybutterfly]

I don't know Cheerios. Immaculate Conception? Definitely less invasive than the measures we're taking, right?!?

very much so! where do i get my referral note for this procedure? lol




most ppl who know we are TTC know that we can only conceive through IVF,
but at work there's this one girl who thinks it's her place to explain BD schedules
and positions etc to me. she told similar things to her other collegues before
and then they all got pregnant, now she thinks it will work for everyone she talks to,
long live the young and naive i suppose?
i just nod and smile and say "yeaaaah, it doesn't really always work out that way"
and tell her "it's complicated" when she asks more, makes her shut up, win!

 

[PrayerfulHope]

What's ffi, or mfi?

ffi - Female Factor Infertility,
mfi - Male Factor Infertility

Basically, both of us were infertile, and were told we'd never have children of our own.

Just don't give up, and if you are a believer, God will grant you what you need in His own time.

xoxo

 

[cheerios]

What's ffi, or mfi?

ffi - Female Factor Infertility,
mfi - Male Factor Infertility

Basically, both of us were infertile, and were told we'd never have children of our own.

Just don't give up, and if you are a believer, God will grant you what you need in His own time.

xoxo

Awesome stuff! Wow! Thanks for sharing! If I may ask, what type of FFI and MFI did you two have?

 

[PrayerfulHope]

I just... rarely ovulated on my own, and my cycles were crazy .... from 26 to 58 days in length. Timing was really really ridiculous. Then I was put on clomid, which did nothing. So I took things into my own hands, and I took AC and Soy (one cycle), and had an HSG done, my left tube had been blocked but the HSG cleared debris.. and my periods started to come a little more regularly than that.
He had low sperm, low motility, and something with morphology but I don't know what that is. we didn't even qualify for IUI.

 

[urchin]

I don't see why everyone has such a problem with suggestions of relaxing. after nearly 2 years trying with my son we were told to relax, we thought about it and decided to stop trying, booked a weekend away, and well you can guess what happened next

Feeling very cranky today, and this thread hasn't helped!

I'm amazed that even in the LTTTC section, in a thread all about how insensitive it is for people to tell us just to relax .... someone pops in to say just that!
And then I learn that if I'm a believer God will make it happen in his own good time.

Both of these comments have pissed me off every bit as much as my well-meaning aunty (who struggled to conceive herself) telling me I should R&IWH - relax & it will happen

I have FSH levels of around 23 and AMH somewhere around the 2-3 mark....which adds up to severely depleted ovaries. So, will relaxing boost my egg baskets?

In fact the only thing I've found less sensitive than R&IWH is ....wait for it...
At least you know you can get pregnant (following a miscarriage from the only time I've managed to conceive!)

I found myself saying - there is no second prize here: you either get a take-home baby or you don't....

 

[cheerios]

Urchin - Hey dear, you sound like you're having a rough patch. I guess everybody's entitled to have their own comments, but you're right. This is a thread meant for people to vent. I guess if I wanted to hear the positive sides of relaxing, I would have entitled the thread, "How many of you got PG by relaxing....please explain how it happened".

All I can say is that I do believe God is in control. But even for believers, the waiting can get very tiring. So this is not a statement to make a point about "you have to believe in God, before you can get pregnant", but more a statement of "God is in control - gentle reminder for us who believe in God".

We're in the same boat together.

 

[urchin]

awh thanks cheerios - I really am in a pants mood today ......