My mother was getting like this. We originally planned a home water birth and she kept insisting that she was going to be there at our house while I was in labour - no matter how many times I told her NO she just kept reminding me that she has a key in case of emergencies (I have uncontrolled epilepsy) and that she could just let herself in!
She came round one day with a breast pump and steriliser that she'd bought without asking if it was okay or what ones I wanted and I ended up making her take them back as they weren't the one's I'd already researched into and picked out.
She bought so many baby clothes that I've told her if she buys any more they'll be taken back to the shops - Ruby already has too many clothes to wear and I've only been able to buy a few items due to the sheer amount she bought, again without asking! She also put a deposit down on a cot without asking and as a consequence lost her money as my father had already asked us what one we had chosen and paid for it for us. We compromised with her by letting her buy the travel system that we then chose together. Since then she's finally started ASKING when it comes to buying things and we usually go together to make choices and purchases etc.
Now, I've had problems with my epilepsy and gestational diabetes, and severe dsp so bad I'm now in a wheelchair and she started trying to insist on being there for my c-section!! Luckily the hospital I'm going to will only allow one birth partner and no-one waiting, which was on a leaflet that I gave her. Other visitors are only allowed during set visiting hours from the day AFTER the c-section, too. So that's a bonus!
We've told certain family members that we will let them know when they can visit in hospital, and we've told EVERYONE that we don't want ANYONE at the house after we come home for the first 2 days, then dsd can come on the 3rd day, and we will gradually start letting close family and friends visit from the 4th or 5th day, and then anyone else is welcome after 10 days. However, before anybody comes round they HAVE to contact us first and make sure it is convenient etc as we don't want lots of people at once. Also that we don't want people repeat visiting too often in the first month as we know a lot of people who want to meet Ruby when she is born, and it's not fair on them if they can't visit because so and so is round for the 8th time in a fortnight!!
We got some resistance at first (mainly from my mother as you can understand) but eventually everyone got used to the idea and I feel much more relaxed about it all now
As for you hon, I'd politely but firmly inform your MIL that while you appreciate her efforts and contributions, she has thusfar not taken the opportunity to involve you in decisions about your own child and that you would appreciate what she does much more if she would please ASK before making purchases and even better if she could take you along and discuss with you which items would be best or that you like best etc. That way she would still be involved but in a way that does not involve her taking over.
Also as far as labour and delivery, visiting etc are concerned, I'd tell her that as no one knows how long labour is going to last ie: a matter of hours or a matter of days (my mate's first baby took 3 and a half days of labour to arrive!!!) that you don't plan on telling ANYONE that you're in labour and will inform both sets of parents that your precious bundle has arrived AFTER she has been born and you are both comfortable.
Whatever happens hon, Good Luck
