What have I done... *RANT*

[amanda111308]

I am at a loss for words how incredibly afraid I am of taking on 2 kids. I can honestly hardly handle my tantrum finding son and I am just so exhausted. I don't know what I am going to do with a newborn and a child in his terrible 2's!!

I am so stressed out right now as much as I love my son and my unborn lo I can't help but feel like this might have been a giant mistake! We struggled for over 8 months ttc this rainbow baby and I feel so terrible feeling the way I do. I guess I am just feeling overwhelmed atm because I am working full time and we just moved into our first family home. We have expenses coming out the ying yang and after everyone is taken care of I just feel totally spent and not looking forward to another day of it all. And now I will have a newborn in the new year to contend with as well. I am just not coping well and the more I think about it the more freaked out I get. Can someone who has 2 kids or more help me rationalize this? Even expectant moms of baby #2 please just tell me how you are coping because I am doing a craptacular job at it right now.... *blowing into a bag to catch breath*

Much love and thanks to those who care enough to help a freaking preggo out!! Mwwwaaa

 

[Spiffynoodles]

Oh man, I could have written this post. Except I already have two (16 months apart) and am on my third (which will be 15 months apart from my second). By the end of the day I just feel like I have nothing left to give, and the thought of doing it all again tomorrow can sometimes be very depressing and overwhelming. We also just moved into a house so money is crazy right now. The other day, DH said to me, "Can we even handle a third?" I just stared at him and said, "Well, it's a little late for that question."

But the good news! I felt exactly the same way when I was pregnant with my second, and (all talk of this third baby aside) I could definitely handle two kids in the long term. In fact, when I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by thoughts of this new baby, I often think, "Wow, it would've been so easy if we had just stopped at two." So I bet you once this third baby comes, I'll be thinking, "Okay, three is actually not that bad, but four would be so much harder!" It's just the way our human brains work. We fear the unknown and often think in "worst case scenario" mode.

I feel like I rambled a lot, so hopefully that made sense. Bottom line is, you can handle two! It really isn't that bad. But I also sympathize with your feelings because I feel the same way right now about having three.

 

[JadeEmChar]

I'm on baby #5 and honestly you just do it, If you have a partner to help then that makes things much easier as well. I share my "duties" with my partner and yes i am exhausted but you feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day knowing that the kids are still alive, your alive and your sanity is mostly in tact..Just do what you can and try to be happy knowing that you will have 2 beautiful children in your life.

 

[kgriffin]

Stalking! I feel that way sort of as well and im expecting number 2. I think its fairly common

 

[Sour_Skittle]

Feel the same way. Expecting #3 lol.

Luckily my 3.5 year old is easy but my nearly 2 year old is a terror.

Going out and about is hard enough without a 3rd in the mix. Lol. Hang in there, it doesn't last forever

 

[immie]

I feel the exact same way. My son is 2 years 3 months and he really is a particularly difficult child! He is purposefully disobedient probably about 80% of the time and I know he's going to take full advantage of the fact that my attention will often be on his baby brother and therefore he can leave the room and destroy something or do something he's not supposed to be doing. I'm not going to lie, my son drives me absolutely up the wall and has my stress levels through the rood a lot of the time, his behaviour can reduce me to tears and have me asking myself why I ever had 1 child let alone why I'm pregnant with my second. I know I sound so harsh but I tell it how it is, there's no point in sugar coating it. So don't worry you are definitely not alone. Good luck to us both!!

 

[RcdM]

I still think this sometimes, and like you #2 was planned, but lately I've been a lot more excited about it for some reason. I think everyone has these fears and it is very normal to freak out a bit, so don't beat yourself up about it! But what always calms me down is knowing I am an intelligent, responsible, and loving person, and there are so many out there who are far less capable than me, and somehow they manage to do it - LOL - so I feel like, okay... if these women manage to keep their kids alive, so can I! Haha.

But really. Think of all the good things and focus on those. I've even Google'd "benefits of having 2 kids" just to read through some of the posts that other women have made. There are a lot! And us women are strong - we don't know what we're capable of until we're put in the situation, so don't doubt your abilities. You'll make it work. (I say all this as someone in your same shoes, so I suppose take it for what it's worth, lol.) I have heard that being pregnant and having a toddler is harder than having a newborn and a toddler (somehow...). You might be surprised at how great of a big brother your toddler becomes, how willing he is to help out and he might change his destructive ways a bit knowing he has a little sibling who is looking up to him. And just remember, he won't be this way forever, it's just a phase. By the time #2 comes, he may have grown out of it a bit. You'll be fine!

 

[apple_20]

I sometimes feel like this (especially during a tantrum). But I remember wondering how I could cope with one. Having a baby is a steep learning curve but we did it and there's no reason why we can't do this!

When my DS does something particularly clever or cute it reminds me it's all worth it. I'm sure I'll get that same feeling when I see them playing nicely together (even if it is followed by a 'team tantrum'

 

[Julesillini8]

Hey, I'm not preggo, but checking on some of my old friendly names that are over here....
Anyhow, I happened upon this, and as the others say, it's a very common/ normal fear to have. But you will manage, yes some days may be hard, you may be exhausted at times, but the love of another child, and above all, the love between siblings, is a fantastic gift in return. Yes it's hectic and somedays I want to pull my hair out, but I absolutely adore having my two girls.
I'm a believer in doing what you gotta do to get by. I nursed, and I don't usually let my toddler watch tv, but ya know, when the baby was a newborn and nursing sessions were 30-40 min each, every 2 hours, yes there were times that she watched TV for 1/2 hour or gasp! An hour. Her eyes didn't explode, we are back to occasional tv, and the world kept spinning regardless. You will find ways to get through the challenges, and when times get rough, remember " this too shall pass." The baby and toddler will both go through phases, things change for the better, you eventually get Into some kind of routine, where at the least the loudness and chaos is organized and predictable. I assure you that having another child will open your heart to so much more love than you even thought was room for in there.
Best wishes, and try to enjoy every step of the way. Your second baby will grow in the blink of an eye, cherish the moments, the good and bad.

 

[Julesillini8]

Gosh I have hundreds of pics of them together ( and the baby is only 12 months old so far). I assure you that seeing your two kiddos hug each other, kiss each other, comfort each other, laugh together, pretend together, (the list goes on and on) will just make you smile and you will- momentarily- forget all of the screaming and fits, and thank god for giving not only you, but these siblings, such great gifts! Hope this picks you up on the tough pregnancy days ( man I remember THAT)

 

[Maybe1daysoon]

I could have written this myself except this isn't a rainbow and thus baby was conceived while on birth control... at first I felt like I was being punished. Some days I wonder how I'll cope, but others I feel blessed. Some days I feel bad for "doing this" to my DS and others I'm happy that he will have a little sister. Only time will tell. This will be a learning experience.

 

[pinkstarbinks]

Personal experience with ds1 pregnancy I was able to focus on having a beautiful pregnancy & rest etc. ds2 pregnancy a complete contrast having ds1 to take care of while working etc, not a minute to breathe just overwhelmed. Once Ds2 was born, the lovely, enjoyable & manageable phase started. Pregnancy is hard & intense. Things got a lot easier once I was no longer pregnant

 

[kgriffin]

Great thread op. My second was planned and im still in the beginning phases of pregnancy and i cam relate to all of this. The ladies who have commented are absolutely right, you make it work, and there is lots of love to go around . Im still nervous about becoming a parent of two, but im.also thrilled to see my daughter, engage with her brother or sister.

 

[Wishing89]

I also have times like that! My DS will be 2.5 when #2 arrives in December. He is generally pretty good though so I hope it stays that way when #2 gets here. I'm nervous and anxious though to and this was also a very planned pregnancy!

I think today is worse than usual as I just babysat a friends 3 children overnight. That was a nearly 4 year old, two 2 year olds and a 3 month old! It is chaos lol and it's making me even more nervous! I feel like if I survive with # 2 I am done and shop will be shut.

Anyway I'm sure as other posters have said it is just a natural part of pregnancy and when baby comes I'm hoping I can't imagine life any other way.

 

[calm]

I'm not having the hardest of pregnancies but not the easiest either, most probably because its a twin pregnancy. I struggled through work (stopped now as I'm a teacher and its the holidays) and I always wondered how could ladies cope with pregnancy when they had other children to deal with, especially toddlers. I admit I am not freaking out too much about the moment they are born, but probably I should. DH and me have been a childless couple for 14 years (I have just turned 38) and all of a sudden 2 children are going to magically appear in front of us and I think nothing can prepare us for the shock, however beautiful and rewarding, its going to be to our systems, mental sanity and relationship. So I too will suddenly have 2 kids, the thing is I think I have my head in the sand as both my children are tucked away happily kicking me, instead of giving me a hard time with a tantrum. For this reason you and many others can see the picture and the reality of it much better than I can. My philosophy is going to be based on my Buddhist to: "stay in the present", and take each moment at a time. The song below also springs to mind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A-hqZf7xQs

 

[pinkribbon]

first of all!

I'm expecting #3, and have the same sorts of feelings you're having at times!

But, I also had those feelings when I was pregnant with #2... My first 2 are 2 years apart and I was panicking like mad but it's just like bringing your first baby home, you're a bit in at the deep end at first but then you just adapt and it becomes normal everything will be fine, I promise! Not saying you don't have your days when you just think OMG this is difficult, but you will cope and find a way of dealing with them both together

 

[pinklightbulb]

Once you're in a situation you find ways to cope. It will be tough at first while you get used to it and then it will get easier

 

[Unexpected212]

I feel like this a lot too. My son is 21 months and really starting to act up. I love him to bits but he is HARD work at the moment. I realise I may not have planned this too well lol.

 

[ClaireJ23]

Don't worry, it is worth it! It becomes the norm and you forget what it was like with just one.

It is lovely for them to have a sibling. These are my girls.

 

[amanda111308]

I also have times like that! My DS will be 2.5 when #2 arrives in December. He is generally pretty good though so I hope it stays that way when #2 gets here. I'm nervous and anxious though to and this was also a very planned pregnancy!

I think today is worse than usual as I just babysat a friends 3 children overnight. That was a nearly 4 year old, two 2 year olds and a 3 month old! It is chaos lol and it's making me even more nervous! I feel like if I survive with # 2 I am done and shop will be shut.

Anyway I'm sure as other posters have said it is just a natural part of pregnancy and when baby comes I'm hoping I can't imagine life any other way.

Our experiences are mirrored a fair bit. I had a loss last September as well (from your sigi) my son will be the same age as your lo when baby #2 is born. Only difference is we are due Jan 8th/15! My son was born 2 weeks early so if I develop high bp like I did last time I will likely be induced and have the baby at the end of December sometime. I am starting to feel a bit better now. My mil had a serious heart to heart with me about becoming a mom of 2 and she said there will be days when you will find it pretty difficult to juggle the needs of both but that necessity is the mother of invention and you always make it work out. I do feel much better now. She also has said she will come and help me out for as long as I need before during and after the birth to help me settle in. She was with me when my son was born and afterwards and I couldn't be more thankful she is the best mil ever! I have a closer relationship with her than my own mother.

Thank you to all the ladies who posted words of encouragement it was a huge help to boost my confidence as well I sure appreciate it!!