One thing that really bugs me is the message that if you do it right you wont be in pain so it's almost like if that if you don't have a relaxed painless birth you haven't done it right. I think birth is painful for most women, no matter what you do. For me it was accepting and working with the pain that helped. You might find the book Birth Skills by Juju Sundin's helpful. Although I didn't use all the techniques in it I liked the very practical approach. It encourages natural birth but leaves room for things like an epidural if you need it.
I was very determined to have a natural birth and I think that determination was essential to get me through it but I think there is always a bit of luck involved. Every labour is different and you can't know what it's going to be like before so if things turn out differently there is no shame in that. Fortunately I got a lovely natural HB experience but there were a couple of times things could have taken a very different direction. I had excellent support from my OH and MW. On the whole I adored my MW. There was only once I had a different idea from her and she thought she knew better, that came close to freaking me out. My OH noticed and whispered "don't worry I've got your back" in my ear. That made all the difference. I really cant imagine labour with a MW who wont listen to you at all. Walking made a huge differnce to my pain level and heat and rubbing on my lower back. Some things I thought would help didn't so I think it's good to have as many things you can try as possible then go with what works.
Maybe it would help to analyse what went wrong last time and what you can do differently this time. Was there a reason you were not allowed a water birth, or was the MW just being awkward? It sounds like she wouldn't let you have the birth you planned, or the one you didn't so you were stuck in the middle without anything. A doula sounds like a good idea because you will have someone else you know is supporting you.
I was very determined to have a natural birth and I think that determination was essential to get me through it but I think there is always a bit of luck involved. Every labour is different and you can't know what it's going to be like before so if things turn out differently there is no shame in that. Fortunately I got a lovely natural HB experience but there were a couple of times things could have taken a very different direction. I had excellent support from my OH and MW. On the whole I adored my MW. There was only once I had a different idea from her and she thought she knew better, that came close to freaking me out. My OH noticed and whispered "don't worry I've got your back" in my ear. That made all the difference. I really cant imagine labour with a MW who wont listen to you at all. Walking made a huge differnce to my pain level and heat and rubbing on my lower back. Some things I thought would help didn't so I think it's good to have as many things you can try as possible then go with what works.
Maybe it would help to analyse what went wrong last time and what you can do differently this time. Was there a reason you were not allowed a water birth, or was the MW just being awkward? It sounds like she wouldn't let you have the birth you planned, or the one you didn't so you were stuck in the middle without anything. A doula sounds like a good idea because you will have someone else you know is supporting you.
Ive only had two appointments there so far but they seem all very understanding and nice. I have to see all five of the midwives there in case I go into labor and the one I want cant make it so I feel comfortable with each one and so far Ive liked the two Ive met. I told one today I hired a doula and she seemed excited about that and for sure said they could help me over come some trauma or fears I have. This place only makes me nervous because they do have a LOT of stipulations for you to give birth there. I think because they have no high risk equipement they dont allow any issues during pregnancy at all. I have to qualify to birth there every month. If for some reason I do have to go to hospital a midwife from there can come with me. I really just want a water birth and again no where but this place Im going offers that!
