What is with people?

[lily2011]

So I was chatting with another mom at daycare and when I mentioned I was a single mother, she immediately gave me this horrified look and said "oh my, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine not having my husband's help, he is amazing." She gave me a look like I had just told her I got diagnosed with a brain tumor.

I said "don't be sorry. I'm not."

What is wrong with people?? Ok, the husband comment was just tacky but why do they equate being a single mother to some fatal disease?? I'm just going to come out and say something that may be taboo to say but screw it. I LIKE my life! I love my baby girl and yes, it's hard and no, things aren't perfect, but I consider myself blessed. There are many people going through much harder times and I don't consider my situation a miserable one.

There is no middle finger icon but I'm giving it to all those nasty people who just want to pity me for no reason!!!

 

[nara911]

I just wanted to say thank you for that post!
Someone said the same thing to me a while ago, I have 2 daughters 9 and 10 and a woman my daughter was having a playdate with told me and I quote "you look so well considering your circumstances" I looked at her perplexed and asked "what exactly are my circumstances?" She replied "well, your a single mom and thats a really hard job." I told her yes it is hard but the girls and I manage. And seeing how ill-mannered, unbehaved, and plain rude a lot of kids are today who not only have 2 parents but pratically a whole dang villiage raising them are, I actually feel unbelievably blessed to be raising my kids by myself! I can actually hold my head high and say DESPITE my circumstances my girls fair better mentally, physically, emotionally, and all around better than kids in 2 parent homes and my girls have behavior and academic awards to attest to that fact."
She changed the subject quick and I am sure I gave her something to chew on!
Some women are so weak that they project that on other women. We may ALL be women but we are not ALL built the same! Women like you and I were built for this and I'm sure just like mine your child is beautiful, smart, and good to her core!

Thanks for the post!

 

[lily2011]

Thank you sister!

 

[Laura2919]

I agree! I wanna know why everyone says sorry? I always say why did you cause my split? Lol. its something everyone says.

I dont think its that different cos FOB was a waste of time when he came here anyway, he'd turn on tv and watch football, I'd do everything for the girls anyway..

 

[ballet mom]

I hate it when people pity me for being a single mom. My daughter's dad is the one who should be pitied, he missed out on being a part of my wonderful daughter's life.

 

[Laura2919]

I hate it when people pity me for being a single mom. My daughter's dad is the one who should be pitied, he missed out on being a part of my wonderful daughter's life.

 

[rosie5637]

this annoys me too. everybody pitys me, for what? i have a fantastic life!
people are always trying to set me up with blokes and every time i see them they ask 'are you still on your own?' as if i am not a complete person without a man in my life.

when i say i'm happy on my own they assume that i detest all men or that i must be a lesbian! peoples reaction when i announced my pregnancy was 'but i thought you were single' (i used a sperm donor). i think this adds fuel to the man hating/lesbian fire but oh well.

i just don't need or want to get involved with a man AT THE MOMENT. i have better things to be worrying about, it's not forever.

 

[Crumbsx]

I think the problem with some people is they think that family life should include a mother, a father and the norm of 2.5 children. And yes, while that would be lovely, it's not able to happen in some circumstances.

It doesn't mean we should be subject to pity though. Because in reality single mums should be looked upto. It is hard, and we do sometimes struggle. But we don't stay trapped in a relationship with a man who is no good/or a loveless marriage, just to conform to social norms and stop the pity.

We put our LOs and our own feelings first and realise it's better for LO to grow up in a household with just one parent, compared to a household with a mother and father who don't love each other/constantly have arguments/have an abusive relationship.

Okay, I'm finished ranting now. Sorry!

 

[1sttimemom08]

I cannot even begin to tell you how often I get the "I'm so sorry!" when they ask "how the dad with her??" or "I bet daddy's proud!".. I've learned to say, "Daddy? She doesn't know anyone by that name..." or "That idiot doesn't know anything about her.. never even met her. But mommy sure is proud!".

The way I see it, I lucked out. I have my baby girl all to myself. I don't have to share her with a significant other, or rely on anyone else to help me take care of her. It's all me. If something goes wrong, it's all me. And everything positive that my daughter is (such as an 11 month old that is already using a big girl potty, says "Please" and "Thank you", is weaned from the bottle and, as I describe her to many people, is a walking, talking, very opinionated little girl...), is all thanks to me. Nobody else.

I love being a single mom, and honestly think that it's what I was always meant to be (and so does half my family..). I just wish other people could see how lucky we, as single parents, are to be in the situations that we are, rather than how "horrible" it must be...

 

[Dezireey]

My best friend and I are both single mums (well I am officially going to be now, she has been for two years). Her husband died of cancer and they had two lovely children, his little girl was about two months old when he died, all very,very sad but she copes brilliantly on her own with them.

I went with her to pick up her kid at a nursery class with her recently and she got questioned about being a single mum and the one lady was a cow, without thinking, she actually asked her why she would have two children if she were 'single'?. She just automatically assumed that they were by different fathers or something because she was on her own?. I couldn't keep quiet and said 'actually she is a single Mother because her husband passed away, lets hope that doesnt happen to you ever in your life as then you would be a single Mum like us two odd balls wouldn't you?' she said she didn't mean to offend and I said 'well, think before you speak and remember that it can happen to the best of us and to any of us at any stage in our life and it is not usually in our control'.

Everytime some smug mother mentions how supportive and wonderful her partner or husband is and how she would not cope without him and pities us single mommys, maybe it pays to remind them that a lot of our partners also used to be wonderful and supportive too but left us as easily as her partner could one day decide to leave her if he wished or god forbid, circumstances out of your control make you a single mum.

 

[Ali33]

Amen! That's all I have to say lol...