What kind of Parent WOULD you have been...

[Foogirl]

...if you hadn't had your NNICU / SCBU journey?

Over on another thread someone commented on how they have no idea how their baby (or themselves) would have been without the SCBU experience. I've often thought about how it has benefited Abby, but not really considered how we would have been as parents without it.

I can generally let Abby cry without it breaking my heart.

I'm over protective of her health, but at the same time, I am not a worrier at all. Bumps and scrapes are fine, once on the move she won't be wrapped in cotton wool. It's as if, she's been FAR more fragile than this in her life!!

Because everything went fine for her, and she had no ill effects at all, I think that nothing can touch us. Whatever happens, she'll be just fine.

I'm relaxed and laid back, can take most of the problems in my stride and as a couple, Mr Foo and I have had a blast so far!

Would I have been like this anyway? I dunno. What about you ladies (and gents?)

 

[AP]

I've seen others say "oooh i wrap my baby in cotton wool too, its not just preemie mums" but they just dont get it.

I think i would have bonded with Alex a bit more, its been very hard to find that 'level'. Having her in nurses care for 12 weeks smashed any bonding time i think - and then when we got home i was like WTF!! Theres a baby in the house!

But Foo, I'm the same, little things in comparison to SBCU and NICU are nothing, im laid back.

But i do greatly fear about Alexs development and because they say her brain bleed will affect her right side, we are always focusing on her right arm and leg, She seems fine, but if shes not moving it we're like OH NO!

 

[Laura2919]

I cant say I have thought about it until now.

But now I am thinking about it, I think we have probably bonded more because of everything that all 3 of us went through, thats without what OH was going through when he could of lost all three of us!

I was lucky they were born at 29 weeks and came out of NNU with no health issues whatsoever (Jaycee now has asthma but thats heriditory (sp) her dad had it too)
They are healthy and happy little girls!

I know some people dont like it but I can block out their cries, I dont rush straight in to make sure they are ok. I cant hold out a bit!. I am also laid back, I often get people ask how I did it with two babies in NNU and I simply reply 'NNU was nothing compared to them walking and talking lol'!

I was never a big worrier about their health until I see the affects of having a prem when Jaycee was admitted to hospital. She took an extra 3 days to recover whilst all the other babies who had the same condition were going home! They explained that this is a side of a prem we dont understand until it happens and even after 2 it doesnt mean it has fully gone away.

But all in all I think I am more proud of them than I would have been. I praise everything.
Silly me, I get a nervous giggle when I am proud of them and I cant stop it. yesterday when I went to pic Chloe up from nursery she was sitting in a little chair at her own little lunch table with her friend Holly feeding herself. My heart just burst with pride. i was like she is mine **chuffed** I produced that little thing there that has squidgy cheeks and a gorgeous laugh.

Sorry I babble, but yep thats mine done xx

 

[AP]

The thing is though, people ask me how I coped with neonatal, they go "oooh that must have been terrible"

It was, but I dont know what its like to have a baby at full term. So I don't know any different!

 

[bumpsmum]

I agree Sandi, we dont know what it was like to have this new baby demanding feeds at 3am whilst were trying to recover from a long and painful labour. I think sometimes that whilst SCBU and the way the babies have to really struggle at the start us as mummy's had that extra recovery time which I am grateful for.

As for what Id be like as a parent.......Id like to say just the same but I think I would be less nervous about every sniffle and cough, like Foo bumps and scrapes I can handle its the unknown that scares the living daylight outta me as Matthew's immunity is pants!

Although his stay was no where near most of the girls here, I think it did affect our bond, I was terrified of holding him at first and let Chris do most of his care at first. I sometimes ger dead jealous of the way Matthewe can coori in on his dads knee and drift off all snuggly whereas I have to properly put him to bed and leave him be before he will sleep - he is very much his daddy's boy and it kinda hurts although I know its not intentional.

I think id also be a little more strict, Matthew prob gets away with blue murder xx

 

[Lottie86]

I'd say it definately affected our bonding as I was terrified to hold him in SCBU although once we got him home we only had him home for a few weeks before he was rushed into hospital and we nearly lost him due to a chest infection that caused his temp to plummet to 28C as he was so prone to picking any bugs up.

It was then that his reflux was picked up (we thought constant projectile vomiting was just what babies did!) and with it being so severe we were in and out of hospital with that (mostly in!) so it wasn't until just before Christmas at almost 8 months old when we got him home 'properly' after all his surgeries that I went 'OMG we've got a baby at home with us all the time, argh!!!'

I feel like a proper Mummy now

Lots of people ask how I coped with him being in SCBU and his months of hospital stays and how I cope with his tummy tube, all his weekly appts, doing his physio with him and everything else and the answer is simple, he's my first baby so I have absolutely no idea what a full term baby with no special needs is like To me this is normal.

If he had been born full term he would have been formula fed from day 1 as well but I thought as he was prem I would have a go at expressing for him and due to his health problems I just carried on although I plan to stop when he is reaches his first birthday.

I think I am probably actually a bit more of a relaxed parent this year than I would have been had it not been for SCBU and his hospital stays as he has been through a hell of a lot in his life so far and so if he can cope with all of that then he can cope with whatever life throws his way in the future.

 

[Foogirl]

I think I am probably actually a bit more of a relaxed parent this year than I would have been had it not been for SCBU and his hospital stays as he has been through a hell of a lot in his life so far and so if he can cope with all of that then he can cope with whatever life throws his way in the future.

I'm wondering if this is a common thing. Before having her, I'd have thought that parents of preemies would be extra cautious about everything with their babies, but it seems to be exactly opposite. You put it very well, they've had to fight hard to get this far, life in general should be a breeze for them after that!

 

[alibaba24]

I think if anything it Helped me bond with Rosalie. If i had gone to term and had my family and friends flocking round (as its my first) i think the pressure of that would have made me feel a little akward if that makes sense. Dont get me wrong when she was first born and they took her away when i did finally see her she could have been anyones baby i missed the entire birth experience and as you know you cant hold them or have that skin to skin. Sitting peeking into her incubator day in day out definatly didnt help with the bonding but the later stages of SCBU definatly did because i had so much time alone with her without anyone peeking over me all the time it was just me and her in a safe place with helpful people around to always make sure shes ok. I think the health side of things i definatly picked up on things i dont think i would have like winding techniques etc i have to admit im still overprotective of her general care. Everything has to be just so im sure that will change in time ill become more relaxed. For me the bonding started at the tail end of SCBU and definatly now shes home im in complete awe of her shes just amazing Im not ashamed to admit i felt a bit detached from her at first as the nurses were doing all her care etc i felt like a stranger looking in but so glad shes home she feels like mine now and i go with my own instinct instead of thinking i have to ask scbu nurses hope that made sense!! xx

 

[alibaba24]

ps In a nutshell i think i would have been a slightly more akward less confident parent xx

 

[pink23]

hi all xx
I wouldnt say i am glad caleb was on neonatal and scbu but it helped me learn how to look after him and gave me more confidence. i thought when i got him home i would worry about every single rash but im not that bad.
when he was on scbu i was able to ask for help if i needed but they didnt watch over you to make sure you were doing it right. xx

 

[Foogirl]

I was the same Ali. I felt detached from her. In fact we used to joke about how we couldn't believe she was ours but they gave us the same one every time we went in so she must be the one we were taking home.

For me, the bonding started when I started breast feeding at 31 weeks.

The confidence thing though, that's a good one. We were certainly more confident as parents thanks to 6 weeks of professional training.

And as Bumpsmum says, I was physically and emotionally healed by the time she came home. That has to have helped!

 

[Marleysgirl]

Had Andrew not been a preemie, we may have been more successful at establishing BF. Whilst that would have helped with the bonding process for me, it would possibly have excluded his Dad even more. Whereas, as a result of NICU visits and now expressing & bottle-feeding, Dad is involved in Andrew's care to the same extent as me, and they have bonded incredibly well (I'm jealous )

I am definitely less inclined to rush over and pick him up, panicking, when he whimpers or cries - after all, nobody would have rushed over within the unit, they didn't even rush when the alarms went off!

Andrew himself is very laid back and I think that results from his time on NICU. He saw so many different faces, every single day, that being handled by new people doesn't bother him. And he doesn't cry when he has his jabs, possibly because of going through so many procedures when he was little.

 

[alibaba24]

I was the same Ali. I felt detached from her. In fact we used to joke about how we couldn't believe she was ours but they gave us the same one every time we went in so she must be the one we were taking home.

For me, the bonding started when I started breast feeding at 31 weeks.

The confidence thing though, that's a good one. We were certainly more confident as parents thanks to 6 weeks of professional training.

And as Bumpsmum says, I was physically and emotionally healed by the time she came home. That has to have helped!

Its definatly a strange feeling i kinda felt like she belonged to scbu??! in some ways im glad for the scbu experience as it let me get to grips with her care and get to know her and her needs in an environment where help is on tap 24/7 had i not had that experience i probably would have been taking her home feeling nervous rather than proudly walking out of scbu with rosalie in tow xx

 

[nkbapbt]

Am I the only one who doesn't think their bonding was affected? I think we are more bonded than we may have been if he was born full term =) I held him every day since the day they first let me. I held him honest to god for six hours straight sometimes...which is impossibly long when you have a small bladder. I did all his care too. I was so worried he wouldn't know me I over did it. I would sleep with his blankets that I washed for him at home and then take them for him to wrapped up in..so they smelled like me. =)

I think if he had been born full term, I would be less laid back...more tired...and more strict! And I would have BF instead of pumping for 17 months!

I also think Lakai is very laid back due to his NICU stay, he rarely cries, he isn't fussy. He loves meeting and interacting with new people.

 

[AP]

See I think the bonding thing was lost for me because I knew she was going to be there for ages, and then here was me, at home back to pre preganancy state, but going to visit her every day. And I had another awful issue to figure out while she was in hospital which was destroying me. I feel guilty that I should have be concentrating on her 100% but couldnt because other horrible things were happening.

Im glad she wasnt at home at that point or i would never have been able to cope

We have bonded better since shes been more responsive to us and smiley, does that sound weird?

 

[Laura2919]

Am I the only one who doesn't think their bonding was affected? I think we are more bonded than we may have been if he was born full term =) I held him every day since the day they first let me. I held him honest to god for six hours straight sometimes...which is impossibly long when you have a small bladder. I did all his care too. I was so worried he wouldn't know me I over did it. I would sleep with his blankets that I washed for him at home and then take them for him to wrapped up in..so they smelled like me. =)

I think if he had been born full term, I would be less laid back...more tired...and more strict! And I would have BF instead of pumping for 17 months!

I also think Lakai is very laid back due to his NICU stay, he rarely cries, he isn't fussy. He loves meeting and interacting with new people.

Nope! I think I bonded more with the girls than I probably would have done.

We kept NNU off limits to certain members of the family, we only let close family up when they were in incubators and when they were put into the nursery then we let others come up. I think this helped us bond better without having people up all the time. x

 

[Laura2919]

See I think the bonding thing was lost for me because I knew she was going to be there for ages, and then here was me, at home back to pre preganancy state, but going to visit her every day. And I had another awful issue to figure out while she was in hospital which was destroying me. I feel guilty that I should have be concentrating on her 100% but couldnt because other horrible things were happening.

Im glad she wasnt at home at that point or i would never have been able to cope

We have bonded better since shes been more responsive to us and smiley, does that sound weird?

No it doesnt hun. I think everyone deals with things in their own way and if you had problems going on elsewhere too then I bet my life it couldnt of been easy when your supposed to go 40 weeks and then go home with a baby in tow and not left at the hospital.

I didnt really have a clue as to how long they were going to be in so it was a surprise to say the least when they said we could take them home.

 

[Abbiekye]

Neonatal cetainly saved my little ones. We have gone back a few times to visit on birthdays. Staff were fantastic and we continue to support the unit.
One good thing is by the time they were home, they had been trained to be on 4 hourly feeds so you knew exactly when they'll be awake to feed. This gave me time to sort anything I wanted out. The bonding came naturally. We have all bonded well and are a happy family. Never went full term so not sure how things would have been otherwise it all seems normal

 

[Foogirl]

Am I the only one who doesn't think their bonding was affected? I

I dunno, I've never had a full termer

I don't think we bonded properly for a good wee while, but who's to say this would have been different with a full termer?

 

[alibaba24]

Am I the only one who doesn't think their bonding was affected? I

I dunno, I've never had a full termer

I don't think we bonded properly for a good wee while, but who's to say this would have been different with a full termer?

Just looking at your siggy what does corrected aged mean? is that what they were meant to be? my due date was yesterday so would rosalies corrected age be 1 day?!

xx