what should i do?

[Daisy06]

im 19 and have recently split up with my boyfriend and now found out im pregnant, he really doesnt want to keep the baby, but im not sure. I really dont know what to do, if i keep it i know hes not going to be happy, cos its not what he wants. But i dont feel as if i have a choice. Help please! x

 

[DiddyDons]

i had this problem with my partner and i too was 19 when i fell pregnant! he didnt want the baby at all but i had problems with my periods and although at the time i didnt know what was wrong with me (i have PCOS) i still thought it would have been my only chance to have a baby,... we had so many arguments, he was desperate for me to abort the pregnancy but i never did....in the end i ended up loosing her so although he grew to love and want our baby girl in a way he got what he wanted in the first place....
its your decision what you do hun....he may grow to love the baby as time goes on and he sees your growing bump....
im here if you want to chat

Donna xxx

 

[2009-mummy]

im 17 bfs 20 ive never had a job ive tried ive done training but being in care for past problems didnt help getin 1 my partners in job he hates 4 money n it hard at 1st i was scared bout telin him and it is hard but thy say a baby makes or breaks u but even if u n partner split im sure hell b there 2 help wit baby wen he sees him/her n sees her tiny hands n feet n cute little face,my mum had her 6th at 34 nearly 2yrs ago n i wasnt 2 keen at 1st i thort she wer 2 old it wer my time(trying at time with ex) but wen i seen him i was so happy n hopefuly he will 2!goodluk!

 

[alloyd519]

You do have a choice, it's your body and your baby and no one can tell you what to do with it. I guess you have to decide if you're ready for your life to change and if you'll be able to make a commitment to a child. Sorry I can't help more but haven't been in this situation before!

 

[Daisy06]

Thankyou I know it sounds horrible, but i don't know if i actually want to keep it myself. I dont know what i want to do. I hate the thought of having an abortion though, especially after coming on here + seeing everyone trying to get pregnant, i'd feel so horrible. I want to tell my mother, but i dont know how im going to tell her! My family hate my ex at the moment x

 

[littlestar]

only you can make this decision chick! as it will be you that will live with it for the rest of your life, I'm pro-choice, although i'd never disrespect anyone who wants and abortion some women cope with it better than others. I know i could never abort a child.

the best thing you could do is discuss the options with your GP let them explain the ins and outs of either option with you. that way you can be fully aware of what will happen and how (obviously if you abort there is a procedure involved the same way as if you continue with the pregnancy there will be a birth involved)

Do you know how far along you are? from an honest perspective if you have recently found out your initial shock will have some bearing on your decision.

For instance close friends of mine had an abortion a few years ago, she didn't find out til she was 16 weeks pregnant. the initial shock led both of them to determine that a quick abortion was the best route for them even though they were in a stable, loving relationship the shock of finding out they were to be parents hit them like a tonne of bricks. neither talked to each other about it properly ie she thought he wanted an abortion so did it, he though she wanted an abortion so supported her through it, despite the fact upon talking to each other separately they were desperate to please each other and neither wanted the abortion, thankfully she is now pregnant again with their first although it was again a surprise pregnancy they are looking forward to be parents!

Although your situation is different in the fact you are not together at this moment in time, this is a life altering decision and rash decisions shouldn't be made. Good luck chick we're all here if you need us.

 

[nikky0907]

Frankly, the fact that he will be angry at you for having the baby shouldn't matter at all. He was equally involved in conception and he should deal with the consequences.

You just do what you feel is right for yourself, talk to your mom, figure out your finances/living arrangements and work on your options...
You can always come on here for any question you may have.

 

[Daisy06]

Yeah i think i'm going to have to speak to her about it and decide without him. Just got off the phone from him, cos i'd text asking him when can we talk. And he started shouting and getting really angry with me saying there's noway he is going to be a father yet and we can talk about not keeping it, but we aren't talking about keeping it! He shouted at me saying you cant bring a baby into this world when the father doesn't want it. And if one of us isn't happy i shouldn't keep it. But what if im not happy having an abortion? That doesnt matter according to him! We haven't even discussed anything properly, he just doesn't see that there is anything to talk about! I ended up hanging up on him So im not feeling too good now!
Thanks for all your help so far xx

 

[aidensxmomma]

Hi hun. I don't know exactly what you are going through but I faced an unexpected pregnancy when I was 16. My boyfriend was 18 and we had only been dating a month when I found out. I had decided a long time ago that, although I'm pro-choice, abortion is not the way for me to go. So when I got pregnant it was a huge shock but I decided to keep my baby with or without the father's support. It was a tough decision but I though my baby deserved a life no matter what the circumstances. My son is now 9 months old and the happiest baby ever. I do not regret having him. Luckily, my OH (his daddy) stayed around, but like I said, even if he wouldn't of, I still would have kept my son. Now my OH and I are facing another surprise pregnancy (even more surprising with this one because I was on birth control) and our decision was the same. Talk to your family and they will probably give you a lot of support. Good luck with everything. Keep us updated.

 

[Tishimouse]

Thankyou I know it sounds horrible, but i don't know if i actually want to keep it myself. I dont know what i want to do. I hate the thought of having an abortion though, especially after coming on here + seeing everyone trying to get pregnant, i'd feel so horrible. I want to tell my mother, but i dont know how im going to tell her! My family hate my ex at the moment x

This must be a very frightening time for you and I can't imagine what you are going through. Your Mum will be the right person to talk to as reading between the lines, you have a good relationship with her and you can trust her to love you no matter what. You need someone to talk to who can help you through this difficult time. It's sad to read about your experience, because it should be something to rejoice about, rather than fret over. I really hope things work out for you.

 

[Serene123]

This isn't meant to sound harsh atall. I'm just being honest.

Don't keep it if you're not ready to give up everything. I'm 19 and I'm missing out on ALOT of things. I know I can still do everything I want to do, it just takes twice as long and is twice as hard. Are you ready for that? You have your whole life to have a baby, and with someone you love. Why now?

That said, if your heart wants this baby, don't let your head over-rule. You will never forgive yourself for having an abortion you didn't want.

I hope you can come to a decision that's right for you and your lifestyle xx

 

[AppleBlossom]

If you're split with your Bf then what does it matter if keeping your baby would not make him happy? F**k him! But as Toria says, having a baby at 19 is not easy and you have to give up a hell of a lot. If you like going out and not having responsiblities then having a baby isn't for you. Think long and hard before you make a decision

 

[xarlenex]

He's made clear he's having nothing to do with this baby right now. So, for your sake totally disregard him for a few minutes, and let your heart tell you what you want.

Good luck in whatever you decide xx

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Thankyou I know it sounds horrible, but i don't know if i actually want to keep it myself. I dont know what i want to do. I hate the thought of having an abortion though, especially after coming on here + seeing everyone trying to get pregnant, i'd feel so horrible. I want to tell my mother, but i dont know how im going to tell her! My family hate my ex at the moment x

Don't worry about everyone else. You worry about you. YOu have to do what's right for YOU becuase YOU will be (or not be) "mom". YOU will have to deal with whatever path you choose--not them.

 

[Pixxie]

Share your situation with someone you trust, your mum will probably be a lot more understanding than you think but remember that people can give you advice but NO-ONE can tell you what to do to your own body. Dont make a decision to please someone else, you will never forgive yourself. Remember you still have time to decide, even if you choose to have an abortion. I hope it all works out for you, good luck xx

 

[Beth_18]

follow your heart hun x x x

 

[esther]

Hey sweet, hugs for you! Since you guys are not together anymore, then you need to maybe consider your feelings and what you want a little more than what he wants. The decision to go forward with a pregnancy is very private and can be very hard, so make sure you think very carefully about exactly what you want. Don't rush into a decision but don't make one based on the fact that he will get angry.

Take some time out and think how the decision will affect you and whether you want to do this.

Good luck making your decision! xo

 

[bump#3]

what he wants doesnt matter if he didnt want a baby then he should of been more careful and he had no right to say those awful things to you. I think you should confide in someone you trust or a doctor or something. I fell pregnant with my first at 19 and wouldnt change it for the world. Good luck hun!

 

[moonlight dust]

Hiya, its shock at first. me and my partner are very happy and even planned this baby. but even now im scared, thinking i dont want a baby.

you have to think about all the pro's and con's.

just make sure 'YOU' and only 'YOU' know what you want. its your decision and nobody elses.

take care and hope you make the right decision for you.

 

[katb]

I feel for you, it's such a hard decision to make. I was 15 when I fell pregnant with my son and I wasn't with the father although he was supportive so slightly different.

He's now 13 and it's been a rocky but very rewarding road!

I wasn't sure what I wanted, it seemed that EVERYONE else wanted me to have an abortion - teachers, family, even doctors. I think in a way that made me more determined to keep him ( little rebel I was!)

Make your decision carefully and go with your heart.
Plus don't listen to your ex, sorry to be harsh but if he's not supporting you in some way during this then he's not worth your time/consideration or your tears. Of course it would be perfect if he was there and chances are once the baby is born (if you go ahead) he'll come round but you don't need him.

Good luck with whatever you decide.