What to do when BF is a smoker?

[Rachel89]

My OH's best friend moved back, and he is a chain smoker.

I helped him last week getting settled in, but he would smoke outside and come back in the car, and since we live in the Caribbean he can't wear a vest/jacket and take it off.

I find it difficult too, because OH and I finally found our own place and I want NO smoking not even in the yard. Snce he smokes so much I am sure the smoke will linger along with him once he comes in the house.

OH and I both have asthma and the chances are great for LO to get it too. I get it I cannot expect him not to smoke in his own house when we are there with baby, which I won't be doing anymore with LO. But he says he HAS to smoke, every 20 minutes at least 1.


How,would you go about this?

 

[bananaz]

Edit: Oops, I misread your post!

You're allowed to ask that people not smoke in or around your home, especially with a small baby who has a family history of asthma. If your OH's friend really isn't willing to abstain when he's at your house then it sounds like it would be best if your OH hung out at his place instead. You could have OH give him a clean shirt to wear when he comes in your home, but if he's going out to smoke every 20 minutes that could become a big hassle.

 

[tinytabby]

Can you ask him to cross the street to smoke? And maybe not wear a jacket but perhaps a long sleeved t shirt? If he's a friend he should accept your concerns about asthma.

 

[SaraEmily]

I think you have every right to ask him not to smoke near your home. It's your home.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I agree that you have the right to ask him not to smoke in or near your house.

Every 20 minutes is very heavy smoking! He's got to abide by your rules and consider your LO's health if he wants to live with you

 

[Rachel89]

Edit: Oops, I misread your post!

You're allowed to ask that people not smoke in or around your home, especially with a small baby who has a family history of asthma. If your OH's friend really isn't willing to abstain when he's at your house then it sounds like it would be best if your OH hung out at his place instead. You could have OH give him a clean shirt to wear when he comes in your home, but if he's going out to smoke every 20 minutes that could become a big hassle.

How did you misread it? That is exactlyyhe problem! Also if we pick him up he has to smoke every 20 minutes and the smoke comes in the car and LO is in the car too which worries me!

 

[bananaz]

How did you misread it? That is exactlyyhe problem! Also if we pick him up he has to smoke every 20 minutes and the smoke comes in the car and LO is in the car too which worries me!

Oh, I deleted my original post and wrote a new answer.

There's no way in heck I would let him smoke in the car whether your child is in there at the time or not. The fact that he thinks he "has" to smoke every 20 minutes is irrelevant. It's your car and your rules. He can chew on some nicotine gum if that's what it takes for him to survive the ride.

 

[Rachel89]

The thing is they are gonna say I am overreacting because he smoked ie in the yard or outside so it is okay for him to come back in the car or house. How do I explain the affects or second hand smoking without hurting his feelings?

I honestly thinkthis is going to lead to him seeing us less but he has to understand, my LO's health comes first. It doesn't help that everyone h is acuianted with thinks it is normal and okay! Especially since to him he is already taking precausions by smoking outside, but a car is tiny and smoke still lingers due to it sticking to him, same goes for a house.

 

[Rachel89]

How did you misread it? That is exactlyyhe problem! Also if we pick him up he has to smoke every 20 minutes and the smoke comes in the car and LO is in the car too which worries me!

Oh, I deleted my original post and wrote a new answer.

There's no way in heck I would let him smoke in the car whether your child is in there at the time or not. The fact that he thinks he "has" to smoke every 20 minutes is irrelevant. It's your car and your rules. He can chew on some nicotine gum if that's what it takes for him to survive the ride.

He doesnt smoke in the car he smokes outside and comes back in but the smoke still lingers :-/

But how can I best approach him? Be like we love hanging out with you, but second hand amoke is very bad for babies specially our LO since we have a history of asthma. His doctor has recommended not to smoke around him and that includes you not smoking if you are in the car with us not even outside since th smoke will get into the air and linger in the car? And stick to LO's carsest and he will inhale this too which is ey bad for his health?

Like that?

Haha he won't be hanging out with me anymore :-/ doesn't help that OH's family donmy like me now they will all like me less LOL XD YAY (sarcasm)

 

[Rachel89]

My apologies if I come off as high and mighty, I am just scared for his health. And if I come across as too soft, it isjust that he is OH;s best friend they are friends literally since being diapers. And my in my culture they really do nottake second hand smoking seriously, even with babies. thank you ladies

 

[bananaz]

He doesnt smoke in the car he smokes outside and comes back in but the smoke still lingers :-/

But how can I best approach him? Be like we love hanging out with you, but second hand amoke is very bad for babies specially our LO since we have a history of asthma. His doctor has recommended not to smoke around him and that includes you not smoking if you are in the car with us not even outside since th smoke will get into the air and linger in the car? And stick to LO's carsest and he will inhale this too which is ey bad for his health?

Like that?

Haha he won't be hanging out with me anymore :-/ doesn't help that OH's family donmy like me now they will all like me less LOL XD YAY (sarcasm)

Yeah, that sounds like a good way to phrase it. I had to deal with this issue with my sister and although my family was fussy about it at first, I was polite but firm and eventually they got the picture that it was non-negotiable and they just needed to get used to it. And they did! No one can fault you for being concerned about your baby's health.

 

[bananaz]

On a side note, are cigarettes really cheap where you live? Or is your OH's friend really rich? I'd have to think a chainsmoking habit that serious would be quite expensive. If he has that much disposable income maybe he should just take a taxi instead of riding in your car

 

[Rachel89]

On a side note, are cigarettes really cheap where you live? Or is your OH's friend really rich? I'd have to think a chainsmoking habit that serious would be quite expensive. If he has that much disposable income maybe he should just take a taxi instead of riding in your car

No they are not!! He is just very addicted and will spend all his money on it, he doesn't care. He is Dutch, not that I am generalizing that all Dutch people are like that (part Dutch myself), but quite a few I know can be like that lol!

The thing is, since we live on an island, everywhere is such a short distance, so we pop in and out a lot, and whenever we pop out he smokes, and then comes back in the car right away because we have to leave and go somewhere else.

How did you approach the issue with your sister? How did she react? The not smoking in the house is less of an issue compared to the not smoking while he is on the 'road' with us for the reason mentioned above.

 

[Peggy O]

I ran into this with my aunt. She smokes (outside) and thought she would not smell at all, as long as she only ever smoked outdoors

I think smokers really don't get that it still reeks. I smoked a long time ago, and I never thought that I stunk, but I know now I did. I had to be VERY assertive with the aunt, she meant well and only wanted to hold LO for the 1st time, but I had to say NO. She argued it with me, as if I was nuts, but I don't care. I love her, but NO ONE who smells of smoke is holding or coming in close contact with LO. This happened at a family party for the aunt's granddaughter, my cousin's kid. They do allow smokers around their kids, but no smoking IN the home. I was at their house so I just kept LO in a wrap and kept my distance. Here in our home smoking is not allowed near the house. OH's brother does smoke in the way back (like and acre from the house and all other guests) at cookouts, but we are all outside all day and he is not allowed to hold LO after a smoke. He knows this, we explained and he is OK with it. His friend's son had breathing difficulty that a dr said was likely due to constant exposure to 3rd hand smoke from both parents. He loves LO so he abides by the rules.

It's difficult, but if this guy is a real friend he will respect your wishes. I would be frank with him. Tell him it's awkward for you to bring up, but that you have been bothered by it, it is non negotiable...and that is that.

I hope it works out OK for you