- Joined
- Sep 15, 2013
- Messages
- 16,469
- Reaction score
- 672
Hi BNB!
I'm just curious what other parents would do in this situation.... It's also just partly venting so excuse the length.
TLDR: The boys (DS is 6, N is 11) can't play nicely without active adult supervision because they both have special needs. N excludes DS often and antagonizes our dogs.
During the school year, he would come over once a week on a schedule. Same day, same time, stayed for the same amount of time (about 20-30 minutes). Even on a bad day, I'd take one for my son because he's super social and feels special. Now that we're on summer vacation, N has come by almost every day. The trouble is that he will not stop banging on the door and screaming through the door, but if I answer it and/or my son hears him then it's a massive tantrum if I send him away. The boys only play at our house because my son is too loud/ has ADHD, so he's never invited over to theirs nor would I feel comfortable. We live on a small circle that connects to a very busy/major street, so they can't play out front either.
They are both on the Autism spectrum and have sensory processing disorder, but it manifests differently for both of them. The neighbor hates loud noises, but my son's stimming is very loud. The neighbor comes over to play with my son's stuff (our tv, our switch, our playground, his toys) but not with my son, but my son is hyper social and wants to play WITH him. This results in yelling, sometimes pushing, doors getting kicked (he locks my son out of the house/his room), bad words, and so on. If I'm home, I know the boys well enough that I can intervene and redirect most behavior before it escalates. Usually by 20 minutes, they're on their last behavior reminder. It's honestly so oil and water that even my brother and mother together could not manage them. I'd say I'm shocked they're friends and he bothers to come over, but he's really here for the stuff and not my son.
I'm hesitant to tell him once a week is fine because it will because a routine for him, and I will be pulled into a commitment for once a week. He has a hard time understanding that just because we are home doesn't mean we're free to play.
I don't have a close relationship with his parents. He often comes without them and lets himself back into his house. I'd have to make a point to go over to their house to talk to them. I also have bad social anxiety, so I don't want to talk to them period. I'm also scared because the SpEd mom community around here is small, and we have a hard enough time dealing with the school to be on bad terms with other families. Honestly, the boys are 5 years apart. My son has tons of other friends. They don't do anything big together like trick or treat or birthdays or plan outings...
Like I feel really ah and I appreciate all the families who keep my son included... but they don't have him over every week and aren't asked to watch him without help. If the boys could just play nicely or at least have disagreements that don't result in the screaming/hitting/bad words, then I probably wouldn't care so much. I honestly would not lose sleep if N never had another playdate here.
WWYD?
I'm just curious what other parents would do in this situation.... It's also just partly venting so excuse the length.
TLDR: The boys (DS is 6, N is 11) can't play nicely without active adult supervision because they both have special needs. N excludes DS often and antagonizes our dogs.
During the school year, he would come over once a week on a schedule. Same day, same time, stayed for the same amount of time (about 20-30 minutes). Even on a bad day, I'd take one for my son because he's super social and feels special. Now that we're on summer vacation, N has come by almost every day. The trouble is that he will not stop banging on the door and screaming through the door, but if I answer it and/or my son hears him then it's a massive tantrum if I send him away. The boys only play at our house because my son is too loud/ has ADHD, so he's never invited over to theirs nor would I feel comfortable. We live on a small circle that connects to a very busy/major street, so they can't play out front either.
They are both on the Autism spectrum and have sensory processing disorder, but it manifests differently for both of them. The neighbor hates loud noises, but my son's stimming is very loud. The neighbor comes over to play with my son's stuff (our tv, our switch, our playground, his toys) but not with my son, but my son is hyper social and wants to play WITH him. This results in yelling, sometimes pushing, doors getting kicked (he locks my son out of the house/his room), bad words, and so on. If I'm home, I know the boys well enough that I can intervene and redirect most behavior before it escalates. Usually by 20 minutes, they're on their last behavior reminder. It's honestly so oil and water that even my brother and mother together could not manage them. I'd say I'm shocked they're friends and he bothers to come over, but he's really here for the stuff and not my son.
I'm hesitant to tell him once a week is fine because it will because a routine for him, and I will be pulled into a commitment for once a week. He has a hard time understanding that just because we are home doesn't mean we're free to play.
I don't have a close relationship with his parents. He often comes without them and lets himself back into his house. I'd have to make a point to go over to their house to talk to them. I also have bad social anxiety, so I don't want to talk to them period. I'm also scared because the SpEd mom community around here is small, and we have a hard enough time dealing with the school to be on bad terms with other families. Honestly, the boys are 5 years apart. My son has tons of other friends. They don't do anything big together like trick or treat or birthdays or plan outings...
Like I feel really ah and I appreciate all the families who keep my son included... but they don't have him over every week and aren't asked to watch him without help. If the boys could just play nicely or at least have disagreements that don't result in the screaming/hitting/bad words, then I probably wouldn't care so much. I honestly would not lose sleep if N never had another playdate here.
WWYD?
