What would you do? Serious problem

Discussion in 'General Chatter' started by Welly, Apr 7, 2009.

?

What would you do?

  1. Stay out of it, it will work out in the end.

  2. Try talking to cousin again.

  3. Send an anonymous email to ex-husband expressing concern over paternity.

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  1. Welly

    Welly Mum to ds (5) and dd (1m)

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    Hi Ladies

    I am in a complete quandry,and would love to hear your views,if you don't mind. It's a bit of a long story but i'll try to keep it brief....

    My cousin fell pregnant several years ago after being with her boyfriend for 4 weeks. She claimed to be 4 weeks pregnant. This is fine,and all adds up! However, she had been with her fiance for 5 years and split with him the day before she slept with this new boyfriend.

    She went into labour and claimed the baby was born 4 weeks early, he was not in SCBU he was 8lb something,had fully formed nails,no vernix or anything. So things started to seem a bit odd!

    The baby got to about 2 and was the spitting image of her ex-fiance, no denying it. The entire family (including her brothers) believe that the father of the baby if her ex-fiance. Ex-fiance was blonde, boyfriend was dark brown hair. Plus ex-fiance had some very distinguishing features which her son has! I have tried talking to her about it but she is adamant her boyfriend is the father.

    Shortly after the little boys 2nd birthday the boyfriend (her husband by then) walked out on her. She was devastated. She had to move back with her Mum and Dad. They got divorced. She is now engaged to someone else. The little boy is now 6.

    So....

    My quandry is because the ex-husband is paying over £500 a month in child support, he believes the child is his. I really want to contact him and get him to check the paternity of the child, but can't risk him telling my cousin it was me.

    I understand my cousin wanting to hurt him,but this isn't fair. This is wrong for the child,the ex-husband, and also for the ex-fiance who has a child who doesn't know about! God, it sounds like something off the Jeremy Kyle show :rofl:

    If you were in my position what would you do? Would you stay out of it, would you send an anonymous email or something? Iknow it doesn'thave anything to do with me, but I feel my cousin is taking the mick!

    Thanks xxx
     
  2. MummyMummy

    MummyMummy Well-Known Member

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    i wouldn't say anything. it's not your place to get involved, you've spoken to her she doesn't wanna talk about it - takethat hint. i agree that it isn't on/fair and is very very sly. but at the same time you could open a whooole can of worms that just wont go back inthat can. you got to think about thatchild too, he's 6 and has always known who 'daddy' is - you'd be potentially messing his little head up. he has a right to know, but not because you opened your mouth. it could seperate her parents from you/your parents/your side of the family. atthe end of the day inthe eyes of family YOU would always be the bad one, the stirer so to speak.

    i say justsayout of it, things always have a habit of coming out on their own and if/when they do if you feel the need to, offer your support an 'i always knew' answer wontbe needed. just support.

    it's hard to hold your tongue at times isn't it, when you just know something is wrong!

    xXx
     
  3. x_Rainbow_x

    x_Rainbow_x Well-Known Member

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    stay out of it. i grew up not knowing my real dad i found out at 20 my dad wasnt my real dad. but he did a amazing job and i love him no matter what. Its up to your cousin to tell the child and the ex about it. He might noit be the child father but hes the childs dad and im sure he does a bloody good job :) so best to leave alone because not only are you causing trouble for the cousin but confusing the child.
     
  4. Welly

    Welly Mum to ds (5) and dd (1m)

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    Thanks girls.

    You are both totally right. It is so hard to sit and watch what is going on. The ex-husband who is paying the £500+a month only sees the child once every 2months, he isn't too interested really. BUT the child loves him, and you are right, it is not fair on the child to be messed about again. He has had such a hard little life already.


    Thanks for your input, xxx
     
  5. Yeah I agree with the others. Its best left alone
     
  6. polo_princess

    polo_princess ♥ Brookes Mummy ♥

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    As much as i would want to say something i think your best leaving well alone, it will only come back and bite you in the butt chick
     
  7. AppleBlossom

    AppleBlossom Guest

    Definately stay out of it hun x

    P.s I'm from the Wirral too :D
     
  8. Welly

    Welly Mum to ds (5) and dd (1m)

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    Thanks girls, really appreciate the input. Sometimes when things annoy me I don't think straight, so it's good having level heads around.

    Bexy_22,where abouts on the wirral are you hun? I'm in e.port (not that I am bragging about it mind :rofl:)
     
  9. danni0509

    danni0509 Well-Known Member

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    this is a tough one
    but i would send an anonymous email to be honest
    i dont care if people say im wrong for saying this but why the fcuk should this man pay £500 per month if the child is not actually his ? i dont agree with this at all especially IF he is being lied too
    i feel sorry for the child but i think the child has the right to know who his father is also i think the father has a god given right to know that he may not be the father x
     
  10. caz81

    caz81 Well-Known Member

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    i would stay out of it to be honest, could cause you lots of problems if you get involved x
     
  11. Kirstin

    Kirstin Well-Known Member

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    Keep out of it. This is going to affect the child as well and really has nothing to do with you.
     
  12. Lexi's Mummy

    Lexi's Mummy Linzi xx

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    i agree with danni tbh, its not fair on the ex hus to pay for a child thats not his. nor is it fair for the real father to not know he has a child, the child may love the ex and think of him as her father but i think it would be cruel to deny her the chance to meet her real father. but thats just my oppinion :)

    xx Linzi xx
     
  13. McLovin

    McLovin Well-Known Member

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    Do not send an email what ever you do.
    He may not know it's from you - but it will click with your cousin that it was you when he tells her.
    The thing is, if she won't admit that to you, there may be other things she isn't telling you - like her reasons for not wanting the ex-ex in the picture.

    If she believes that is what is right for her child, you can't take away her right to make those decisions. It may be wrong for the most recent ex to be paying maintenance - but it's not putting you out - and your loyalty must lie with your cousin - not her ex.
    She would be so hurt if you went behind her back.
     

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