Steph63
Mummy after 4 yrs ttc <3
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Ok, so H2B and I have been engaged for nearly seven years, but to be honest have poured all our money etc into our house, but will have an inheritence through soon and will be using this to finally get married next year and we are both so excited!
Ok, by way of background (this will be relevant later) h2b was married once before and has an 11 year-old daughter, N. We get on fantastically, we are really really close, and the three of us always have a ball when we are together. H2b and I don't have any children yet (undergoing fertility treatment at the mo). H2b's parents both passed away last year, just eight months apart. Miss his mum lots & lots.
My mum & dad are divorced, Dad lives in England (we're in NI) and my Mum doesn't know I have contact with him, she would totally freak out if she did. My mum and I have a strange relationship! We are close in that we see eachother 2-3 times a week, although I don't share much with her, she doesn't know about us TTC etc, but she is hard work! My sister and I always say we feel more like the parents, making decisions for her etc! For example, if we take her out for dinner she won't even decide what she wants to eat or drink and will just copy whatever I'm having. She doesn't get out much, not at all really because she cares for my Gran, but when she does, she is very ackward socially and doesn't really mix well, to the point were it is embarrassing for me & my sis.
Anyway, for years N has said she can't wait to be bridesmaid when her Dad and I get married and if we are in Debenhams etc will point out dresses she likes. When we decided to get married, H2B and I said we would like to get married in Mauritus, just the two of us, but N assumed we would be taking her and H2B is quite happy to do so....I can't decide. She spent hours on the computer last week looking at bridesmaid dresses and is so excited about going to a bridal fayre with us at the weekend. Basically there is no way we can get married without her being there, which leaves us with the following three options as far as I can see, would love your thoughts in case there is anything I haven't thought of, or to know if any of you other lovely ladies have been in this position, what did you do?
1. Get married abroad, probably Mauritis, and take N with us. I know we would have a ball, but at the same time, a trip like that is a once in a lifetime thing for us, we would probably never have the money to do it again and you only get one honeymoon. I just worry it wouldn't feel so special and romantic with N there, much as I love her...but at the same time if I had manged to get pregnant by now, it probably wouldn't cross my mind not to take my child, so am I being selfish in asking H2B to leave his daughter at home? (I should probably add, we have taken her away for weekends etc, but never abroad, although her mum usually takes her on 3-4 exotic hols a year).
2. Go to Gretna Green, just the three of us, so N is at the ceremony and can be bridesmaid, then go off on honeymoon just us. What worries me about this is that because Gretna Green is just a short trip away, family/friends might want to join us, then it gets ackward with who comes & who doesn't......My mum & sis might be more offended that we are taking N, who they might see as H2B's 'side' with no-one from my side, but I don't see it like that, the three of us are a family when we are together....
3. Have a 'traditional' wedding at home, but as this costs more, we wouldn't be able to afford a trip like Mauritius. Also this then means obviously I wouldn't get married at home without my mum there, I wouldn't not invite her...I know I must sound like a b**** and I do love her to bits, but she is hard work and she stresses me out so much that I then lose my temper, and I just don't think I could relax and enjoy it.....Also, I worry that with my Mum there, it will be more of a reminder that his Mum, who he adored, isn't and it will be more upsetting for him. And if I get married at home, it will be harder to tell my Dad, there is absolutely no way he could be invited and at least if we go away I don't have to worry about that....
I should add that, if we don't get married at home, we will have a party when we come home, either hire somewhere, or just in the house, because our house parties are legendary!!!
When we decided that we were going to get hitched next year, I was so excited, and it really gave me something positive to focus on, because the fertility treatment stuff was really making me depressed, but now it just seems like another hassle!
H2b's preference I think is for the 3 of us to go to Mauritius, but he said he will go with whatever I decide......
If you have made it to this point, THANK-YOU and hope I haven't bored you too much!
Ok, by way of background (this will be relevant later) h2b was married once before and has an 11 year-old daughter, N. We get on fantastically, we are really really close, and the three of us always have a ball when we are together. H2b and I don't have any children yet (undergoing fertility treatment at the mo). H2b's parents both passed away last year, just eight months apart. Miss his mum lots & lots.
My mum & dad are divorced, Dad lives in England (we're in NI) and my Mum doesn't know I have contact with him, she would totally freak out if she did. My mum and I have a strange relationship! We are close in that we see eachother 2-3 times a week, although I don't share much with her, she doesn't know about us TTC etc, but she is hard work! My sister and I always say we feel more like the parents, making decisions for her etc! For example, if we take her out for dinner she won't even decide what she wants to eat or drink and will just copy whatever I'm having. She doesn't get out much, not at all really because she cares for my Gran, but when she does, she is very ackward socially and doesn't really mix well, to the point were it is embarrassing for me & my sis.
Anyway, for years N has said she can't wait to be bridesmaid when her Dad and I get married and if we are in Debenhams etc will point out dresses she likes. When we decided to get married, H2B and I said we would like to get married in Mauritus, just the two of us, but N assumed we would be taking her and H2B is quite happy to do so....I can't decide. She spent hours on the computer last week looking at bridesmaid dresses and is so excited about going to a bridal fayre with us at the weekend. Basically there is no way we can get married without her being there, which leaves us with the following three options as far as I can see, would love your thoughts in case there is anything I haven't thought of, or to know if any of you other lovely ladies have been in this position, what did you do?
1. Get married abroad, probably Mauritis, and take N with us. I know we would have a ball, but at the same time, a trip like that is a once in a lifetime thing for us, we would probably never have the money to do it again and you only get one honeymoon. I just worry it wouldn't feel so special and romantic with N there, much as I love her...but at the same time if I had manged to get pregnant by now, it probably wouldn't cross my mind not to take my child, so am I being selfish in asking H2B to leave his daughter at home? (I should probably add, we have taken her away for weekends etc, but never abroad, although her mum usually takes her on 3-4 exotic hols a year).
2. Go to Gretna Green, just the three of us, so N is at the ceremony and can be bridesmaid, then go off on honeymoon just us. What worries me about this is that because Gretna Green is just a short trip away, family/friends might want to join us, then it gets ackward with who comes & who doesn't......My mum & sis might be more offended that we are taking N, who they might see as H2B's 'side' with no-one from my side, but I don't see it like that, the three of us are a family when we are together....
3. Have a 'traditional' wedding at home, but as this costs more, we wouldn't be able to afford a trip like Mauritius. Also this then means obviously I wouldn't get married at home without my mum there, I wouldn't not invite her...I know I must sound like a b**** and I do love her to bits, but she is hard work and she stresses me out so much that I then lose my temper, and I just don't think I could relax and enjoy it.....Also, I worry that with my Mum there, it will be more of a reminder that his Mum, who he adored, isn't and it will be more upsetting for him. And if I get married at home, it will be harder to tell my Dad, there is absolutely no way he could be invited and at least if we go away I don't have to worry about that....
I should add that, if we don't get married at home, we will have a party when we come home, either hire somewhere, or just in the house, because our house parties are legendary!!!
When we decided that we were going to get hitched next year, I was so excited, and it really gave me something positive to focus on, because the fertility treatment stuff was really making me depressed, but now it just seems like another hassle!
H2b's preference I think is for the 3 of us to go to Mauritius, but he said he will go with whatever I decide......
If you have made it to this point, THANK-YOU and hope I haven't bored you too much!
