What would you do?

[calm]

Would you get rid of a material thing because you have a bad relationship with the person that bought it for you?

I'm having this doubt about a bathroom mirror a friend got us for a wedding present. We are now going to move and have to renew everything before moving, including the bathroom. I don't know if to leave it behind because I associate so much negativity with this "friend", or take it along as the mirror was a wedding present, just an object, and was happy with the friend at the time of the present? Is the fact I am doubting this meaning I should just get rid of the mirror even if I really like it, or am I just being really silly and its just a mirror? I should add there has been at least 1 very traumatic experience in our friendship, we now speak, but don't hardly see each other (She contacts me for her own reasons: she has some boxes stored in our garage, and doesn't live near me now. I haven't even told her about our pregnancy and really don't want to as if I feel she could somehow harm it, that's how much negativity there has been in the past ) . Any insight would he helpful!

 

[BabyMamma93]

id say to do whatever your heart tells you.. but remember you may regret it..
i have jewelery from ex boyfriends (or should i say HAD) there was a ring off one guy, and a ring and bracelet from another.. i stopped wearing jewelery and the braclet was broke so i actually gave them away to OHs sister and gran. I now regret it, yes one was quite a sham relationship, lasted a few months, the other was almost 2 years of utter 'controlling' and him following me about, but its not reasons for the relationship i want them back, its more juty the sentiment of them, the reminder that i am who i am because of that, luckily my OH never thought it was weird that i kept them and wanted to keep them, at the end of the day it was only a bit of gold, but somethings become a part of you, wether or not u want a reminder of the shit times..
anyway the moral of the story, keep something you arent sure what to do with, i cant get this jewelery back and have to look at it almost every day xx

 

[calm]

id say to do whatever your heart tells you.. but remember you may regret it..
i have jewelery from ex boyfriends (or should i say HAD) there was a ring off one guy, and a ring and bracelet from another.. i stopped wearing jewelery and the braclet was broke so i actually gave them away to OHs sister and gran. I now regret it, yes one was quite a sham relationship, lasted a few months, the other was almost 2 years of utter 'controlling' and him following me about, but its not reasons for the relationship i want them back, its more juty the sentiment of them, the reminder that i am who i am because of that, luckily my OH never thought it was weird that i kept them and wanted to keep them, at the end of the day it was only a bit of gold, but somethings become a part of you, wether or not u want a reminder of the shit times..
anyway the moral of the story, keep something you arent sure what to do with, i cant get this jewelery back and have to look at it almost every day xx

That is one thing I have quite clear, if I don't keep it, I will certainly get rid of it, as if not MIL is bound to want it and that would be worse!

 

[Loui1001]

I would get rid of it, I make associations with everything and to me it wouldn't be 'just' a mirror, I wouldn't be able to look at it without thinking about that person. A good excuse to go shopping and buy an even more beautiful one!

 

[jd83]

I'd get rid of it if you have bad feelings about it and are associating it with the negativity with the gifter. No reason to start off in your new home with something you aren't feeling 100% about. I don't think there's any rule stating you have to keep all wedding gifts forever either. You've used the gift, so it's not as if the gift was a total waste. I'd sell it, put the money towards something you and DH choose together for your new home.

DH and I have done this with many wedding items. Not because of bad feelings, just because they are no longer our style and we were ready to pick new things for our home together (been married 12 yrs, so I don't think we need to keep the same decor we had when married forever). We used all of our gifts, they were appreciated, and I don't think anyone would ever fault us for not keeping something indefinitely. We have kept some items that were clearly mementos, though, like engraved items, etc.

 

[Noodlebear]

I have so much stuff that I've accumulated over the years that has some sort of connection to people I no longer see or speak to, if it was something I liked I'd see throwing it out as cutting my nose off to spite my face iyswim. The only things I get rid of are gifts that are very obviously from ex partners or photos.

 

[calm]

Thank you everyone, I think deep down I think I should get rid of it. The thing is, if I do there are another 2 things that she bought us as presents I should get rid of too (a coat hanger thing and a sauce pot container set). The annoying thing is I really like all the objects, and we have so much to pay for with having a new house and soon to be here twins, that I can't really splash out on super nice things. She's had plenty out of me over the years, but it still doesn't make it feel right. My mind is still fighting between wanting to keep the objects, not wanting to keep them because I don't want her "featuring" in my house, and feeling idiotic for even giving it any thought

 

[Lauraxamy]

I don't think I'd throw it out especially if I really liked the item, unless I couldn't look at it without becoming really upset from bad memories - but over time that could fade? It's a difficult one.

 

[jd83]

Thank you everyone, I think deep down I think I should get rid of it. The thing is, if I do there are another 2 things that she bought us as presents I should get rid of too (a coat hanger thing and a sauce pot container set). The annoying thing is I really like all the objects, and we have so much to pay for with having a new house and soon to be here twins, that I can't really splash out on super nice things. She's had plenty out of me over the years, but it still doesn't make it feel right. My mind is still fighting between wanting to keep the objects, not wanting to keep them because I don't want her "featuring" in my house, and feeling idiotic for even giving it any thought

Hmm...Its more difficult if you actually really like the items themselves still, aside from who they are from. Given that, maybe just put them in storage for a time until you can decide whether you want to keep them or get rid of them? That way you don't regret it later if you decide you did still like the items enough to keep them, despite the issues with the gifter. Or another option: maybe repurpose/repaint trim, or something to make it more your own thing? Sometimes something simple can make it feel more your own. My mom gave us a large hallway mirror as a housewarming gift for our first home, but we both really disliked the trim color, so didn't ever use it for a few years. Then I decided to repaint the entire trim to match the decor, and now we both love it and have had it displayed ever since.

ETA: my mom has also seen it since, and loves the repaint job to match everything else.

 

[OmarsMum]

All baby stuff I'm keeping (pram, stroller, carseat, high chair) are from a family I don't talk to anymore I'm not going to get rid of them

I try to separate my feelings from objects, they are only objects to me. If it's something I like or need I keep it, if it's something I don't like I give it away or throw it.

 

[sequeena]

Yes get rid it's clearly bothering you x

 

[Button#]

If I really liked the objects I'd keep them. Your friend may have bought and paid for them but they have been a part of your life and home and if you love them I wouldn't let them go. I think you can train yourself not to think of her when you see them.

 

[AP]

I think it depends - do you love it more than your "friend"

If its something my heart isnt set on it would go.

 

[calm]

Thank you, all replies are great, I suppose we all see it differently, and I think it all depends on many factors. I have more or less decided on getting rid after writing this thread. I think if it was just people that for whatever reason I didn't speak to, I would just let it be. But the problem is its a deeply traumatic event that I link to it all. Its really odd because I'm not superstitious or anything like that but I feel like anything to do with her is a bad omen and just contains negativity. I think I want to wash her out of my hair and start a new house without these reminders, even if the objects in themselves are fine and pretty, but I just feels like I'm dragging my past around with me. They are of course innocent pieces of glass and wood, its just the association and value you give to them, but I can't help it, I suppose its just me and how I am. New start, new family, new house, begone with these objects. (Now have to make sure that we get rid in a way that MIL doesn't see and pounces on it Won't be doing so until we move which is a few months away yet)

 

[jd83]

I think that's the best bet then, if you are really associating major negative feelings with it due to relationship fall out with this person. No reason to carry over negativity to your new home, when it should be a new beginning.

 

[emyandpotato]

Is it a nice mirror? If so keep it. If not, get rid.

 

[Natasha2605]

If you can disassociate the mirror from the gifter and the negatives I'd keep it. If it will remind and cause you to dwell on the past I'd get rid

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

If you really like the mirror, could you not kept it and repaint it? (Assuming it's a paintable one, bathroom mirrors bring to mind cupboard mirrors to me for some reason)

If not get rid of it, mirrors don't have to be expensive to replace and if it takes away any negative feelings it can only be a positive thing