What Would You Do?

[Helen397]

Hi Everyone,
This is my dilema so what would you do in your opinion.
I am 35 next month so I feel that the clock is really ticking away and I cant stop thinking about having a child.
I have been with my fiance for nearly 3 years and life is good but .........
he has a 13 year old son and the thought of another child / responsibility scares him to death as he left his son as his previous relationship was horrid which was the worst decision of his life, he now feels that if another child was bought into the world things would go wrong and he would have to leave or to that affect.
I feel myself trying to convince him of all the good things about having a child but i'm nearly ready to give up as I should'nt be having to convince him to have a baby should i?
So i'm now thinking do I stay patient as he might change his mind as he said he wants a child with me or start thinking about leaving him to start a family with someone who REALLY wants to?
What would you do?
Lots of love
Helen XXX

 

[lozzy21]

Id give him an ultimatum, if he loves you he will want to make you happy.

 

[Purpular]

That's a really hard one. What would you regret more in your later years - that you didnt have a child or that things went wrong with your fiancee? Resentment is very difficult to bear but it ultimately has to come from you.

Best of luck, and hopefully he'll realise he'd love a child with you soon x

 

[Amygdala]

I wouldn't give him an ultimatum as that might make him feel like you're trying to control him. But I would sit him down and talk to him seriously but calmly about how much you want to have a child and about how your time is running out. Maybe he's not even aware that it'll become much harder for you to have a healthy child in the coming years. I wouldn't leave him without having tried everything to make him see how important this is for you. Maybe he'd feel differently if you were married before TTC? Maybe a quick wedding and then a baby asap would be ok with him? I think he sounds like he's just scared of not being able to make it work again? But if he says he doesn't want kids ever, you'll have to evaluate what you want more, him or a child. And I think no woman would blame you for choosing the latter. Good luck with talking to him!

 

[mommyB]

Before my hubby and I got engaged to be married I made sure that he did want to have kids because he knew how much it meant to me. I think maybe you guys need to talk it out and let him know how important it is to you, and maybe you guys can come to a decision. I hope he wouldn't leave you if you had a child. Why does he feel that things will go wrong if you guys had a baby?

 

[luckyme225]

I agree with the others that you should sit down and have a serious talk. Do you think he would change his mind if you were married? I hope things work out the way you want it.

 

[Elphaba]

Oh hun, that really is a tough one. I think you guys definitely need to talk and get to the bottom of the issue. It sounds like he has concerns about things going wrong like with his previous relationship as opposed to outright not wanting a child with you. Hopefully it won't come to the point of you having to make a choose between him and a baby. But first you need to know whether there is a chance of a baby with him in the future before you can decide.

If you do end up in a position where you have to make a choice, it will be a hard one because neither outcome is a complete known. If you stayed with him, would you resent not having a child a little later down the line? If you left him, would you feel rushed into starting another relationship purely for someone to have a child with? Or what would happen if you found out you couldn't have children anyway - would you then feel you'd "left him for nothing"?

Just questions to consider. But it sounds from what you say, that he may well want a child at some point but he is scared of history repeating itself.

I hope you guys are able to get to the bottom of it and find a way forward (hopefully one which will lead to you being able to have a baby together!!)

 

[princess_bump]

i too think sitting down and having a proper heart to heart would be the best way forward honey if having children for you is a major thing and for him it isn't, then i think you both need to talk and reassess what you both want really hope things work out for you xx