What would you do??!!

[jocelynmarie]

Ok, so FOB is trying to decide when he's going to come over to see the baby. Originally he was going to come around the time of the birth, but then yesterday he asked me if he could come when I go back to work for 2-3 weeks.

I'm not allowing him to stay with me because I have a hard time tolerating him, I of course won't keep the baby away from him either as he deserves a father, but I'm having a really hard time with the idea that he will be alone with my baby for 9 hours a day while I'm at work. If he's here in the beginning, I'll have to deal with him, but at least I'll be able to supervise. He's never taken care of a newborn before, he has a niece, but he's never even so much as changed a diaper. I know all parents have to learn when they start a family, but for some reason this just really freaks me out.

Also, I don't trust him. I don't want him driving with the baby (he's from England... and while he's driven in the US before, its obviously not natural for him for him to drive on the right side of the road) and I can't but fear that he would try to take my son. It may be irrational, but I can't make the feeling go away.

So I'm trying to cope with my own fears and be reasonable, but it is so so so hard. He has no idea the connection I already have with this child, he turns it all around to him when I try to talk about it... "I have a connection too, its my child" He's not here, he doesn't feel the kicks, he doesn't deal with the heartburn, he isn't the one worried night and day about blood sugar (I have GD) I became a mother the instant I got pregnant, he thinks that I'm just being a bitch because I feel so protective.

What would you ladies do? Would you let him watch your son/daughter while you were at work?

 

[Ginger84]

Your FOB sounds just like mine, thinks he can just take care of the baby without getting to know him and without me around. In my opinion a mother is a mum from the moment they find out they are pregnant, whereas any man can father a child but it take a hell of a lot more than that to be a dad.

I would not feel comfortable him having the child for that long if he did not know how to care for the baby properly or the baby know him. I am assuming he can only come over for a while and does not live near you?

My son is only 4 wks old and ive only just started letting FOB see our son away from me, only for 2 hours, and only because he is 5 mins away at his mums house. I have trust issues too and worry that he will take him away. I guess it gets eaiser with time.

Im not sure that helps, but i guess if you dont feel comfortable about leaving him with the baby, then dont. You get to make all the decisions, thats the good bit of doing it alone.

Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy
x

 

[jocelynmarie]

Yeah he is in England and I'm in the states. I'll be sending him to daycare when I go back to work and I know that will be a stranger at first too, but they are at least qualified to care for a baby!!

Due to circumstances he'll only be able to see the child once or twice a year, I think thats the thing that will be the hardest for me to deal with. I won't have to deal with it often so every time its going to be a challenge all over again!!

 

[lal]

My FOB was insistent on having our son every other weekend before I had him (the 1 time we talked...) - now that our son is here, he realizes how ridiculous that was. I just made sure he spent a lot of time with him while I was there too, then slowly left the house a little bit at a time - by the time I went to dinner (gone for 3-4 hours) and he could not get our son to sleep, he saw that the baby needs me around and will for a while. You'll find that you both calm down about things when the baby is here. And I have realized that our son is okay with his dad, that his dad won't do anything stupid with him. He may be a little more paranoid than me (won't go down the stairs without leaning on the wall, uses 1,324 wipes every diaper change, texts me 10 times an hour to ask questions). So it's not so bad now, I hope it goes the same for you.