What's wrong with me?! So disconnected?!

[xZoeyx]

I can't understand it, I feel SO disconnected from this pregnancy and the worst part is I should be jumping for joy.

I suffered really bad gender disappointment and severe postnatal depression with my son. I was absolutely petrified I'd end up with another boy but knew that was the risk with getting pregnant, however, I got my little girl! Im going to have a daughter!!!

So why oh why am I not grinning from ear to ear? I've been and done tonnes of pink shopping, picked a name, done all the usual things once you know gender and I still feel so disconnected from this little one. I don't feel like she really even exists, bar seeing her on a screen she feels not real.

I'm doing and saying all the right things to friends but really I just feel lost. This pregnancy has been much harder on me than with my son so I don't know if that plays a part. I'm also so worried that she's not a girl after all and that I shouldn't be celebrating her being a girl when she might not be. I don't feel as though I'm lucky enough to "get what I want".

Someone please tell me I'm not going mad, is it normal to feel so disconnected?

 

[StarryEyed88]

I didn't want to read and run - and I've unfortunately not yet had any children so I cannot give you any advice but I wanted to send you hugs and hope everything works out for you xx

 

[Talia12]

I had disconnected feelings in my pregnancy with my son too, in my case the reason for it was horrible fears over paternity doubts, in your case the likely reason is that you've been really scared that you could have the same terrible experience you had with PND/gender disappointment. You might have now got your girly but those feelings and anxieties don't just disappear overnight. Give yourself time, keep doing and saying the right things (fake it till you make it) - it will come. I always wanted and loved my son when pregnant with him but constantly felt, like you, that he wasn't real, and also that I was going to fail him as a mother. By the time he started kicking around 18 weeks, I felt a lot better, and by about 30 weeks the feelings had completely gone and I was so so excited to have him. Even if your experience doesn't match up to mine of course that doesn't mean everything won't be ok - but you're not alone in feeling that you can't connect to the pregnancy. It will pass I promise.

 

[xZoeyx]

I had disconnected feelings in my pregnancy with my son too, in my case the reason for it was horrible fears over paternity doubts, in your case the likely reason is that you've been really scared that you could have the same terrible experience you had with PND/gender disappointment. You might have now got your girly but those feelings and anxieties don't just disappear overnight. Give yourself time, keep doing and saying the right things (fake it till you make it) - it will come. I always wanted and loved my son when pregnant with him but constantly felt, like you, that he wasn't real, and also that I was going to fail him as a mother. By the time he started kicking around 18 weeks, I felt a lot better, and by about 30 weeks the feelings had completely gone and I was so so excited to have him. Even if your experience doesn't match up to mine of course that doesn't mean everything won't be ok - but you're not alone in feeling that you can't connect to the pregnancy. It will pass I promise.

This is exactly what I needed to read thank you so much. I've got very little support because I don't really have any family so I think that intensifies it. I should be so happy that I've got my little Princess but I'm so worried I don't deserve her and that something will go wrong. I'm hoping that like you say eventually the feelings will fade x

 

[Koifish]

I feel pretty disconnected from mine as well, different reasons I think but it's not fun some days. I was done no plans for more, 2 was enough and I hated pregnancy. Nope here I am again completely unplanned. I was very connected and excited with my boys. I did have some gender disappointment but it faded fast I love having boys. Anyways this time I really hoped for a girl and here she is. Same as you I feel like I should be overjoyed I bought the girly stuff and everything but I am just really disconnected don't feel like it's real sand I am struggling with it. This pregnancy i am even more irritable, ms still here, exhausted and just done. I am trying to situate finances and praying it works out as this baby will force me out of work, we have a small house and the boys would have had their own rooms and now I feel like everything is falling apart and we can't move to a bigger place we can't afford it. I also decided to potty train my toddlers, I don't know what I was thinking 😂I pretty much convinced myself this baby is a boy so I too am having trouble accepting it as a girl. Hopefully with more movement and as time passes you'll get more excited!

Anyways yes it's a crappy feeling but I am sure once she's in your arms it will pass and you will be happy. It'll work out, good luck! Sorry I ranted.

 

[Missbb2591]

It's totally normal Hun you absolutely deserve your princess and there's no denying those lines on your scan pic! After being so anxious about it it's no wonder you don't feel elated all the time. It's still early days things will settle in and as you feel her move and get closer to her being here it will ease. Pregnancy is so rough on us girls sometimes it's hard to feel connected to a small person who makes you feel so crappy! Totally agree with the pp fake it til you make it (I have this quote in my kitchen) make the right noise and eventually one day you'll say it and realise you mean it. Hang in there

 

[laura109]

I must admit this time it has been harder to enjoy. I think that first time pregnancies you are in a happy little bubble and have time to focus on being pregnant but 2nd time life is more hectic. I felt rubbish till 14 weeksish. Only just started feeling good energy wise the last week! I have to carry on doing cleaning potty training cooking and parenting my toddler. I feel more overwhelmed this time because we need to sort the bedrooms out and make room for the baby. I have been told im having a boy but getting it confirmed Tuesday next week. I suppose if you felt disappointed last time you could still be feeling on edge. But also at 18 weeks im feeling the odd thing but you still cant truly feel them in there. I sometimes don't feel like theres a baby in there either. You might feel abit more connected in a month or two but if you are feeling down then tell your midwife. Hormones can obviously affect us in many ways and it might just be them making you feel abit flat. I hope you feel better soon. Like I said it's definitely more overwhelming this time

 

[nerdyandnice]

I felt disconnected to my pregnancy in the beginning too. I had a miscarriage last year, and I was certain I'd have one again, so I felt like there was no point in trying. I also had some gender disappointment because my husband and I both wanted a boy. I've really been hating being pregnant too, which doesn't help either. I think it's totally normal to feel this way if you've had issues in the past! It will just take time.

For me, I felt a little more connected to my baby when I started feeling her moving and kicking more and more. Giving her a name, shopping, and setting up the nursery area in my house has helped too!

I hope it gets better for you soon! *hugs*