What's wrong with ME?!

[Laylagirl]

I will be 38 weeks on Saturday. Not that it makes a difference, but my last baby came at 38+5.
The nesting urge has yet to be seen. I have zero desire to do anything for baby. I have not washed his clothes, I have not packed my bag, I have not set up his crib, I have not gotten his car seat set up or installed, I'm just really unprepared for his birth. I've done laundry and washed dishes. I just don't have the urge to get ready for the baby. Somehow I feel as though I have time. I know a lot has to do with my current situation. I am in a custody battle with my ex... I have mediation on November 17... My current husband is doing his own thing with other women from work... We have been having problems for a while now.. And I think I don't feel like doing anything because I don't want to be in this house with him. So part of me feels as though if I do wash babys clothes, or set up his bed, my husband will think I'm not leaving. And im so tired of living here with him. I want to move out as soon as my body is healed after birth. I'm very unhappy. I have no support system. I have been doing everything on my own and I really am starting to resent living here. However, I still need to take care of things for the baby... I don't know if it's just the nesting urge hasn't kicked in and I still have time? Maybe he will be late anyway.. Or is it just because of my situation here that blocks the urge? I don't know ladies... I just don't know what to do, or how to start. I'm miserable and I know I am the only one who can get these things done..

 

[Dreambaby69]

There is nothing wrong with u hun, u just have a lot going on at the moment. I just hope everything works out well for you and hope you will somehow find the energy to do the basics before baby's arrival. Good luck hun x

 

[teamandy]

I get you girl!

Though I wasn't as far as you were, I was in the process of moving into a new home and planning a wedding that was coming up in a month and didn't want to do ANYTHING. I didn't even want to go to my dr's appointment. I just wanted to lie in bed and sleep my troubles away even though deadlines were approaching.

I think you just have a lot going on.

Would you think about setting up a new apartment now and starting to prepare things in your new place or not? Too much eh? Wait I forget you're 38 weeks lol, I'm 28 weeks and can barely function.

I hope things turn out well for you! Get your family and friends to help!

 

[nickyb]

so sorry your going through all this when things aren't going right with a partner pregnancy can feel very lonely! Look after you and your baby you will get through this x

 

[BeautifulD]

I get how you feel. My husband and I have had a lot going on and to be fair half the time I've forgotten I'm even pregnant it's made connecting and bonding with this baby hard going. Things are easing up now and I'm begining to start getting things in order around the house although nothing for baby has actually been done yet

 

[ajlj1126]

There's nothing wrong with you! What is wrong with your current husband and ex for dumping all this crap on you two weeks before you're due to give birth? I can't imagine the pressure you're under. I wouldn't feel like doing anything either. It's hard to be enthusiastic about something even as big as a new baby when the world is on your shoulders.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this at this time. I know I'm just an internet stranger but seriously please do not hesitate for one second to reach out to me if you need someone to talk to!

 

[maddog37]

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. That would be stressful and too much for anyone. Do you have plans in place of where to go once you are healed?

If it makes you feel a bit better (at least about the disorganization with the baby and thinking something's wrong with you for not doing all that), I'm due tomorrow, and my hospital bag isn't completely packed yet, the crib is still at a low level (haven't raised it to newborn level yet), the house is a mess and all the newborn stuff like our playard and cradle-like thingie and baby seat are still somewhere in the basement collecting dead centipedes.

Babies don't need much at the beginning, just basic things and your love (and I guess that carseat installation to leave the hospital), and I'm sure you will get those done in time (we did our carseat 2 days ago).

 

[Beee]

I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through this without the support of your husband must be very tough to be dealing with all that and being heavily pregnant- no wonder you're not in nesting mode!
Big hugs to you hun, hope you recover from the birth quickly and can get your own place sorted soon xxx

 

[Laylagirl]

There's nothing wrong with you! What is wrong with your current husband and ex for dumping all this crap on you two weeks before you're due to give birth? I can't imagine the pressure you're under. I wouldn't feel like doing anything either. It's hard to be enthusiastic about something even as big as a new baby when the world is on your shoulders.
I'm sorry you're going through all of this at this time. I know I'm just an internet stranger but seriously please do not hesitate for one second to reach out to me if you need someone to talk to!

I think I posted this thread two days ago and still have not don't anything... I've been running around for my other kids... Counseling sessions, school, market runs... Seems the current work is always a lot. My husband used to get up to take them to school, but not anymore.
My goal is to be moved to an apartment by January 1st. I don't want to stay in this house another minute. It's not mine. It feels like it's not mine.. And I know that's another reason I don't feel like putting things together. I don't want to feel as though im settling in. He even told me yesterday that it would make him very happy if I was not in the home. Because it would be better than how it is now. Which is me just not talking to him. How could I be anything but hurt with him? He expects to have done the things he's done and sweep my feelings under the rug? No, I'm sorry but someone needs to take responsibility... And he looks more and more child like the more he refuses to acknowledge what he's done to us. HIS behavior...
I have an ultrasound appointment today in radiology... I hope everything is fine with baby, because im really not ready to have him here if for some reason there's a problem..
It is kind of lonely being pregnant with out support, but I have truly come to terms with delivering in my own and doing this on my own. It won't be the first time. And I'm so excited to have a son this time! I don't regret getting pregnant given the circumstances, because I loved my husband more than words can describe.. My expressions of love for him always brought me to tears and I always felt to lucky and blessed to have found him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me I thought...in reality ,"the grass is always greener on the other side", and I couldn't compete... But I sid try mybest to make that man feel loved and worshipped and appreciated... I won't ever regret that. I have one beautiful daughter and a soon to be prince as a result of that burning love I had for him. How lucky am I? I just need to pull myself up from the boot straps and get going with the preparations for him. I know my husband isn't missing me.. He's doing what he wants... And I knew from the moment I seen that girl at his work that she was going to have him one day.. And I was right....

 

[MiniKiwi]

Can you stay in the house and your husband move out?

 

[Laylagirl]

Can you stay in the house and your husband move out?

Ha!! He wouldn't leave Cuz HE pays the bills and its HIS house! He's so proud and mean sonetimes... But he's perfectly fine with being an ass and staying here than leaving...

 

[Monzter79]

I know this sounds awful, and believe me I feel TERRIBLE for what you're going through- IMO you shouldn't wait another second to get involved with a lawyer. I don't know what the adultery laws are in your state, but certainly being able to prove adultery will impact your future support.

I know what I'm saying might seem really dry, but marriage is a contract. You have to protect yourself from him taking advantage of the position he's put you in. He's accountable to you.

You are being so strong! Hang in there ::::::

 

[MiniKiwi]

I have no idea how things work where you are but I wouldn't leave the house, no way! I think you need to see a lawyer asap. If you're married, it shouldn't matter who pays the bills. Do you own this house? Or renting?

Edit: can see you guys own the house. Fuck this guy for treating you like this. What a son of a bitch. Go and see a lawyer, tell him to get the f out instead of letting him tell you he'll be happy when you're gone. God, wish I could go over there and tell him for you. Seriously, go and talk to a lawyer

 

[Laylagirl]

I know this sounds awful, and believe me I feel TERRIBLE for what you're going through- IMO you shouldn't wait another second to get involved with a lawyer. I don't know what the adultery laws are in your state, but certainly being able to prove adultery will impact your future support.

I know what I'm saying might seem really dry, but marriage is a contract. You have to protect yourself from him taking advantage of the position he's put you in. He's accountable to you.

You are being so strong! Hang in there ::::::

In california, there's nothing wrong with adultery...they just put it down to irreconcilable differences... But the court doesn't care if he had an affair..
I see what you're saying.. And we've discussed getting this ended soon... I feel like I need the divorce more for reality reasons.. Knowing that it's over, where as right now I just feel stuck in this nightmare. He doesn't want to take the kids away from me. He's expressed that much..and shy would he want to? The chick from his job probably isn't ready to play step mommy... And with a newborn, I doubt he'd get much visitation either especially since I will be ebf...
At some point I need to stop wallowing and do something.. And I think it's all so overwhelming and that's why I sit in a rut without getting things done outside of the usual.. I think one step at a time, and for now I can only try to prepare for th new baby...and then I will definitely secure some financial support..

 

[Laylagirl]

I have no idea how things work where you are but I wouldn't leave the house, no way! I think you need to see a lawyer asap. If you're married, it shouldn't matter who pays the bills. Do you own this house? Or renting?

Buying... But in our state, if he was the original owner before we got married, the only interest I have in it is the amount of money gained of lost between the day we got married and the day separated.. In our case, he's paying into a hole.. This house is not worth what he paid for it... I'm better off getting him to help obtain an apartment, and asking for him to pay the rent.

 

[Jenny Bean]

I am so angry for you reading this post!
Can you get set up in an apartment before the baby is born?
Or stay with family or friends in the meantime?
You don't deserve to be in that environment for one day longer.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

 

[Monzter79]

I know this sounds awful, and believe me I feel TERRIBLE for what you're going through- IMO you shouldn't wait another second to get involved with a lawyer. I don't know what the adultery laws are in your state, but certainly being able to prove adultery will impact your future support.

I know what I'm saying might seem really dry, but marriage is a contract. You have to protect yourself from him taking advantage of the position he's put you in. He's accountable to you.

You are being so strong! Hang in there ::::::

In california, there's nothing wrong with adultery...they just put it down to irreconcilable differences... But the court doesn't care if he had an affair..
I see what you're saying.. And we've discussed getting this ended soon... I feel like I need the divorce more for reality reasons.. Knowing that it's over, where as right now I just feel stuck in this nightmare. He doesn't want to take the kids away from me. He's expressed that much..and shy would he want to? The chick from his job probably isn't ready to play step mommy... And with a newborn, I doubt he'd get much visitation either especially since I will be ebf...
At some point I need to stop wallowing and do something.. And I think it's all so overwhelming and that's why I sit in a rut without getting things done outside of the usual.. I think one step at a time, and for now I can only try to prepare for th new baby...and then I will definitely secure some financial support..

I don't have any advice really, but I don't think you're wallowing or in a rut! You've been put in a horribly unfair situation. Terrible!! It sounds to me like you're being very strong all things considered. If you were in my state- he'd be up a creek! Sending you all my good vibes.

 

[MiniKiwi]

If you're positive that that's the case, then can't you try to sort a new place for yourself soon? Where are your family? Can they help you?

I don't want you to have to spend another day with this pos. Focus on yourself and your children

 

[princessatmey]

i didnt notice much nesting instinct with my prev two pregs but my oh said i actually did. I didnt go on my hands an knees scrubbin floors or anythin. So i think we get it in diff ways hun.

 

[Laylagirl]

I am so angry for you reading this post!
Can you get set up in an apartment before the baby is born?
Or stay with family or friends in the meantime?
You don't deserve to be in that environment for one day longer.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Yep, I'm trying.. I'm currently looking for my own place. But given the circumstances, January first is the soonest I can move into a place.. Or maybe even mid December.. I have tried asking my sister if I can stay with her while post partum and even now, but she's wary of it becaus her and her husband aren't always good, so she thinks of me and my kids go there, it will impede on their marriage as is.. And I can't be upset with her as I realize that it's a large group, me and my four children.. So I'm just trying to make the best of it. It's only hard because I had so much feeling for him.. And when he's here, we don't talk at all. It's depressing... Part of me wanted him to sit me down and explain this whole mess and tell me that we could fix it. But it never happened. Now my feelings are turning to hate. But on the bright side, I have been checking different places out. In cheaper areas of course, but any place will be better than here.