Whats wrong with me?

[kellyc1987]

Ok so since my son was two weeks old (he is 7 weeks old) I've basically convinced myself there is something wrong with him through googling things and I always believe it is worst case scenario.

First it was that his head was growing too quickly and he was going to have autism (turned out I shouldn't try to measure it myself and it was fine)...

He twitches/jerks his foot or his hand sometimes when he is falling asleep so I took him to the doctors who told me they can refer to a pediatrician but if it gets worse to take him to a&e, ended up taking him to a&e who admitted him for obs (just me sitting there watching him overnight and calling them when it happened even though it's like one twitch so they always missed it) and they said they think it's benign sleep myloclonus which is completely normal but to keep an eye on it in case he starts doing it in the day when awake etc

Then he laughed once in his sleep so I decided that along with the twitching he definitely had some sort of brain tumour called a harmatoma and was having laughing seizures although I never actually took him anywhere about this Because I then looked on YouTube and saw loads of babies laughing in my sleep

Now because his lip still quivers and he sometimes still startles in his sleep or sometimes when awake and the twitching, through Google I've convinced myself he is having seizures and he has cerebral palsy and is going to end up not being able to walk etc

I feel like I cannot enjoy him at all as I am constantly watching him to see what kind of movements he is making.. it is ruining my relationship with DH because I am constantly anxious or stressed about a new condition and my family/mum is getting fed up with me doing this too... I keep telling myself to stop googling and just enjoy my time with him but I can't...

Any suggestions from anybody?? Has anybody else gone through this??

 

[Linnypops]

You might want to ask your doctor about post partum anxiety. Its not uncommon, and you can be treated for it or else you can look up techniques to help yourself with it. I knew someone with it and her strategy was that she was allowed to do x (for her it was taking their temperature an other things - for you it might be googling symptoms and other stuff which contribute to your anxiety) only once a day. So try setting a time - say 5pm when you can google for 10 minutes and that's it. Do it for other things which are fuelling your anxiety as well. Anxiety is a viscous cycle and feeds off your actions - the more you try to appease your feelings by googling or watching for symptoms the worse it gets each day. By cutting off the fuel for the fire it just putters out. Try it for a while but definitely speak to your doctor or he about it too x

 

[jodilee6]

((Hugs)) being a new mum is hard!

The twitching and jerking as he falls asleep sounds a lot like the moro or startle reflex that all newborns have, have a look at this for more info

https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/video/why-babies-startle-so-easily.aspx

As for the laughing in sleep, again you'll find a lot of young babies practice new skills in their sleep. I have many photos and videos of my little guy doing funny and cute things in his sleep including smiling and laughing.

It might be worth looking into the wonder weeks as your baby develops more and gains more skills it might help you anticipate when you will notice changes, here is a good link on it

https://www.mybabysleepguide.com/2012/01/when-are-wonder-weeks.html

I'd also second speaking to either your GP or HV about your anxiety and seeking help before it becomes worst.

This my best advice I can give you is to sit down with your little man and really look at him, look at every tiny detail, take in each breath and note how perfect he is and that you made him!

Good luck and never feel like you can't ask any questions

 

[_Meep_]

Omg, I actually could have written this myself. I, too, have been terrified my daughter has cerebral palsy for a long time.

It started when she began reaching for objects when she was just a few weeks old, and at first only used her left hand. I Googled it as I was interested to know whether she might be left-handed or not. I read that babies should not show any hand preference for at least the first year.

Since then, I have watched her every move. I literally follow every move she makes, to see whether she is using her left or right hand.

When she was around six weeks old, she began having some issues with breastfeeding. I Googled, and convinced myself that she was unable to swallow properly. This, too, was flagged as a sign of cerebal palsy.

I thought I would be ok when she started to crawl - surely that would convince me she was fine, right? Nope - when she started crawling, I started worrying that her right arm and leg didn't move in the same way as her left.

Every new stage of her development has thrown up some worry or other, and I've always managed to trace it back to CP. For the longest time, my baby would occasionally have a slight mucousy sound to her breathing after eating solids. I terrified myself into thinking she was aspirating her food.

Even now, I'm convinced that her right side is stiffer and 'different' to her left. Everyone else thinks it is in my head. I'm desperately waiting for her to walk and just hoping with all I've got that when she does, it will look 'normal'.

I've also thought she has a million other conditions along the way, some very rare, others not so. In a way, that gives me hope, as I've always been wrong ... but this is my biggest and longest-running fear. Some days are ok and others I am utterly convinced that my baby has cerebral palsy. It's absolutely horrible.

I don't have any advice. I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one. I have always had a problem with anxiety (clinically diagnosed) so that's most likely what is causing this issue for me, but I hate the idea of 'Mother's instinct' and all that jazz.

My baby is ten months old. She hasn't missed a single milestone or had any other health issues, but I still worry all the time.

 

[Googiepie]

Omg. I too could have written this. I've been concerned over every little thing my little one does. If you have seen any of my posts, it's all be paranoia filled. My family and friends now answer all my texts and phone calls with "she's fine" lol I'm going through this daily myself. Like someone said, consult your doctor regarding post natal anxiety. things will get better. They're only so little for so long.

 

[Cattia]

This sounds very much like me. I haven't been too bad with my DD2 yet but I definitely went through this with my older two. Autism is the big one for me, I obsess that everything is a sign of autism. I still worry about this with them both even now although both of them appear to be fine. Pretty sure I will have the same worries about DD2 when she is old enough to start hitting milestones. I have an anxiety disorder anyway so that explains why I'm such a headcase!

 

[redneckhippy]

I'm like that too, and incidently, my little one also favors his left. At first he almost exclusively batted at things with his left, but now he will use his right hand too. I also obsess about autism and random other things.

 

[krissie328]

I agree with Linnypops. You should probably see your doctor about some PP anxiety. I tend to suffer with anxiety and having a baby only made it worse. I finally had to take things as they came and just tell myself it is normal. I do not google anything anymore and if I am that concerned I make a note and visit with his doctor on his well baby checks. Nothing has been so serious that I needed to call or make a special appointment. And every time his doctor has told me it was normal.

I hope you get the relief you need.

 

[superfrizbee]

Hun my ds does have cp (thankfully very mild) after a stroke at 7 weeks and nothing you have said sounds like anything other than normal baby startle reflex, myclonus etc to me, and obviously I've done a lot of reading on it. That said I can relate. With dd I was a bundle of nerves and got obsessed if her room got over 18 degrees. She was born June and it was always 22! It wasn't until a long while after I heard of pp anxiety and wished I had spoken to someone. X

 

[kellyc1987]

Hun my ds does have cp (thankfully very mild) after a stroke at 7 weeks and nothing you have said sounds like anything other than normal baby startle reflex, myclonus etc to me, and obviously I've done a lot of reading on it. That said I can relate. With dd I was a bundle of nerves and got obsessed if her room got over 18 degrees. She was born June and it was always 22! It wasn't until a long while after I heard of pp anxiety and wished I had spoken to someone. X

Thanks for all the replies ladies, it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this.. I have made an appointment to speak to the doctor unfortunately the next appointment isn't until 1st June so I'll try to be a bit better and stay off Google until then lol

I noticed another "problem" yesterday whilst changing him and a few times since then, his right foot has started to tremble sometimes when he is awake, I also feel like he isn't using his right side as muc. So I'll see how it goes and mention it when I have my appointment

 

[superfrizbee]

Babies have a very immature nervous system and they have a lot of weird little motions and jerks that they need to work through as they build the pathways in their brains. My dd used her right side to reach for toys more at first but evened out. Babies can show a preference at first. For instance they might turn their head more one way than another (depending on how they lay in the womb). That can lead to preferring one hand at first because they see it more and try to use it. You could try those wrist and hand rattle toys to raise awareness of the other side. Babies have a lot to work out their little bodies and minds and just because they do something first with one side but not the other it doesn't mean something has to be wrong. X