When did you start to bond with baby?

[mamawanabe21]

So I don’t feel like I’m bonding with this baby at all. With my daughter, by now, I was super excited and would talk to her, sing to her, write in a journal for her etc. With this baby I feel like I’m not....excited/interested I guess.

I feel like I’m just waiting for something to go wrong. I’ve had two scans already because of suspected ectopic, and usual 12 week scan. I felt relieved everything was as it should be, but that’s about it. Took 32months to conceive this rainbow baby (3 losses in that time) so I don’t understand it.

Had midwife today, and took her a few minutes to find the heartbeat, and I didn’t even panic, just figured the baby had died and it was ‘bound to happen’. I can’t talk to my husband about this because he wouldn’t understand, and I had my very excited daughter with me so I didn’t mention it to Mw today.

Is it normal to not bond yet? I dunno why I feel so unconnected and indifferent.

 

[Sander]

It's normal to want to protect yourself after so many losses. For me I didn't really start bonding with the baby until I could feel him kicking, and 'interacting'. Now when I tap my belly he'll kick back, and that's always exciting.

Don't feel bad about not bonding with the baby yet, it sounds like you're just being overly cautious. When you start feeling your little one move more I'm sure the connection will get stronger

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I think it is always harder to bond with a rainbow baby just because of that "what if?" that keeps popping in your head. You're scared to bond with them in case something does end up going wrong. I completely understand that feeling. I had a hard time bonding with my rainbow in the womb after I had three losses but now she is like my best friend. I'm sure it'll change once baby is born. I'm so sorry about your previous losses

 

[mamawanabe21]

Thank you ladies. It’s a relief to hear I’m not a monster. I know that once baby is here I’ll love it and want it and be happy. Just hard atm. I’m hoping I’ll start to feel differently once I feel proper movements and I know if it’s a he or she instead of an ‘it’.
Time will tell I guess

 

[vickyandchick]

Oh my goodness I'm so glad you posted this, I feel zero connection with this baby whatsoever and I think that because it happened so quickly (1st month of ntnp) I am just waiting for something to go wrong because I feel like it can't be this easy

 

[Eleanor ace]

With my son I felt a strong bond with him from the get go. With my 2nd and 3rd children I didn't; I was excited to have another baby and was looking forward to everything but it felt really abstract, that bond to the actual baby growing inside me wasn't there like it was with my 1st. But as soon as they were born- bam! Pure love and instant bond

 

[HopeBT]

Hey hun, dont feel bad, every pregnancy is different and I dont think there is a right answer.
We worked hard for 2.5 yrs to get this baby, yet I did not feel connection until the movements. After the kicks, everything become very real and I love this baby so much now xxx

 

[CharCharxxx]

Don't beat yourself up hun so many of us are in or have been in your shoes. I for one have only just started to feel any form of excitement at 18+4! And that's because i can deel the movements i think. This baby was not planned at all (broken condom & failed morning after pill!) And it was such bad timing for me mentally where ive been seeking help for extreme anxiety issues. But slowly its all falling to place. You just have to tell yourself that no matter what you're feeling now you will feel completely different once he or she is in your arms x

 

[MindUtopia]

Yes, I think it's relatively normal. I wouldn't say I bonded with my first until she was born and even then it took a few weeks, which isn't unusual. This one, it's maybe been a bit easier as we found out we're having a boy and he has a name, etc. (we didn't know with our daughter). But still it doesn't happen early on, especially when you've had some losses, so I'd be gentle on yourself and give it time.

 

[kksy9b]

With my first, it was an instant bond from my bfp. But with my second, I spent all of first tri dealing with guilt of shaking up my oldest's world and then the rest of the pregnancy nauceous every day and bad SPD. I loved my baby but I didn't feel bonded. Then I had a traumatic birth experience and for about 3 weeks just felt like I was going through the motions but wanted to go back to before he was born. Then one night I laid it all out to my DH how I was feeling and it released a floodgate and that bond came rushing in. My point is- it happens at different times for everyone and varies pregnancy to pregnancy. It WILL come. Given your history, it is no wonder you are disconnected for right now

 

[mamawanabe21]

Thank you ladies.
I'm waiting for the next scan to see if we can find out the gender (20 weeks). I wasn't interested in knowing, but my DH really wants to find out, and I've figured it would help with the bonding, so I've given in. Maybe then we can think names, and I wont feel so disconnected.
I've started to feel thumps in the evening in bed, but it's sporadic and not yet a pattern, but I am looking forward to proper kicks and rolling.
My main worry right now is that I just wont love this one as much as my first. My DD is my world, I can't imagine having enough love for another.

 

[kksy9b]

I am pretty sure every second time parent feels that way before the next one comes. I certainly did. My DS1 and I are extremely close and I thought there was no way I had enough love to give my second without taking from my oldest. But love only multiplies, never divides. This baby will fill a place in your heart you never knew existed, just like your oldest did