When do I give up?

[kimfrye661]

Im 6 months pregnant and have been with my husband for almost a year. When we started dating he was so perfect, I had never met a man who was so sweet, oh how I was wrong. We got married in March after finding out I was pregnant and things went downhill. A couple days ago we got into a heated argument over him wanting to get a car, I said no because were broke and need to save for the baby. He got extremely upset and started calling me very mean names such as: cu**, bitch, worlds biggest bitch of a wife, and said that he resents me like he resents his parents. I was so upset. It got to the point to where I thought I was in preterm labor because I was cramping and hurting from being so upset. Eventually I forgave him and let it go.

Today it happened again. We were in the drive through at Starbucks and he called me a bitch because I did something that didn't make him happy. We got home and then he said, "ill go to work and you can sit at home and be fat and happy!"...Fat? Everybody knows you don't call a pregnant girl fat.

I got so upset that I locked myself in my parents room and cried. I started cramping again so I had to calm myself down. Eventually he went to work and now here I am. I don't know what to do. He's never physically touched me, but verbal abuse is just as bad as physical. Do I forgive him again? Do I leave him? Do we separate? I told him that im not going to make him move out or divorce him because its too much effort, but that I didn't want to hear his apologizes because they mean nothing to me anymore.

Im just so heartbroken and hurt. Our son can hear him yelling at me, cussing, and hes not even born into the world yet. How can someone be so heartless.

 

[xarlenex]

Just ask yourself, are you truely happy in the relationship?

And if so, then have a serious talk. Tell him your not going to be spoken like that from anyone, especially your own husband. And if your willing, give it one last go. See if he changes.

If not, then your right, your child doesn't need to hear this. Or witness it when he's born, you deserve far better and walk away.

Personally, I'd leave if someone called me names like that. Its very disrepectful and disgusting. I understand its easy to say on the outside, but i'd like to think in your situation i'd have the strength to walk away xx

 

[Eyes On Fire]

My cousin dealt with verbal abuse from her boyfriend when they lived together. It eventually escalated from verbal abuse to physical abuse. One time he tried to light her hair on fire. And actually locked her outside of their apartment for several hours.

I don't believe any woman should be treated the way your husband has been treating you. And it worries me about how much pain the arguing causes you and the baby.

I would say you really need to sit down and think about your relationship. Are you happy? Maybe spend a few days apart and see if that does anything.

Best of luck to you and please be careful.

 

[toddlerdrama]

The sooner you decide and give up, the better you will be, even though it might not seem like it right now. I am in a roommate marriage right now but since it has been so long, I don't know where to start getting out, especially since I am pregnant right now.

You situation is harder than mines, because you are actually getting verbally abused... My husband just doesn't talk to me... he is just like a nanny who helps me with half the bills. If I were you, I would tell him things don't seem to be working out, and maybe it would be best to take a break... start slowly... but don't wait 11 years like me because it will definately get worst.

 

[AppleBlossom]

My ex was the same. The most amazing, sweet guy you could ever meet and I was so in love. But when I got pregnant and had Grace he used to talk to me like I was something he'd dragged in off the street. He used to demean me and he used to hit me, not in a violent way but he said it was all just a joke but it certainly didnt feel that way to me. I felt like just some babysitter that looked after his child while he was working and just happened to sleep in the same bed. He left and is now gay and has a boyfriend and although in a way I still get upset and depressed, I am actually happier not being in that reltionship. It's tough being on your own but you have to decide which is worse. Hope you figure something out x

 

[sarah_george]

what an awful situation to be in it really is hard to know what to do for the best, one thing is for sure that he needs to know that the way he is speaking to you is totally unacceptable, men can be really selfish! he could just be totally in denial and it will hit him like a ton of bricks when baby decides to arrive, try not to make any major decisions while your in such a vulnerable state, i really hope he comes good for you hun xx

 

[bjshooter]

if you really still love him, i would try talking to him again and give him some time to come around to the idea of being a dad. Sometimes these men act very strange at the prospect of life being so different. If you really dont think it can get better i would leave asap as you will have the three months to get settled down and over him and therefore ready for little one.

 

[kimfrye661]

Things have been going a little better, although today was kind of a setback. We got into another argument and he threw out a few hurtful words. He apologized an hour later, all is well now, but I still feel kind of lost.

 

[tinkabells]

Its down to you at the end of the day, but because you've forgiven him once for the verbal abuse, he now knows he can get away with it each time, as for calling you fat, his obviously quite a selfish person and insecure with himself, and i'd worry that he resents you, just bebcause you said no to him and his parents have said no to him in the past as well, he seems to get his way or nothing at all?! xxx

 

[MoonMuffin]

Have a talk and ask him why the change in the way he's treating you. Maybe he's scared about being a dad?

 

[tropicana]

i split with my boyfriend 2 days ago after having our baby..

i was the same with him i thought he was the most amazing guy i had ever met at first, we got engaged etc then i got pregnant then the arguments started and the name calling, making me feel very bad about myself. he said some really nasty things like he never wanted a baby (when i was around 7month gone) and how he would resent the baby because it would stop him doing things in life.. well i just put it all to the back of my mind and forgive him over n over untill the arguments were getting really bad and i did hit out at him, alot... ive never felt so angry towards one person ever in my life thats how bad it got!

well i had my lil man a couple of week ago and i thought once baby arrived all would be fine, well it got worse and the arguments got worse and in front of my baby it upset me even more, he got up in my face at one point and scared the crap out of me, he never hitme while i was pregnant but now i thought theres nothing stopping him and iw as so scared i decided that was it. so now hes gone and im feeling so much better to be honest, thought i wouldnt cope but i just feel relief..

so all i can say is if u dont think its going to get any better, seriously think about wether itll work out as itll be worse once baby is there and neither of u are getting much sleep, plus our emotions are all over the place it really doesnt help

xxx

 

[DizzyMoo]

I wouldn't put up with my partner calling me those things whether married or not, For a partner to stoop low & say those kind of words is disgusting & as hard as it would be i would be gone in a shot or he would. My sons dad is a complete female vagina & when my son was 6wks old he told me he didn't even know if he was his & that he still wanted his ex wife .. I mean can you imagine telling a hormonal woman with a 6wk old that! i went nuts & smacked him a few times until he shoved me through my mums front door. We'd already split up too. i'm so glad i got out of that relationship before my son was born, Im preg with no2 to the love of my life, this was planned & he was so happy at 1st to know he was going to be a daddy at last & he told me he was so in love with me blah blah then **poof** just like that he changed, hasn't been back to see me since (roughly 8wks now) he's been nasty on msgs but never said anything personal about me. I think i'd hunt him down if he did lol

Hun DO NOT put up with that, What would you say if it was a friend in your shoes or your child? The girls are correct if you continue to forgive his behaviour he will know he can do it again & again & only has to say sorry. When in your situ you dont think that, and think no he means he's sorry this time, or maybe it wont happen again. but it does.
Please take some time for yourself hun xxx hugs xxx