When one child gets left out..

[CaptainMummy]

I have 3 girls, (6,3.5&2.5) and they aren't the best at playing nicely together. Hannah, the youngest, is happy to play with anyone who allows it, and is really good at playing so she doesn't have many problems... but I find that she would rather play with my eldest (which is fair enough because she is better at setting things up etc)
The problem I have, is that Ella (3.5) seems to get left out, purposely, by her sisters. Obviously Hannah is just copying Paige because any other time she is happy for her to join in, but most of the time it is Paige being nasty and horrible and excluding Ella.

My ex (their dad) has just phoned me and asked if I had noticed it happening, so obviously it is happening there too, enough for him to ask me about it.

I feel so sorry for Ella sometimes, because she clearly is feeling upset that she hasn't been included in a game. Paige gets in trouble for being mean, and quite often gets tablet taken away, sent to her room or no treats, and she got no pocket money last week because it was happening so often.

What do I do? Even when they aren't arguing and moaning at each other, it seems to always be dd1 talking and giggling with dd3, and dd2 feeling a bit ignored and left out.

I think most of it is down to their ages. Dd1 still sees dd3 as a bit of a cutesy baby whereas dd2 is more 'grown up' and tries to be like dd1 which probably annoys her a bit.

I spend alot of time with dd2 when her sisters are at school/napping, we bake cakes, do playdoh, magazines, crafts etc... but I just feel so bad for her. She is a very friendly girl, and loves to play. A bit of a bossy boots when playing, but what 3.5yr old girl isn't?

What can I do to keep them all happy, keep the peace and not feel guilty about one of them being left out?

 

[Gym knickers]

I don't really have any advice but hope you find some way around it. We also have three girls with only 4 years between them. Dd1 and 2 are currently very close but definitely get on each other's nerves and are either best friends or mortal enemies. I'm anxious as to how dd3 will fit into the mix. I already feel for my middle girl as she's not the eldest doing everything first or the baby of the family so sometimes gets overlooked. I'm trying hard to spend 1 on 1 time with her as that 'middle child' syndrome always plays on my mind. I'm guessing that at different stages in their lives our girls will always get on better with one sister or another which may be quite a challenge but that they will hopefully be super close as adults.

 

[Mum2BKW]

Might it help to introduce some games that they can all play together? Piggy in the middle, for example, or other skipping type games that need 2 to hold the rope and 1 to jump?

Or maybe if they are role playing you could help create a role for the middle girl and encourage the older girl to let her join in?

Rather than punishing the older girl for excluding her sister, do you reward her for including her?

 

[SarahBear]

No advice, but that's exactly why my mother never wanted to have 3. She felt like it would be too easy for one to be left out! She decided against having a 4th though because my sisters were twins and she was afraid of ending up with 5 kids. It all turned out OK in the end though. As another poster said, perhaps find things that encourage them to all play together. Do your best and I'm sure it will be fine in the end.

 

[minties]

Hmm, it's a tricky one. She might just not like Ella very much at the moment, which I would think was fine as long as she wasn't hitting or shoving, or saying nasty things. I don't think we can really expect our kids to all love each other all the time, and someone is bound to be left out at one point or another.

Things will probably change again as everyone gets older, and Ella makes her own friends outside of the home?

Thomas and Sophie are firm friends and haven't taken any notice of Emma, until just lately, now they are obsessed with her and driving us mad!! Trying to force her to crawl or shoving things in her hands, yanking her about and getting in her face.

 

[CaptainMummy]

Thanks ladies. I do try to find things for them to all do together but most things end up the same way.
I do think it probably is just Ellas age and personality at the moment. She can be quite bossy, without meaning to be, and Paige doesn't like it. Ella makes friends with everyone, everyone always wants to play with her (her keyworker at nursery says she is extremely popular and can play with everyone) its just a shame that there aren't any children close by for them to play with.
Ella and Hannah play really nicely together when it is just the two of them, and they do all play nicely on the trampoline or if we are playing musical statues or something like that (basically anything where they are all jumping all over each other and someone can get hurt)

Hopefully its a short lived phase and they start to enjoy each other's company soon.