When to talk to your child about sex ???

[Ruskiegirl]

I was hoping for some advice ! I am not really sure when to sit down and have "the talk " with my 10 year old daughter , Me and her have already had her period talk she started it last year , But i never explained why it happens cause i wasnt sure when to talk with her about sex.Any advice you can give is much appreciated ! Im also not sure how to go about having the talk with her either

 

[Nightnurse]

Ok,so i'm not a mom but I have some of my neices and nephewsmore than they parents so... my neice is 10 soon 11 and we have already had the talk,i have just had the period talk with her and she is praying that it doesnt happen at school cause her teacher is a guy,as for the sex issue,i watch lots of discovery and baby shows so she knows exactly where babies come from and how they get there,she has know it for a long time now,what I have done with all the kids is have a questions day,for the boys i say boy stuff,and the girls are girl stuff if they do not get it i give little explanations,or find out exactly what they know,and fill in the blanks as we talk,I am pretty open and really good at explaining without being too graphic,so i think that u should sit her down and ask her what she knows about sex and fill i some blanks for her,you can even prepare her for some of the things boys might say to pressure girls into having sex and tell her to tell them to get away,Hope that my suggestions can be useful,let me know how it goes

 

[Ruskiegirl]

Thanks hun thats gives some insight for me i appreciate the help !

 

[Foxycleopatra]

im curious on this subject too. My daughter is 9 and i think she has started going through puberty already! She now has to wear deoderant everyday as she has body odur and she is starting to sprout little breasts! I have yet to have the "period" talk yet but feel i should sooner then later as i think she will get them early. Then on to the "birds & bees" talk. But how do you start?!?

 

[SweetNothings]

Ok,so i'm not a mom but I have some of my neices and nephewsmore than they parents so... my neice is 10 soon 11 and we have already had the talk,i have just had the period talk with her and she is praying that it doesnt happen at school cause her teacher is a guy,as for the sex issue,i watch lots of discovery and baby shows so she knows exactly where babies come from and how they get there,she has know it for a long time now,what I have done with all the kids is have a questions day,for the boys i say boy stuff,and the girls are girl stuff if they do not get it i give little explanations,or find out exactly what they know,and fill in the blanks as we talk,I am pretty open and really good at explaining without being too graphic,so i think that u should sit her down and ask her what she knows about sex and fill i some blanks for her,you can even prepare her for some of the things boys might say to pressure girls into having sex and tell her to tell them to get away,Hope that my suggestions can be useful,let me know how it goes

I think nightnurse you have it hit a GREAT point. Talk to girls about the girl stuff and the boys about boy stuff at this age...with time they will learn everything, but i think it is crucial to keep girls to their stuff and boys to their stuff so that they are not bombarded with all of this because it must be quite overwhelming and I feel kind of inappropriate to put everything out there all at once. I feel like it might make them more exposed and more comfortable with the notion of sex at an earlier age, which would be a primary concern for me. I could be wrong, but that is how I feel about it.

 

[faun]

My husband had THE TALK with my son when he was 10 as we felt it was time we just discussed the basics he was pretty grossed out by it to be honest we didn't mention the girls side just the boys bits like wetdreams, hair growth, voice breaking, erections and basic sex and protection. I agree that girls don't need to know the boys side yet and boys don't need to know the girls side yet. We made it very clear that if he has any questions to ask and not to be embarrassed by his changing body.

 

[seoj]

I'm pretty lucky that my 13yr old is SO super open and honest with her Dad and I. She's asked questions about sex since she was a big kid... even at age 9 she came home asking what a "condiment" was (lol) cause some kid at school found one on the ground!!! Euw! So yea, I had to explain that one... LOL. She even knew it went on the boy cause the kid told her that!!! Sheesh... so really, I'd be a bit shocked if she wasn't hearing stuff at school already.

Maybe just start off like that... ask if kids at school are talking about sex or related subjects and if she has any questions. If not, or she's too shy about it- then just say you think you should fill her in (just a little) on what it is...

I feel it's super important to be open and honest with your children. My mom always was with me- and I still appreciate that! I've had several chats with my daughter about sex or related issues... whenever she has questions or concerns or what not... and I'm as candid as I can be. Obviously to a point, depending on her age at the time. lol. It's really a convo you'll need to have more than once... just like drugs or other peer pressure issues. Their thoughts and take on things will change and grow as they do- so I'd say keep the convo's going... even if just once a year as a refresher! hehe

But in 8th grade they had sex ed and let me tell you-- I was even a bit shocked at how MUCH they tell the kids. I was OK with it-- better more info than not enough- but she learned about stuff I didn't even know existed till I was a big teenager! So the schools - at least in our area- are really trying to educate the kids (with parental consent of course)... so it's prob best she learn about some of this first from you

Best of luck!!!

 

[Thaynes]

I don't have a teenager but I am a teen myself, 19. I was lurking and wanted to add something.

Just going through issues myself with being the child w/ parents that said nothing, I found most everything out from school. They never explained anything to us children at home. We knew what we knew from school programs or friends at school. That really isn't the way you want your children to learn things. They get bad misconception at school. There were plenty of issues like that at my school. Plus people doing very stupid things do to not enough information. I think guys and girls should be taught atleast basic things about the opposite gender. Also they should be taught things about how misuse of those things can lead to injury (One boy in the 8th grade when I was in 7th crushed up a Birth Control Pill some girl had taken from her mother and he snorted them. He didn't no the risks. ) Also talk about smoking, drugs and things like that very early. A lot of people smoke and don't communicate the dangers of smoking with with their children. So the children want to start to be the coolest kid first. I mean like 11 and 12. Seriously, you may think I'm crazy but I wasn't there that long ago.

Good luck with whatever you decided on....

 

[MoonLove]

I don't have a teenager but I am a teen myself, 19. I was lurking and wanted to add something.

Just going through issues myself with being the child w/ parents that said nothing, I found most everything out from school. They never explained anything to us children at home. We knew what we knew from school programs or friends at school. That really isn't the way you want your children to learn things. They get bad misconception at school. There were plenty of issues like that at my school. Plus people doing very stupid things do to not enough information. I think guys and girls should be taught atleast basic things about the opposite gender. Also they should be taught things about how misuse of those things can lead to injury (One boy in the 8th grade when I was in 7th crushed up a Birth Control Pill some girl had taken from her mother and he snorted them. He didn't no the risks. ) Also talk about smoking, drugs and things like that very early. A lot of people smoke and don't communicate the dangers of smoking with with their children. So the children want to start to be the coolest kid first. I mean like 11 and 12. Seriously, you may think I'm crazy but I wasn't there that long ago.

Good luck with whatever you decided on....

I totally second this

 

[znljubica]

I'm talking about sex with children since they were set up the first question.
I answered exactly as they were asked. The questions were began more complex.
When they learned to read, I gave them a book about having children.
We read together. Then they were about 7 or 8 years old.

 

[tjw]

My step daughter was 7 when we fell pregnant with her little sister. She asked how the baby got inside my tummy and we had the basic talk then. Now she is 8 and had her first period 2months ago and we had a full talk about puberty, why it happens and what it's for, then.

My own parents told me about puberty and sex etc when I was about 5 with the help of a very good kids book. I'll be doing the same with my daughter when she is about 5 too.

 

[morri]

Where I am the books start at about 7 years old. There are books for different years of age so it is all for those kids of that age but I think it can't harm if they know the basics.
Schools also start in primary school, So most primary school kids know where Babies come from.
In year 6 and 8 and 9 in secondary school there is additional sex education. We also had a special one for girls which showed how tampons and pads work and stuff like that.

 

[kittycat18]

I am not a mother to a teenager but I am only 18 years old myself so I thought I would give my input to this conversation

My mother is a nurse and when I was in primary 6 (I was 10 years old), all of the girls in my class were given a talk one day about periods. It was extremely basic and only said what to expect, why you bled and what to do if you began to bleed. There was nothing about sex mentioned at all in the conversation. When I went home I told my mum about the talk and she was actually upset that we were told so young and felt as if my innocence was taken away too young. She repeated what I was told in school, explained a bit more about puberty (what to expect, my breasts developing, getting hairs down below etc) and that was the end of that. A year later my breasts began to develop and my periods started but still no one explained sex to me. When I went into 1st year at secondary school (12 years old) my mother told me more about sex. She explained it using medical terms and basically told me never to do it because I would fall pregnant... We had odd conversations about it after that but nothing in-depth (in relation to relationships, contraception, STDs etc...).

I picked up some information about sex before 3rd year (14 years old) and found things out for myself through friends, television programmes and school. That year in school we learnt about pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, condoms and why not to have sex (this was a Catholic grammar school). Unfortunately, we never learnt about the actual effects of pregnancy, the changes it brings to your body, what to expect, miscarriages and the actual birthing of the baby. We also never learnt about the pill or morning after pill and only learnt about Abortion in 5th year (16 years old) religion where we were told that it is illegal in Ireland and a sin to God. I already knew what it was from watching television programmes but never understood the process.

I basically learnt myself sexual education and if I had a question when I was older, I researched it on the internet because I knew I wouldn't find the answer anywhere else. Throughout this pregnancy I have read many books and read articles on-line about the stages of pregnancy, the labour and delivery, sickness attached to pregnancy etc. I sometimes tell my mother facts I have read or interesting statistics and she says that I read too much and doesn't have a clue about half of the things I know about and can be very offensive at times about my pregnancy (in regards to some of the sickness and pains I have, she never had and tells me to stop complaining and it didn't stop her) I wish my mother had sat me down as a child and told me the truth and discussed every aspect of sex with me. I know my father told my brother about sex at 13 years old but at that point he already knew everything from TV, films and dare I say it... internet porn.

My parents left it too late to tell us and they handle sexual parts of TV shows very badly. Example: If my parents are watching a film and a sex scene comes on and I walk into the room, my father turns the channel over They aren't even old parents. My mother is 48 and my father is 43 and I have a 26 year old sister...