Who does he think he is!!!!!

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Charlotteee, Dec 20, 2009.

  1. Charlotteee

    Charlotteee Married Mum/Stepmum of 4

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    ARGGHHH :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:

    On facebook he sent a msg to a girl we met through one of his friends, saying that i was taking all my anger out on him, when i wasnt. It was because he expected me to get over lily in a week!! And then said if i needed to grieve go and do it away from him cos he was trying to move on, and then he said that he thinks i need to see a shrink to talk about how i'm feeling, so i told him i wasnt going mad, and he's said it this girl and she went well i think she should cos she might get depressed. And he was like i don't think we're gonna get through it because she said we was over. Then he said he cant take me being upset and angry, he wants the happy me back.

    She doesnt know anything about how i'm feeling. Shes 16 and never felt anything like this in her life!!

    I only said that we were over because he said i shoud move on and forget about lily, and that he didnt want me crying all the time.

    We've been fine this weekend and laughed and went shopping and :sex: 3 times. Which is amazing to say we went two months of him being a jerk about it thinking he was gonna poke lily and then after mc he didnt wanna get me pregnant again. And now i've found this out.

    Do you think i should forget about it?? And not cause another argument and just stay happy. I don't know what to do :|

    Sorry for the reaaally long rant

    xxxxx
     
  2. aviolet

    aviolet Mommy of 1 angel

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    What he's doing is out of line and uncalled for. You need to grieve, being sad if you feel like being sad and being happy when you feel like being happy - those emotions are going to come and go and come again and it's important that you deal with it however you need to for however long you need to. It's true it may help to talk to someone about it - just because he seems unwilling to help you out emotionally and no one should have to go through this alone. But if you have friends you can talk to and you feel you are on the right path to healing then that's fine too. Just don't suppress your grief, don't cut short your mourning, because if you try to do that it's only going to intensify with time. :hugs: I'm sorry you are going through this and that he is not being supportive. I know men deal with things differently, but I'm sorry he's not more compassionate. :hugs: Please take care of YOU, be happy when you are happy, be sad when you are sad, and know that it's okay :hugs: This is not really your problem - it's his, and he should be more caring about it. It shouldn't be that you feel like you're starting an argument just because you're mourning for your baby. You have every right :hugs:
     
  3. Charlotteee

    Charlotteee Married Mum/Stepmum of 4

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    My place to grieve is on here. I have no friends. My so called best friend has blocked my number without telling me what i've done xx
     
  4. aviolet

    aviolet Mommy of 1 angel

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    :hugs: :hugs: I am so sorry :( :( :( We are all definitely here for you, and anytime you need to talk you can pm as well.
    I don't understand "friends" sometimes, if the situation were reversed I can't imagine not being there for them in their time of need. So how come they aren't here for us? :hugs:
     
  5. londonbird

    londonbird Well-Known Member

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    Agreed great advice, its really soon hunny, your allowed to be up and down..for however long it takes

    Its great you have had a good weekend with oh... but... you have to make YOU happy..if that means talking things out then you might have to.

    Anyways, drop me a line anytime if you want..we are here for you..:)
     
  6. KA92

    KA92 Guest

    agree with them both...so mean and uncalled for...hug

    same goes pm me anytime (and if you ever wana text ill give you my um n not block you, beeetch)hate how it takes saomewthing like loosing a child to see your true mates!!!
     
  7. Perdita

    Perdita waiting and wondering

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    I'm so sorry you had a tough time, your OH is going to be feeling the loss too and he said he's trying to move on, it's just his timetable is going to be different from yours. I don't think you need to see a psychiatrist (bit pointless when you're not mentally ill, you're grieving which is a natural process you have to go through). However there are others you could talk to, contact SANDS, speak to your midwife/GP, there's counsellors and mental health nurses (like me!) that can be there to listen - and always the ladies here. It's a terrible thing that binds us together but we can understand and give you whatever support we can.
    You are going to have good days and bad days, so will he. It's just he has reacted in a way that is not fair on you and instead of being able to offer him comfort he's alienating you and pushing you away. I did that at first, Evies father was with me the whole time I was in hospital, he slept on a mat on the floor when I was kept in the delivery room for three days, on an uncomfortable sofa in the observation room I was in the other nights and yet when I got home I was distant and it's now, nearly four weeks later, that I'm able to respond to him. We don't live together which does make it more difficult. He kept telling me he loved me, in the hospital and since but I couldn't answer that, even though I knew he was having a tough time I was too lost in my own pain to do anything for him. So now I'm trying to repair that, we probably aren't ever going to be a couple in the traditional sense but we have a bond now that can't be changed. And we might even try again, negotiations are on-going!
    And friends can react so strangely, give her time and if she can't face you, well, better off with her gone.
    Hold on to the good days, it will help get you through the bad.
    xx
     
  8. BeanieBaby

    BeanieBaby Well-Known Member

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    So sorry you're going through this. The other girls have given you some v. good advice and I agree its v. soon and its only natural you have up and down days, you're still grieving after all. I think it is hard for our OH's to understand completely how we feel. I think this is a huge test on our relationships, but just keep communicating with one another and if you have to agree to disagree on some things so be it but you need to say to him that you don't expect him to fully understand what you're feeling but you just need to know he's there for you, for a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on and for him to not question how you are grieving and whether its right or wrong as everyone grieves in different ways and he needs to respect that. I hope you feel better soon, its nice you had a good weekend together.

    xxx
     

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