Whose last name will your baby take?

[AmySan]

At first I had thought I would just give the baby his last name - Robbins - it goes well with everything, etc - my Mom told me I absolutely should give the baby MY last name...

I let him over for dinner the other night and this came up - he got really mad that it wouldn't have his name, and was insisting on hyphenating at the very least - my last name is Stil**hn, and that doesn't seem fair to the baby to have such a long name. I guess legally it could be hyphenated, but go by my last name....I'm not sure....

Then I was talking to someone on here who mentioned (FOB is still married, I have found out) that if the baby has his last name, it would really have THEIR last name.

It is really early for this to be bothering me SO much, but it is - what are you all going to do?

Also, he was saying something about taking me to court over the baby's first name (this isn't legal is it? - the mother has the right to name the baby, right? We had agreed on a name in the very beginning, then he changed his mind...but not happening!)

Thanks ladies

 

[whatwillbe]

No hun, its your choise what first name you give baby and imo your choise on a last name too, if he i going to be in baby's life then i think its a decision betwen you and fob, but ultimatly its your choise im not sure on the laglities tho, my baby i going to have my last name as fob has not been in contact and he doesnt plan on being i baby's life and i think fob has to be presnt when registering bby to have hi name on the certificate x

 

[emeraldbaby]

Here are my personal thoughts...my baby will be taking it's Dad's last name... Not that he deserves it. But it isn't about what HE deserves. My child has the right to know where they came from and regardless of the situation that made me leave fob, I don't want my child to be ashamed of it's parentage.
Many experts will tell you that if one parent is talked about negatively by another parent (even if it's all true) than the child internalises that and feels like they are also 'bad ' inside (because they naturally identify half of who they are by each parent even if the other bio parent isn't around) and this can cause huge emotional and developmental issues.
So while I don't trust the baby's father and due to circumstance he won't be having a big role in the baby's life, he IS the father and I won't let what happened between us impact our child... Even in so much as name. My child will feel proud if who he is. He is his own little person
But to each there own. Every situation is different. But I've definitely lamented over what to do myself, so I sympathise. X

 

[AmySan]

Thank you! I'm still so torn - I agree that they shouldn't be ashamed. I guess my biggest fear is...baby gets his last name...I KNOW he will always talk shit about me to the baby...then I feel totally left out...I dunno. I guess I have a while to think, and see how involved he gets the remainder of my pregnancy. He hasn't been to a single appointment yet...or really done anything to help me. When I was telling him about my heartburn, he told me he hopes that I die from heartburn. (Like you can't say, sorry honey?) Then he even had the audacity to say, 'once the baby is born, I will just get rid of you' (like he was going to kill me) - even joking, that is NOT ok.

 

[rory83coyotes]

I gave my oldest my name. in texas they don't get a say what they are named as they only call and ask the mom. I personally wouldn't put fathers name on the birth certificate at all. once they are on there until you have custody paper work they are a parent and can take off with the baby. you can always add the father later. if they leave with the baby and they are on the birth certificate then they are a parent and its not kidnapping. its parenting. but you do have a long time to think about it between then and now. I would maybe call legal aid or consult a lawyer before the birth as to have all of the facts. but in light of your fob's current behavior i would be really reserved. Hopefully it gets better but I wouldn't hold my breath as mine never got any better. Guys are stupid

 

[AmySan]

OH MY GOD! That is like my worst nightmare right now! Him taking off with the baby!! WOW! I had no idea if he was on the birth certificate that he could do that!! That is SO upsetting - I hope to god he just goes away and loses interest then...I know THAT would be a huge fight...but I can't take my chances! Thank you SO much!

 

[Meezerowner]

It's a really difficult descision and I have been struggling with it too.

Things I have been considering:

1.) Who is going to spend the most time raising LO? If thats Mum then it really is easier and nicer to have Mum's name as it prevents confusion at school and doctors appts etc. People may assume you have the same last name and you have a moment of akwardness explaining.

2.) Tradition - yes I guess it's nicer for LO to have Dad's name.

3.) Family - In my case FOB's family are really nice and are being totally supportive of me because they know that their son is in the wrong (he cheated whilst I was pregnant) and they are totally mortified by his behaviour. So I feel a bit bad choosing my name because I feel I'm cutting them out in a way even though none of this is their fault either. Even though everyone's getting access I think they will secretly be a bit disappointed that their family name isn't being carried.
Similarly I think my family would prefer it if I used my name as they associate his name with the trauma of the whole thing.

4.) Whose name sounds better LOL! - mine!

I decided to use my name if FOB and I were to seperate and keep his name if we reconciled. I informed him of this a while back and he agreed to it. We are seperating so my name it is. I think this will make FOB a bit sad but at the end of the day it was his mistake and his choice not to stay with his family and I dont see why I should have the inconvience of explaining why my children have a different name from me when I will do the lions share of the parenting.

 

[teal]

I gave my LO my surname, that was always my intention but where I am since we weren't married FOB can only be added to the birth certificate if he's present, which he wasn't.

 

[Jade--x]

Both of my LOs have my last name. I didn't want them having different last names to each other or to me. They both know who their fathers are their last names are nothing to do with it, and think its unfair for them if they were. They'd feel less like family and less associated with my family and each other than if we're all the same name. I wouldn't ever want them to have different names to me, and it was the best decision I ever made x

 

[AmySan]

Thank you all so much!!!

 

[Jennifurball]

Unfortunately, she officially has his name, but I unofficially use mine for dr's, and when she starts nursery. He doesn't deserve her to take his name. I was bullied into it.

 

[tooyoung]

I regret giving my LO his fathers last name. If I had it to do over again, I would give the baby my last name. It's not about denying who the father is. If the father sees his children then fine, that's got nothing to do with the name. For doctors appointments and school for example, it gets confusing for everyone when you, as the mum, don't have the same name!

 

[sienarose]

FOB and myself were still together when we had our daughter and we decided to give her my last name. We were engaged at the time and agreed if we were to get married we would change her last name then. It was the best decision I ever made, she still sees her dad and he will always be that to her but it is so much easier her having my surname. I had also thought about her having a hyphenated name but really what is the point.