Why am I still sad?

[sweetpea01]

My son is almost 16 months old. I was dx with preeclampsia at the end of my pregnancy with him...but I am still uncertain if I truly had it and I regret getting a second opinion because everything was so borderline. It took us over 8 years to get pregnant and I envisioned this birth where I could have a natural childbirth, no pain medication and to be able to have that special bonding time after my son was born...instead I got 3 days of labor on pitocin and the pain was so horrible that I had to get pain meds. My water broke at 4 cm...and after my water broke my contractions were very close together and very painful. My son was under stress and so we had to go ahead and have the c section. After he was born, I didn't have the chance to hold him immediately after and my husband not knowing that I had not held him yet...let everyone in my family hold him before I had. I knew there was a huge risk of getting a c section if I had to be induced...and I had to be induced 2 weeks ahead of time because of the so called preeclampsia. Why do I still feel like a failure! I don't know what is wrong with me..I am still so upset that I had to have the c section.I am still upset that I didn't have that time right after to hold him and I feel like I have missed something. I am so very blessed to have him in my life and I feel very close to him ...I just don't understand why I am still upset over it after all of this time. I just weaned him from breastfeeding....so maybe that has something to do with it now that I am not breastfeeding anymore?

 

[Olivermsmummy]

preeclampsia is a serious condition for both mother and baby and the medical professionals would not have decided to induce at 38 weeks if it had not been necessary. That said you can contact either your gp or the hospital and ask to go through everything that happened and the reasons for the decisions made which may go some way to helping.
I went into labour naturally with ds1 and I too had believed I would have a natural birth, 36 hours of "natural labour" meant I opted for an epidural as the pain and exhaustion were too much for me. Ds1 also ended up as an assisted delivery by ventouse which caused a third degree tear, that coupled with a midwife who was more interested in having had her dog put to sleep that day! I believe was a major part if my PND. So with LO I chose a section (again went into labour myself by that's a different story ) it was a wonderful experience and I have NO plans for anymore children although I would definately choose a section again.
When you stop bf there is definately a change in hormone levels which can cause your mood to dip. With ds1 I stopped bf at 6 months as I was worried about the medication I was on for PND, with LO due to mastitis followed by a breast abscess and surgery we managed to combi feed until 5 months. I would have loved to have bf for longer but it wasn't meant to be, you have managed to feed well past the first year and should be very proud of yourself.
Never forget you carried your child and kept them safe until it was time to meet you all properly when he was brought into the world safely (that's why sections happen) and you've loved and nurtured him all of his life which is a bonded that will never break. Be proud of yourself x

 

[littlejenx]

i think stopping the breastfeeding is making you feel low. your hormones change instantley and i felt really sad for a week or so but not any longer. also stopping is a big decision and probabley something you thought and thought about over and over again, that again can stress you out and you are probabley putting unnecessary pressure on yourself. is there a health visitor/doc/nurse you could talk to about your feelings regarding the birth? x

 

[sweetpea01]

Thanks for the kind words you guys. I think you told me just what I needed to hear. My hubby just doesn't seem to understand and doesn't know what to say. I am thinking about going and getting a copy of my records at the hospital where I gave birth....hopefully they still have them..and maybe looking at my actual test results will help me see about the preeclampsia more clearly. This hasn't bothered me for a while ...not until now that I am finished breastfeeding...so the weaning may be a big reason why I am feeling this way right now but I definitely want to look back on my records just to reassure myself that I did what I needed to do at the moment.

 

[littlejenx]

i had pre-eclamspia too. its so horrible isnt it, i was induced and at that point my pre-eclampsia turned severe-i wasnt allowed to move from the bed, was on a drip of magnesuim sulpate nand wasnt allowed to drink anything as had a cathether in to keep a checkon my kidneys-by the time i was 10cm babys head was still too high and big and my kidneys were packing up so an emergency section it was. my hubby held myself first (i had asked if skin to skin would be poss as i was taken to theatre) and was told it would be but in the end it didnt happen. i felt so sick immediatley after the section holding the baby wasn't high up on my list anyway at that current time, luckily there were no friends or family around to hold him either so this wasnt an issue. i would DEFINATLEY feel the same as you if there had been family members around to hold him first. if you had not had these sad feelings regarding the birth before you stopped breastfeeding then im pretty sure they are down to hormones-its completley natural to have the baby blues when you stop breastfeeding, i felt guilty,extremley down and sad,tearful but also quite broody as i felt like he didnt need me anymore and i wanted to fill that space. these feelings pass and im sure you will feel happier when hormones settle down.
regarding the pre-eclampsia has it put you off having more children? i feel very lucky that i have a healthy son and it didnt affect his health and he got to 38 weeks (+5) but i would be lying if i said i wasnt terrified of it happening again
x

 

[MandyV]

Just 3 weeks ago I was induced at 37 & 2 for boarder line preeclampsia. My water broke and I got all the way to 8 cm on pitocin and my contractions were strong. Then all of a sudden babies heart rate drop to 60 w/ every contraction I was rushed for an emergency csection and in 15 min my baby girl was born it all happened really fast but I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Preeclampsia is bad and I don't regret being induced for boarder line pre-e I had 2 babies now both pregnancies I had high bp and high heart rate my dr has told me now it probably be best for me if I don't have any more babies due to the stress on my heart. That comment upset me I didn't know how many babies I wanted and to be told the stress on my heart and need to be a healthy mom for my two children now upset me but I'm coming to terms with it cause I have 2 beautiful babies! good luck to you

 

[sweetpea01]

i had pre-eclamspia too. its so horrible isnt it, i was induced and at that point my pre-eclampsia turned severe-i wasnt allowed to move from the bed, was on a drip of magnesuim sulpate nand wasnt allowed to drink anything as had a cathether in to keep a checkon my kidneys-by the time i was 10cm babys head was still too high and big and my kidneys were packing up so an emergency section it was. my hubby held myself first (i had asked if skin to skin would be poss as i was taken to theatre) and was told it would be but in the end it didnt happen. i felt so sick immediatley after the section holding the baby wasn't high up on my list anyway at that current time, luckily there were no friends or family around to hold him either so this wasnt an issue. i would DEFINATLEY feel the same as you if there had been family members around to hold him first. if you had not had these sad feelings regarding the birth before you stopped breastfeeding then im pretty sure they are down to hormones-its completley natural to have the baby blues when you stop breastfeeding, i felt guilty,extremley down and sad,tearful but also quite broody as i felt like he didnt need me anymore and i wanted to fill that space. these feelings pass and im sure you will feel happier when hormones settle down.
regarding the pre-eclampsia has it put you off having more children? i feel very lucky that i have a healthy son and it didnt affect his health and he got to 38 weeks (+5) but i would be lying if i said i wasnt terrified of it happening again
x

I am not sure if I want any more babies...but not because of the csection or preeclampsia but because of my age. I am 38 now and I guess more frustrated that it took us so long to conceive our first one and now I am much older than I would have been if I would have gotten pregnant when we first stated trying when I was 28 years old. So it isn't about the preeclampsia so much as it is about the age factor. I feel like if I were to get pregnant again then I wouldn't have an issue with the preeclampsia....from what I have read IF you do get it again in the second pregnancy, normally it occurs at a much later stage in the pregnancy..and mine didn't show until the last month...so maybe I am gullible in thinking it wouldn't happen again..or just plain stupid or something..but I don't feel worried about it happening again. I think if I would have had my baby when I was younger , then I would have more time to have another child.Not saying that older women can't or shouldn't have them...just not sure if it is for me and I do prefer my baby now to be about four or so before having another one...on the other hand I would be very blessed to get pregnant a second time and I wouldn't be sad about it...so I am conflicted at the moment.

 

[littlejenx]

are u still feeling as down as you were last week? x

 

[sweetpea01]

are u still feeling as down as you were last week? x

I'm not feeling as down now as I was then ...I think in the back of my mind I am still a little sad about it but I also think that it is my hormones gone all wacky more than anything. I have started exercising and the weirdest thing has been happening that I have noticed. After a workout I have been getting really teary eyed and depressed...I know that it is supposed to be the opposite however! I have never experienced this before and it is so weird!

 

[littlejenx]

maybe working out has become a bit of a release for you? great news you are feeling better then last week though, are you starting to look forward to christmas and things? i bet your lo is getting into it abit more this year? x x

 

[sweetpea01]

maybe working out has become a bit of a release for you? great news you are feeling better then last week though, are you starting to look forward to christmas and things? i bet your lo is getting into it abit more this year? x x

Yes! We have gotten all our Christmas shopping done and having a blast! He loves the Christmas lights and it is so fun to watch him look at them. I can't wait to see him dig into his presents on Christmas Day! lol!

 

[littlejenx]

im looking forward to it too. whats santa bringing him? this is the first time i have really looked forward to christmas and really enjoying the build up. its lovely to feel like a proper little family x

 

[sweetpea01]

im looking forward to it too. whats santa bringing him? this is the first time i have really looked forward to christmas and really enjoying the build up. its lovely to feel like a proper little family x

So far a car racing set..You put the cars at the top of this roller coaster and they race down it, a book reader because he loves books, a drum, perhaps some blocks or something to stack because he loves that right now and more cars! He loves balls too so maybe some sort of ball...we are donating our toys twice a year to the churches in the community so I can teach him to give...once around his birthday and once around Christmas! How about you? Any traditions you want to start up? What are you giving your LO for Christmas? It is really fun. I'm still wanting to shop more but trying to keep myself from it as family will be giving him gifts as well.

 

[littlejenx]

yes we are holding back too, bought him a few very small toys at the weekend but decided to give them to him at the time as he is going to have so many over christmas! for his stocking there is some jumbo crayons,a couple of the little toot toot vtech cars as he has the big garage,a waybuloo cuddley,a chocolate lollipop,a small duplo set,a book of different animals and his tree present is a vtech walker. i think that will probabley be enough but i might see something else before the big day. his fav toys at the moment are his stacking cups and a cookie jar shape sorter thing.hmmmmm not sure about any traditions yet but love your idea of donating toys to the church. x