Why are people so negative about co-sleeping?!

[aob1013]

Leni and I co-sleep together in the day and at night. It feels natural to me, and we both sleep SO much better when we are together!

However, alot of people around me don't share the same happiness about it as i do. My OH hates it, my Mum hates it, MIL hates it, friends hate it ... people make out that i am doing something so bad, how dangerous it is .. i normally just say 'it works for us' and smile etc, but i am seriously starting to think i am doing something wrong?!

 

[nicholatmn]

I kept hearing that too. Just ignore them. They think you're going to suffocate the baby, but what they don't know is how alert your body is when sleeping next to your baby.

As I said, just ignore them. It's your baby! You can parent him any way you'd like!

x

 

[buttonnose82]

I think it's because the only time alot of people hear about it is in the papers when something negative happens as a result of co-sleeping, so this is the image that sticks in peoples minds ...... does that make sense lol baby eating my brain recently!

I personally don't feel comfortable with the idea of co-sleeping however I would never say to someone else it is a bad idea, as long as you follow safe practice then I am sure it is fine

enjoy your little man now he is home!

 

[Pink1981]

I spent the first 4 months with Sid asleep on me when i was laying on the sofa. He had reflux and would not lay down without screaming unless he was on me. I literally wouldn't have slept otherwise and we both slept sooo much better! I was asking a health visitor for some advise and all she said was 'Well you had better stop, i know of 2 fatalities where mums have done that'
Helpful. Not!

And Sophie, up until she was about 2 and a half, had every nap laying on me.

I wouldn't change either situation for the world!! I loved the extra contact i got with them and my dh said he has never known anything like mothers intuition. He said he would watch us sleep and the second they moved or made a sound i was awake before he could even think anything of it, iykwim!

Do whats best for you xxx

 

[Hayley90]

dont listen to a word they say! you are well informed & know the risks, but as nicole said, they probably have NO idea how aware you are of your baby being there, even when in a deep sleep.

surprisingly ive not come up against anyone like this, even my HV, so i can assure you its not widely hated - regardless of what the NHS say!

Hope leni is doing well xxx

 

[Bayleaf]

Congrats to you and OH and welcome to the world Leni.
I started co-sleeping with Em whilst we were still in hospital. He went into his cot at 10 months old and still spends a lot of time in the family bed
I never understood what the fuss was all about. Co-sleeping WHEN DONE SAFELY is a thoroughly enjoyable experience for the whole family.
Have a look at this:

https://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

Sleep well and ignore the haters

 

[Eala]

It's out of ignorance, more than anything else. What people hear is "co-sleeping leads tragedy" as opposed to "unsafe co-sleeping increases the risks of something horrible happening." I sometimes wonder if it's easier for the health profession to just have a blanket "Don't co-sleep" policy, rather than trying to explain to people "this is how you do it safely", and then have something go wrong, and them get the blame. (Did that make sense? It did in my head!).

My LO slept on either my chest or my DH's chest for at least the first 3 months, for all her naps, and in the evening until we went to bed. She then slept in her Amby nest overnight, mainly because she (and we) slept better with her there. We've co-slept a few times, when she's been particularly upset (like when we were on holiday, and she got really unsettled a couple of nights).

It's not something I'd want to do all the time, but I'm certainly not "anti" co-sleeping in any way

 

[twiggy56]

congrats on little leni hun

When abigail was first born, the only way I could sleep was with her right next to me, we had bought a crib and put it against the mattress to our bed and I still didnt feel right without her right next to me, plus she hated it...as soon as she was put into it she screamed....so with the bars up against the edge, I had her on my side in the bed...and I LOVED it. I felt like I was protecting her, like she was 'safe'...rather than the commonly believed alternative that its dangerous.

She became too big and she went into her cot no bother at all....

in alot of cultures, carrying your baby for 9 months, growing them, giving birth to them, breastfeeding them, the bond between mother and child is so strong....that its considered 'cruel' to then put them in a barred, cold (no body warmth from the mother), isolated space when for 9 months they have heard the mothers every breath and heartbeat....and I agree, to have such a close bond as mother and baby, then to shove them in an isolated empty space doesnt seem very 'natural' to me!! and to be honest, very scary for the baby....

I think its just western cultures believe the opposite is 'normal'....

 

[Eala]

I do sometimes wonder if I'd have co-slept more if we'd had a cot or basket for her, instead of her Amby's nest. As it was, she was so comfy and happy in her hammock, that putting her in there didn't seem to upset her.

I'm pondering now

 

[bubbles]

People tend to focus on the negatives of co-sleeping, although most of the time the accidents happen when precautions aren't taken i.e the parent is over tired and falls asleep with LO on the sofa or they are under the influance of alcohol/drugs (prescribed or not this also includes nicotine). With the right education, knowledge and precautions in place, co sleeping is very safe and an excellent way of bonding and getting some much needed sleep as well as keeping up a good breastfeeding routine (I use this word loosely as I honest believe in the early days a routine is both difficult and pretty pointless)
Maybe if you start feeling uncomfortable or would like a compromise with your OH maybe look into a co sleeping cot?

 

[ellie]

Im lucky in that I havent really had any comments as yet but I don't really explicitly tell people Btu that in itself feels a bit sad to me. Why shoudl I have to feel like I have to lie in case poeple tell me terrible things? I guess it is mainly that we have become so separated from nature in so many ways ... it follows from the over medicalisation of pregnancy and birth. And this might sound like a rabid feminism thing but it may be because men have taken control over it all ... dr's, consultants etc, and as men fundametnally do not understand it as someone said, there are a few accidents and the woman is blamed for doing something totally natural.
I dont know the answer really ... i am just rambling lol. There is soooo much scaremongering around about it. I got all the leaflets about how babies should be in cribs and struggled and struggled to get K to sleep in his crib, he hated it, I got no sleep. Started just letting him sleep in with us and we both felt sooo much better!

It is a problem wtih OH though. He started staying in teh spare room on work nights and now is in tehre every night, because K takes up our bed lol. We now have his cotbed attached to our bed, so there is an enormous space, but he rolls all over the place and Im nervous abotu OH squashing him. But I would like OH back in my bed!

But that's along way off fo ryou! As long as you and Leni are enjoying it, getting sleep and happily and safely cuddling up, sod everyone else. I do recommend lying though if others are giving you gip

 

[Emz1982_in_uk]

Yep, I think people are just scared and don't actually take time to research it. I co-slept in hospital on the advice of the MW's and we co-slept fpr a good few months whilst I was BF. Me and LO still co sleep for our morning naps now Just ignore them hun. As long as you are comfortable doing it and Leni is happy go for it. I agree with Bubbles, maybe compromise and get a co-sleeper cot if it makes things easier at home x

 

[Faerie]

My HV in Oxford was very much "whatever works for you". I know that when I co-slept with Sofia I never moved a muscle. Was actually really upset when she decided she didn't like it anymore as it meant I had to find another way to settle her.

In France I'm faced with maternity magazines with front pages screaming "co-sleeping, when to stop!" and articles about how it's best to have your baby in a different room because otherwise you won't have couple time. Ugh. Another favourite of mine is that it's a "fad" that's come over from the US. Right.

 

[DramaFreeMama]

Leni and I co-sleep together in the day and at night. It feels natural to me, and we both sleep SO much better when we are together!

However, alot of people around me don't share the same happiness about it as i do. My OH hates it, my Mum hates it, MIL hates it, friends hate it ... people make out that i am doing something so bad, how dangerous it is .. i normally just say 'it works for us' and smile etc, but i am seriously starting to think i am doing something wrong?!

I don't like co sleeping and i believe that babies get too attached sometimes as far as babies in my family that co-slept, but i believe if thats what you want to do as a parent, thats your right. There is no set right or wrong way of where your baby should sleep and there is a risk of sids with crib babies as well as co-sleeping babies.

I say ignore all outside comments (your mom, other mothers, etc.), but you should listen to your OH (i'm assuming he is sleeping in the same bed as you 2). You are both parents so his opinion should matter as well. Listen to why he doesn't like co-sleeping and see if you can reach a compromise.

 

[nightkd]

I've heard recently that co-sleeping can increase the risk of SIDS....but I heard a lot before that it will reduce it so... Just suggesting that that might be the source of some of the negativity?

Our bed is so not big enough to co-sleep, our MWs are very supportive of co-sleeping and say 'that is where the baby is meant to be'...Well for us it wasn't really an option and we didn't feel comfortable with it, in part because there's such a limited space with all three of us in the bed and in part because we want to remain a 'couple' as well as E's parents, so we wanted to keep it OUR bed, iykwim?

Mind you when she was first home and not sleeping well, DH, me and E were laying in the bed and all fell asleep (we all needed it!) and that was one of the best naps ever!!

I bring E into bed with me in the mornings, 6am til 11am usually (after DH has gone to work) and breastfeed her and we just nap together all that time. It's nice I do wake with a start every so often because I get scared that the covers are over her or I'm suffocating her or something (another reason why co-sleeping at night just wouldn't work for us, I wouldn't sleep well!) but it means I can catch up on some sleep and so can she, because I cannot nap during the day!!

If it's working for you and you're doing it safely then go for it. I agree that there is an instinct there as a mother, so you know where baby is and don't roll onto her etc... I read that siblings/fathers etc shouldn't be RIGHT next to the baby as they are not as aware of the baby's presence as the mother and I think that's why a lot of 'outsiders' (other family members, friends etc) might not quite understand and think it's dangerous.

My mum co-slept with me because it eased the sleepness nights - you just have to wake up and pop baby on the boob instead of getting out of bed to get him or her and then getting out of bed again to put him or her back in THEIR bed. In all parenting situations, whatever works best for you and your baby is the right thing!!

 

[bky]

I didn't intend to because I think our bed is a bit unsuitable, but 4-5 weeks of 4 hours or less of sleep per day was my limit and I started pulling her into bed with me (well I was trying at 3 weeks but OH kept putting her back in her own bed which woke her up). OH is still really paranoid as he's known several people that co-slept incorrectly and the babies died but I feel safe the way we do it (well, now that we have a bed rail). We're still moving her to a cot up against our bed so she'll be in her own space and I can use blankets again.
I lie to the HV about it because after some other things she's said to me I don't think she'd approve.
Honestly, my baby only sleeps while being held (so in the sling or co-sleeping). Us co-sleeping is safer than me passing out on the couch while holding her (which is what was happening in the first 4-5 weeks of her life).

 

[Mrs Muffin]

Try and get you hands on a copy of Deborah Jackson's Three in a Bed: The Benefits of Sleeping with Your Baby. It's a really well researched book that will arm you with all the positives of co-sleeping.
I wish people would stop thinking that at 10 years old they will still be sleeping in your bed. Mind you if they were and everyone enjoyed then there's nothing wrong surely?! I think co-sleeping creates a secure and confident baby.

 

[Eala]

I think co-sleeping creates a secure and confident baby.

I think the important thing here is that this will be true for SOME babies. Not necessarily for all. Co-sleeping definitely wasn't the best longterm solution for us as a family, but this has not left me with any feeling that my baby isn't secure or confident

aob - I agree with one of the earlier posters, perhaps you could compromise with your OH and get a safe-co-sleeper type thing? You know, the thing that fits next to your bed. Never used one myself, but I'm sure there are some ladies on here who found them great

 

[Ju_bubbs]

I co-slept with my 11 year old when he was a baby... way back before 'health and safelty' type thing went mad. I didn't use any forums or anything until I joined up here in 2008, so when my 8 and 6 year olds were born, I avoided co-sleeping, purely coz health visitors and doctors told me it was extremely bad and dangerous, and I assumed if I did it, i'd have social services round taking the children away!!

But, luckily I joined up here and therefore have a lot more information than the health visitor's "if you co-sleep you're a bad mother because your baby will die", I certainly plan to co-sleep with this one once she arrives, all thanks to BnB, I can only assume that the people who say such things to you are in the same situation I was before finding BnB, and all they've been told is the bad stuff and not the actual facts, so dont know any better!

 

[Char&Bump-x]

Ignore anyone who gives you crap for it Hun, Leni is your baby not theirs!

Everybody told me not to cos I'd be stuck with a toddler in my bed, which one year on I AM but I won't admit they were right and give them that satisfaction

x