Why are people suppose to feel guilty for bottle feeding?

[JASMAK]

I really haven't seen alot of people on here make other's feel badly about bottlefeeding. I have been on this site since May 2008...almost 4 years, and really...what is to debate about here? You are saying that you feel badly for bottlefeeding. Nobody can make you feel that way...those are YOUR feelings. I breastfeed and I have had people come up and say some boneheaded things, because they don't know any better. It is your choice...the debate of breast is best isn't really debate material, as most people do agree, breastmilk IS best, if it is available... I do think this is more about you, than society as a whole.

 

[Nibblenic]

I have to say I think women feel uncomfortable about breast and bottle feeding in public. I do also think that is mainly about how much confidence the woman has.

Im on the as long as you feed your child I dont really care how you do it.

 

[smelly07]

I also do not care how anyone feeds their baby and people really shouldnt feel guilty, most people dont actually care as long as the baby is fed, loved and looked after....... x

 

[Blah11]

I don't think you should ever feel guilty about your parental choices if you and your baby are happy and healthy BUT I do think every mother owes it to give her baby the best start in life if shes able to (ie, try to bf, every feed counts).
I will say though, every mother gets judged regardless of feeding choice. Do you think I got great comments when I told people I was still feeding my 2 and a half year old?

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I didnt even use forums when mine were babys and now they are 7 and 6 and I can honestly say people dont talk about how a child was fed when they reach school age because: IT DOES NOT MATTER! I dont feel guilty about any of my choices, it just seems liek so long ago to be worth bothering about.

 

[summer rain]

There are a lot more cases of women being thrown out of places for publically BF than publically FF. And also FF being described as poision I have only seen defensive FFers (and not all FFers are; its a minority) describe it as such. I have been accused of calling formula 'rat poison' on here before on more than one occasion when I purely was saying to someone that yes you can BF with certain medical conditions or on certain medications or what have you ?!? When asked where exactly I called FF rat poison (and I would have been poisoning two of my boys as they were mainly FF) those accusing me cannot give an answer xx

 

[lhancock90]

I feel this gem is appropriate here, "I am not pro-breast or pro-bottle i am pro-FEEDING"

 

[Blah11]

I feel this gem is appropriate here, "I am not pro-breast or pro-bottle i am pro-FEEDING"

& 'just because I am pro-breastfeeding, does not mean I am anti-formula'

 

[JASMAK]

me too...I am definitely 'pro-breastfeeding' and would do anything to help someone who needs help with breastfeeding, but I would never ever look down upon someone who formula fed. I do think it's a shame that it isn't supported in society as much as some...I have it pretty good where I live. But, if you have to formula feed, or even if you choose too..I don't care. I don't even ask people how they feed their babies.

 

[vaniilla]

I think its much more complicated then that, its not as simple as that. Women feel guilt for all sorts of reason and pressure from others is only a small part, I'd say there is a much larger portion of women (myself included) that feel guilty because we didn't get a choice for whatever reason to bf and actually did want to bf, I don't feel guilty for ff as such, I feel guilty and even robbed that I didn't get the chance to bf. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad for ff, it annoys me that you're just supposed to accept it and be happy with it or risk looking like you're offending ff mums. Everyone has their own emotions, grievances and problems and we all deal with them differently and we shouldn't get judged for it or its double standards.

 

[Dragonfly]

Pretty sad the way it is as yesterday I posted up a pic on my facebook page and one of the first comments was accusing me of ramming breastfeeding down peoples throats. It was a poster saying "keep calm and carry on breastfeeding" one of my friends had made it. 100 comments later people claiming they are looked down on and its rubbing formula feeders in the face. Its like you cant even say breastfeeding any more without being hammered now. No one can say a bad thing about formula because you would be slaughtered all the woman who have to use it making them feel bad then its ok to call breastfeeding woman names and dictate where they can breastfeeding with covers on and say they should have discretion and consideration for others. That was all I seen in that usual row. Its sad when mums who need support breastfeeding dont get any help but when someone makes a poster like that to help them along with no reference to formula or some article to promote and educate woman you get that same row over and over again. And it does stink of guilty woman who are angry and bitter. We have to watch what we say in case someone gets offended now. Its not really fair is it? how do woman get educated about breastfeeding where theres no help then?

 

[nickyXjayno]

I think there's more judgement for breastfeeding than bottle.
I don't know anyone in real life who breastfeeds.
this whole bottle feeding guilt thing only seems to exist on this forum.
bottle feeding is the norm & breastfeeding is not so not sure how ff mums say they are embarrassed to ff in public when bfeeding in public is really rare.
I think a lot of these judgemental looks about ff is imagined.
was on single mums board & they say they always get dodgy looks from old people but I think it must be in their head, as I've never had dodgy looks when out on my own with baby.
I've bottle fed & breastfed in public & have noticed no looks but there again I don't look to other people to see what they think as I'm totally confident in what I do.

 

[Blah11]

I think there's more judgement for breastfeeding than bottle.
I don't know anyone in real life who breastfeeds.
this whole bottle feeding guilt thing only seems to exist on this forum.
bottle feeding is the norm & breastfeeding is not so not sure how ff mums say they are embarrassed to ff in public when bfeeding in public is really rare.
I think a lot of these judgemental looks about ff is imagined.
was on single mums board & they say they always get dodgy looks from old people but I think it must be in their head, as I've never had dodgy looks when out on my own with baby.
I've bottle fed & breastfed in public & have noticed no looks but there again I don't look to other people to see what they think as I'm totally confident in what I do.

yes i think a lot of it is psychological too

 

[feeble]

I agree, most of the time when I am feeding I am either looking at my baby or carrying on with whatever I am doing (trying to drink a coffee etc...)

Sometimes I think that people who are feeding are so defensive about it, they look up like they are scared or in pain or worried and that is the look people react to, not anything else...

Whenever I have looked up feeding, I have done so smiling and I have always got smiles back... Apart from one guy, but I think he actually probably just looked like that bless him...

 

[kerrie24]

I feel much less judged and much less self concious pulling out a bottle than when I am breastfeeding.I never felt guilty for bottle-feeding.I am constantly trying to explain to people why I chose to breastfeed.

 

[Eternal]

I have seen occasional comments from people but for the most part i think the whole thing is imagined, i have also had someone stop talking to me after telling me off for not continuing to breast feed.

I think what happens for the most part is people get offended when someone is passionate about something, breastfeeding is on of the things that people tend to be very passionate about, because its in the minority, because it requires effort and support in moist cases, because its natural and because its got its own bias issues. People need to stick up for it. I have breast feed for about a week to my kids (one of the twins couldn't latch at all so i hand expressed off for him) and then i happily switched to formula.

I do not and will not feel guilty for giving my children formula, although if i didnt find it so difficult, painful and upsetting i would prefer to breastfeed, but ultimately each time i try it gets me really depressed quickly and i believe a baby is happily and healthier if mummy is happy.

Any decision will be judged or felt to be judged, People often asked how i had my twins and i when i say section i always feel i have to defend myself by saying it wasn't my choice and they were both breach and my oldest son was natural. At the end of the day who's business is it? Just mine.

Don't mistake passion for judging, most of us are passionate about a lot of thing, i am not natural birthing, i have experienced both and would choose natural, if someone asked me my opinion i would express my preference for natural each time. If someone asked me about car seats I would always point them towards rear facing, despite the fact I no longer can with my 3 babies under 25 months, i cant any more, but if i could i would always choose ERF. People can be pro /passionate about something without them even doing it themselves.

That is the amazing thing about forums and learning from other peoples opioions and passions is that it opens your eyes to other possibilities, I learn and change things and my opioions all the time, i see it as learning, growing and redefining myself. I have a thread in this section about giving your kids more freedom and its really changed my opinion on a lot of things.

So unless someone is being blatantly rude then i wouldn't get upset, people are just sharing their passion with you.

 

[moomin_troll]

It's the mother who makes herself feel guilty if she infact does.

My first was FF because I couldn't BF him and I felt awful thinking stupid things like I didn't try hard enough when I no I did.

Yes some people who bf n made it out to me like they had it harder then I did and still bf made me feel like crap because I let them get to me.

There's nothing wrong with FF and yes some people need to get that through their thick skulls sometimes.

But there is far more judgement passed on women who breastfeed

 

[Dragonfly]

Heres a good blog on guilt. https://theunperfectmummy.blogspot.com/2011/07/guilt-and-other-negative-emotions.html

And I have seen one or two say stupid things over the net like you didnt try hard enough, how would they know. Insensitive thing to say for sure.

 

[angelandbump]

I think this whole stigma is in alot of people's heads...

I bottle fed my LO breast milk. No one looked at me funny yet when i was out with one of the mums from this forum, we sat down on some sofa's at the metro and as soon as she started to breast feed her baby, you could see that it made her uneasy and she moved. I was so proud that Anna just continued. It is 100% natural afterall.

I think hormones have alot to do with it and most new mums feel that they have to show the world that they are doing great and they are good mums.

I personally do believe that breast is better but like me and my son, that is not always possible and it is a persoanl choice. My work college was completely against it but we didn't fall out over it or feel less of parent because of it.
If we didn't have all these powder milks etc, you would just have to get on with it and if you couldn't (just like many moons ago) you would use a milk nurse which they still do in some places.

To sum up, my son is no worse off being on formular from 4months but i personally am gutted i was unable to breast feed him and the money it would have saved... well thats a whole new story.

 

[angelandbump]

I feel much less judged and much less self concious pulling out a bottle than when I am breastfeeding.I never felt guilty for bottle-feeding.I am constantly trying to explain to people why I chose to breastfeed.

That actually is sad that people expect you to justify yourself for doing such a natural thing.