Why are people suppose to feel guilty for bottle feeding?

[Pearls18]

We shouldn't judge, but a lot of us do. My judgement is reserved for those who do not give BF a go for no medical reason but because they just don't like the thought of it, or they think FF is sufficient. I find it hard to believe any mother who is educated to know exactly how much better BF is, would not even give it a go? Not getting into all the difficulties etc but just that first choice, especially for the first baby (I could somewhat understand more if someone had a difficult time with it first time around so went straight to FF next time). I just think every woman should have a go for their child, even if for those first few days. I don't think anyone could sway me to think differently?

 

[Hellylou]

I breast fed my first baby for a year - it was a complete nightmare in the early weeks and I nearly gave up a few times - I was bruised, sore, and I became a permanent soother for her, so she was very rarely off the breast, as she was a very demanding baby and I was so inexperienced it was the only way I knew to stop her crying all the time. Also, we had very little money at that point, and it was cheaper and easier than bottles.

When my son came along my daughter was 2 years old exactly. I breast fed for the first 8 weeks, then did half and half breast and bottle for the rest of his first year. I simply didn't have the time to breast feed all the time like I did with my daughter, as I had a demanding 2 year old to deal with too, and it was great to be able to share the load a little with OH.

I would never judge anyone for either choice. It is so very personal, and nobody else's business. Babies do well on breast and bottle milk, and it should be a case of whatever works for you as a family. It makes me sad to hear women feeling guilty over not breastfeeding, because it's so rotten to put that kind of pressure on a mother on top of everything else she is dealing with!

 

[Quackquack99]

We shouldn't judge, but a lot of us do. My judgement is reserved for those who do not give BF a go for no medical reason but because they just don't like the thought of it, or they think FF is sufficient. I find it hard to believe any mother who is educated to know exactly how much better BF is, would not even give it a go? Not getting into all the difficulties etc but just that first choice, especially for the first baby (I could somewhat understand more if someone had a difficult time with it first time around so went straight to FF next time). I just think every woman should have a go for their child, even if for those first few days. I don't think anyone could sway me to think differently?

I don't agree with this hun. I was sexualllly abused as a teen*ger. I struggle massively with my breast image. I didn't attempt bf because I couldn't emotionally bring myself to. My oh isn't allowed anywhere near them . I do find it upsetting that people can reserve judgement for another womans parenting choice and never w had walked a mile in their shoes.

 

[JASMAK]

We shouldn't judge, but a lot of us do. My judgement is reserved for those who do not give BF a go for no medical reason but because they just don't like the thought of it, or they think FF is sufficient. I find it hard to believe any mother who is educated to know exactly how much better BF is, would not even give it a go? Not getting into all the difficulties etc but just that first choice, especially for the first baby (I could somewhat understand more if someone had a difficult time with it first time around so went straight to FF next time). I just think every woman should have a go for their child, even if for those first few days. I don't think anyone could sway me to think differently?

I don't agree with this hun. I was sexualllly abused as a teen*ger. I struggle massively with my breast image. I didn't attempt bf because I couldn't emotionally bring myself to. My oh isn't allowed anywhere near them . I do find it upsetting that people can reserve judgement for another womans parenting choice and never w had walked a mile in their shoes.

I am really sure NO ONE would ever judge you for that.

 

[Quackquack99]

We shouldn't judge, but a lot of us do. My judgement is reserved for those who do not give BF a go for no medical reason but because they just don't like the thought of it, or they think FF is sufficient. I find it hard to believe any mother who is educated to know exactly how much better BF is, would not even give it a go? Not getting into all the difficulties etc but just that first choice, especially for the first baby (I could somewhat understand more if someone had a difficult time with it first time around so went straight to FF next time). I just think every woman should have a go for their child, even if for those first few days. I don't think anyone could sway me to think differently?

I don't agree with this hun. I was sexualllly abused as a teen*ger. I struggle massively with my breast image. I didn't attempt bf because I couldn't emotionally bring myself to. My oh isn't allowed anywhere near them . I do find it upsetting that people can reserve judgement for another womans parenting choice and never w had walked a mile in their shoes.

I am really sure NO ONE would ever judge you for that.

I did spend my pregnancy wanting to breastfeed, I come from a massive family of extended bfer. (I was breastfed for 4 years) but when it came to the actual birth I couldn't bring myself to do itwould have had a panic attack. But than you

 

[Pearls18]

We shouldn't judge, but a lot of us do. My judgement is reserved for those who do not give BF a go for no medical reason but because they just don't like the thought of it, or they think FF is sufficient. I find it hard to believe any mother who is educated to know exactly how much better BF is, would not even give it a go? Not getting into all the difficulties etc but just that first choice, especially for the first baby (I could somewhat understand more if someone had a difficult time with it first time around so went straight to FF next time). I just think every woman should have a go for their child, even if for those first few days. I don't think anyone could sway me to think differently?

I don't agree with this hun. I was sexualllly abused as a teen*ger. I struggle massively with my breast image. I didn't attempt bf because I couldn't emotionally bring myself to. My oh isn't allowed anywhere near them . I do find it upsetting that people can reserve judgement for another womans parenting choice and never w had walked a mile in their shoes.

This is very different hun and I would hope rare, of course I wouldn't judge you but what you have experienced is not a common reason of course there are always exception- this being one- but I stand by my opinion on the whole, but of course not with your situation in mind So sorry for what you went through

 

[moomin_troll]

This is another case of it depends on the person, reasons for not even trying.

Some people just don't even try for no actual reason...not that it makes it any better to judge.

My cousin was sexually abused and that actually stopped her from even having children, everyone reacts differently to being abused, it's a horrible thing to go through

 

[feeble]

I have to say as well, that having children and breastfeeding helped me through my abuse, it gave my body a purpose if you see what I mean

Not trying to put anyone else's experiences down of course, more saying that I can understand the power these things can have

Both for and against x x x

 

[JASMAK]

I don't judge people how they feed, regardless though. I think breastfeeding is great, for me.

 

[Quackquack99]

This is another case of it depends on the person, reasons for not even trying.

Some people just don't even try for no actual reason...not that it makes it any better to judge.

My cousin was sexually abused and that actually stopped her from even having children, everyone reacts differently to being abused, it's a horrible thing to go through

I agree with this. I very rarely enjoy sex because I suffer from vaginusmus, which is involuntary contraction of the vagina. My oh is a very patient person.

On the other hand I think breasyfeeding is a great thing to do. I'll always defend anyones choice whether its bf or ff.

 

[Nibblenic]

I think people judge if you BF past 6 months of if you 'never tried'. People seem to require you to explain yourself.
I wont be Bf'ing my next child or even trying. Will I be judged for that. Hell yeah! Do I have to explain myself, no. Do i have an very valid reason which everyone would understand, yes but why should I have to tell people that. In orde to feel like they accept me and my decision.

 

[smelly07]

I agree ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i do see alot of 'at least try'....................well i didnt with either of my girls and i'm well educated and my career is based in working with children from birth to 7.
I had my valid reason and i dont think i should have to explain myself.
i dont in the slightest feel guilty about FF at all x

 

[Pearls18]

I'm not saying anyone should feel guilty, lord knows enough people on this website would want me to feel guilty for the choices I make because I don't do the type of parenting that is popular or common on here (but I sure as hell don't feel guilty!). I am just saying I find it hard to understand and relate to women who don't consider BF, I don't expect an explanation, I don't really care they're not my children....but as a human I form opinions in my head (I would NEVER comment to someone in person, or even directly on here, -unless someone was particularly arsey about the topic- but as a forum this is where we can express ourselves) and my opinion would be to judge someone...wrongly or rightly....for their choice if I don't understand it, I am human and I am sorry I'm not going to pretend to be the type of person who is open minded to everything and lets everything go over my head! But as I say I would NEVER question someone for their choice, but in my head I would....and I am just explaining that in this thread that is what I do

 

[Nibblenic]

I'm not saying anyone should feel guilty, lord knows enough people on this website would want me to feel guilty for the choices I make because I don't do the type of parenting that is popular or common on here (but I sure as hell don't feel guilty!). I am just saying I find it hard to understand and relate to women who don't consider BF, I don't expect an explanation, I don't really care they're not my children....but as a human I form opinions in my head (I would NEVER comment to someone in person, or even directly on here, -unless someone was particularly arsey about the topic- but as a forum this is where we can express ourselves) and my opinion would be to judge someone...wrongly or rightly....for their choice if I don't understand it, I am human and I am sorry I'm not going to pretend to be the type of person who is open minded to everything and lets everything go over my head! But as I say I would NEVER question someone for their choice, but in my head I would....and I am just explaining that in this thread that is what I do

And that is totally fine. Tbh Im pretty judgemental myself, maybe even worse in that if I think one of my close friends is doing something the 'wrong way' I will tell them out straight.
I do think we distance ourselves from people who we judge as too different from ourselves. But does the way we fed our children matter enough to create that judgemental distance
Now my biggys are things like talking to children horribly, not putting them as your priority, leaving them with people to go out a few times a week.

What I would like you to consider though and do try to consider myself. Well im blunt enough to ask people outright lol. Is that you said to one of the previous posters, 'well I dont mean you, youre the exception to the rule'. How many people are the exception to the rule. I mean in real life say in a baby group she isnt going to bring up what she did here, nor should she have to, nor should anyone. Would it change you opinion on someone if they validate their choices? Or are you willing ot think, well they may have a good reason they dont want to share?

I dont feel at all guilty for FF, but I do see people ticking over a judgement in their minds and feel I have to validate my reasons not to be judged harshly.

 

[Pearls18]

I'm not saying anyone should feel guilty, lord knows enough people on this website would want me to feel guilty for the choices I make because I don't do the type of parenting that is popular or common on here (but I sure as hell don't feel guilty!). I am just saying I find it hard to understand and relate to women who don't consider BF, I don't expect an explanation, I don't really care they're not my children....but as a human I form opinions in my head (I would NEVER comment to someone in person, or even directly on here, -unless someone was particularly arsey about the topic- but as a forum this is where we can express ourselves) and my opinion would be to judge someone...wrongly or rightly....for their choice if I don't understand it, I am human and I am sorry I'm not going to pretend to be the type of person who is open minded to everything and lets everything go over my head! But as I say I would NEVER question someone for their choice, but in my head I would....and I am just explaining that in this thread that is what I do

And that is totally fine. Tbh Im pretty judgemental myself, maybe even worse in that if I think one of my close friends is doing something the 'wrong way' I will tell them out straight.
I do think we distance ourselves from people who we judge as too different from ourselves. But does the way we fed our children matter enough to create that judgemental distance
Now my biggys are things like talking to children horribly, not putting them as your priority, leaving them with people to go out a few times a week.

What I would like you to consider though and do try to consider myself. Well im blunt enough to ask people outright lol. Is that you said to one of the previous posters, 'well I dont mean you, youre the exception to the rule'. How many people are the exception to the rule. I mean in real life say in a baby group she isnt going to bring up what she did here, nor should she have to, nor should anyone. Would it change you opinion on someone if they validate their choices? Or are you willing ot think, well they may have a good reason they dont want to share?

I dont feel at all guilty for FF, but I do see people ticking over a judgement in their minds and feel I have to validate my reasons not to be judged harshly.

Very true all of this! As you say we all have our own 'biggys' and for me, breastfeeding is a big one, perhaps the ultimate one (barring child abuse etc obviously!!!), so I will feel stronger about it than most, particularly FF obviously- as I say the issue isn't so much as disagreeing or whatever, it's just that thing of not being able to relate, but you are right because we don't, and shouldn't, have to explain every decision we make we don't find levels to relate to people on particular topics if this makes any sense.

I have to admit I was taken aback by the comment on child abuse, I have been on forums for a couple years now and have always been opinionated and seen things as black and white but meeting people from different backgrounds has made me realise things aren't black and white, we should avoid sweeping statements (for me benefits is something I have grown to be a lot more open minded about realising it's not about scrounging etc etc just as an example, so I avoid debates on broad judgements on benefits etc.) So, breastfeeding, for me, was always one of those black and white issues it was something I felt comfortable posting because I stood by it 100% but when Quack (sorry hun don't know your name x) posted about her experience I had never thought of that, so it is true even when you think something is black and white (so by excluding medical reasons) it is not always the case....-rarely in fact!-however, I do STILL stand by my opinion I guess I have just accepted there is another exception...and probably more that I am not thinking of...but I should be careful with the way I word things because there will always be people that will a) disagree b) be an 'exception' but they should not feel like they have to explain themselves! No-one has to explain themselves to me obviously, god it always goes back to the fact that we all love our children and do what is best (!), but parenting is so personal, we are so overwhelmed by it I think we take it a lot more personally when people have different opinions on it than on politics etc. It's just nice being able to be in a thread and explain ourselves without being picked on (I hope no-one has felt picked on by me!) Because while I am opinionated I am not stubborn, if someone can show me the 'other side' of an argument, as you and Quack have done, I am more than happy to concede or at least acknowledge I need to consider other things or words things more carefully I have definately found as I get older I am becoming generally more laid back and open minded, not the feisty know-it-all teenager I used to be, but I guess atm a part of her will still live in me

 

[Pearls18]

God sorry that was a load of waffle!!!!

 

[Nibblenic]

Not waffle at all, its lovely to hear your opinion, and thank god for news and debates that we can talk to eachother and learn from/about eachother with out a slaggin match.
I feel like i am a 'exception' but thats for you to judge by your own standards. Im certainly comfortable with my reasons....

If you meet me at say at baby club. You might notice im FF feeding. To look at me you might think I have bad posture, maybe im a little stiff and slow to move. Maybe that I dont get down on the floor with my Lo and look uncomfortable at the song at the end. But im not in a wheelchair, yet, i dont use a stick as there is nothing wrong with my legs

What in reality it is is spinabiffida and a degenerating spine.

I take morphine, a nerve block and get injections in my spine every 8-12 weeks, which are a long term aesthetic and steroid. Now Ive discussed another pregnancy with my consultant, as I am an only child with no cousins. This would leave Lo with no siblings , no cousins, no aunties or uncles. So I do want to give her a family. My consultant thinks he can get me through another pregnancy, just, it isnt going to be a pretty 9 months but its doable with enough support. However once the Lo is born the care really does have to go back to me, which means back on drugs/treatment that would cross into breastmilk. So obviously I wont be breastfeeding. But I will have given her life, risked my health, and gone through all sorts of hell to get her as healthy as I can into the world.
Thats enough for me, to know that in my head, I know people judge you for all sorts. Do I feel guilty as a parent, yes sometimes, but i dont think more than anyone else. I try my best and sacrifice all that I can

 

[Pearls18]

Not waffle at all, its lovely to hear your opinion, and thank god for news and debates that we can talk to eachother and learn from/about eachother with out a slaggin match.
I feel like i am a 'exception' but thats for you to judge by your own standards. Im certainly comfortable with my reasons....

If you meet me at say at baby club. You might notice im FF feeding. To look at me you might think I have bad posture, maybe im a little stiff and slow to move. Maybe that I dont get down on the floor with my Lo and look uncomfortable at the song at the end. But im not in a wheelchair, yet, i dont use a stick as there is nothing wrong with my legs

What in reality it is is spinabiffida and a degenerating spine.

I take morphine, a nerve block and get injections in my spine every 8-12 weeks, which are a long term aesthetic and steroid. Now Ive discussed another pregnancy with my consultant, as I am an only child with no cousins. This would leave Lo with no siblings , no cousins, no aunties or uncles. So I do want to give her a family. My consultant thinks he can get me through another pregnancy, just, it isnt going to be a pretty 9 months but its doable with enough support. However once the Lo is born the care really does have to go back to me, which means back on drugs/treatment that would cross into breastmilk. So obviously I wont be breastfeeding. But I will have given her life, risked my health, and gone through all sorts of hell to get her as healthy as I can into the world.
Thats enough for me, to know that in my head, I know people judge you for all sorts. Do I feel guilty as a parent, yes sometimes, but i dont think more than anyone else. I try my best and sacrifice all that I can

And this is why we (i.e. me) shouldn't make sweeping statements! Thanks for sharing, not because you needed to explain yourself because of course you don't, but to give me another perspective and again prove nothing is black and white. It sounds like you have done incredibly. I wish you all the best for that pregnancy,*if you do a journal I would love to follow it and support you I have to say I did cite as*an exception medical reasons* -not that you want my approval - But as you say how would I know if I were to meet you? You don't want/have/need to tell me about*your condition.*I think*I get a little defensive because so many women say how hard BF was and they couldn't cope etc etc and I feel like saying it was hard for me too just because I carried on doesn't mean it was easy, I HATED breastfeeding not something I admit often (except for on another thread today lol), although I did it and was proud to do it I hated the tie, the commitment, the pain, the exhaustion- I sometimes wonder if I had PND exasperated by BF, not that I was ever diagnosed I wasn't that bad but I was immensely unhappy until after 6 months...which was when we weaned. So I hate that*some people make out I was 'lucky' that I got to 9*months,*it wasn't lucky I am not modest it took self-sacrifice and determination lol, which I think is why I get so touchy about the subject*if this makes any sense. I always used to get bitter when I saw on facebook new mums able to go out shopping, to the cinema and stuff*because they were FF I couldn't really do those things so I was just plain jealous lol- but of course now I can see who knows why they FF, who cares, I shouldn't, we did what we did, they did what they did and we all have happy children...and I managed to go to the cinema eventually lol. Next time around I will be a lot more relaxed as I know when I am BF at 2am, 4am, 6am etc it won't be forever lol. But I am lucky that I was medically able to do it.
*
On a side note, (to add to the waffle) I have been using BnB a lot more recently, to the point I am getting to know members a little better, before I used to use it a bit fleetingly when I needed advice or to add comments on threads I was shocked or moved by....it's very easy having an opinion with people you don't know very well, but the more I get to know girls on here, and their own situations, it is making me reign things in and think more before replying, just as I would in the 'Real World' which is good really...I think! But yes it's nice to have sections like this where we can discuss things, in other parts of the forum it can get a tad OTT