Why get a buriel if you won't maintain the grave!

[daopdesign]

My boy is at the end of a row of 4 and next to him is an unkept grave, next to that one is a kept grave and next to that one is an unkept one!

I don't get it, why have a buriel if you're not going to maintain and visit your babies memorial? It really makes me sick. They don't even have a headstone or plack, nothing, not even a bunch of flowers.

Today I built a lovely little fence and stuck some windmills in with a poem for my boy but it really does sadden me when I look at the plots next to him as I find myself splitting my flowers between mine and the one next to him! I can't understand why someone chose to have a buriel but then doesn't visit. Bah.

 

[collie_crazy]

Some people might find it too hard to go back to the burial site of their baby, or they might be sick / something might have happened to them / they might have moved away etc.

This is one of the reasons we have decided not to gate our put stones around Emilys grave - because its fine just now when we are there all the time to maintain it but what happens if in 10 years time we move out of the area and cant get back often enough to maintain it? Or when we die - who will look after it then? We do have memorials and keepsakes, poems etc there but we are leaving it just grass so that it will get cut and will still look OK even if we cant get there for a while.

Here the workers at the cemetery will only cut around bordered graves and not in the inside of them and not right upto the edge incase they damage the kerbing / gates etc so a lot of the graves can look unkempt. There are a few that are years old now and have been bordered and they are so overgrown in the inside it makes me cry. I have an urge to clean them up but I dont know if thats the right thing to do

 

[Vickieh1981]

Maybe because it's bloody hard to visit your baby there I go through stages where I can't go and see missy for weeks at a time (it also upsets my children so haven't been up much during the holidays)

I try not to judge too much in how other parents grieve although it does make me sad to see babies who look forgotten.

Some parents at ours have moved away and only come back once a year or so - the baby next to Isabella still has his little Christmas tree on his.

Some parents might be ill or dead themselves now.

One mother at our is having her babies exhumed as she has moved to Ireland and wants them nearby. There could be many reasons.

Just say a prayer for them and that is about all you can do.

 

[daopdesign]

There is not much you can do but it's sad all the same. I'd not even thought about who would go visit him when I'm gone but after thinking about it I would hope my son and any future children continue to cherish my boy and ensure his resting place was a heaven. God this so morbid isn't it, awful how we have had to bury our children Life is so cruel x