Why is #3 such a hard decision??

[Missy08]

Looking for any advice/opinions or knowledge from people with more than 2 kiddos.

For the past year and a half or so I have been really struggling with whether or not we want to try for #3. We currently have 2 DD's (7 & almost 3), so it would be awesome if we could have a boy (even though obviously we aren't guaranteed that). I think I have this traditional 4 person family image stuck in my head for some reason...maybe beca. use that's how my family was growing up. But I just can't shake the feeling of wanting another one. Other than a few medical bills we'd like to pay off, we would be ok financially. I also work from home now (running a daycare), so I would be home and wouldn't have to worry about daycare.

UGH, why is this one such a hard decision??

 

[Eleanor ace]

3 really does seem to be a hard decision for a lot of people. It was for me and I had always wanted to have 3 children, I was super broody and still I second guessed it and worried over every aspect of the decision. From my own perspective, I'm SO glad we did go for a 3rd. It jut feels right and LO has slotted in perfectly. It seems crazy that I worried about things like upsetting the balance, whether it would make life harder etc now.

 

[Missy08]

Thank you! It's always nice to hear from people who already have 3. I'm not sure why #3 seems to be such a hard decision....It's like on the one hand, I already have 2 kiddos, can one more be that much different. Plus I would be home with the baby now. Then on the other hand, both my girls are sleeping through the night, potty trained, etc. Should we start over. I think I'm leaning more towards yes and just need to talk to DH more about it and get an idea on timeline

 

[Aliop]

I knew if we went for three we'd end up with four so it was a really big decision!

Also, two kids is easy to 'conquer', it's not so overwhelming and you don't feel as outnumbered as you've got two hands to hold, a partner to take one or both very easily aaahhhh...they were the days lol

Three you become outnumbered and it feels daunting to organise them especially when leaving the house. Mine were not quite 4, 2 and a newborn when I had three so it was me and all three of them at home everyday (by the time number four came along I have two at school & one at preschool twice a week so it's like having one again a lot of the time!). Three little people needs seems like a lot for one person to take on!

Our 1 & 2 are/were best friends and our 3rd was sort of the odd one out when they got a bit older so we decided to go ahead and have no. 4 and I can already see 3 & 4 being super close friends so I am incredibly glad from that aspect.

 

[MamaWorld]

I have three kids, ages 5, 3 and 1. It is more hectic with three rather than two but mine are also younger than yours so your transition to three might not be as hectic.
I want another one so badly but unfortunately my boyfriend isn't on board with that at the moment.

 

[Missy08]

Mamaworld,

Thanks for the reply! I was kind of thinking the same thing about ages...by the time a 3rd was born, my oldest would be at least 8 and my youngest would be at least 3.

DH isn't all the way on board yet for #3 here yet either, so I'm in the same boat with you there

 

[MamaWorld]

You're welcome! Doesn't it suck when the guy isn't on board with another one?! I seriously feel like a piece of me is missing because of the want for another one. But guys just don't seem to understand that. I've seen forums where people say, well you should talk about this kind of stuff when you first get into a relationship. We both knew we wanted kids but if we had of talked 13 years ago about how many, I wouldn't have known that I would want four kids, especially considering I was only 15 years old when we got together.

 

[Missy08]

Yes, exactly! DH & I also met when I was 15 and if someone had asked me then, I probably would've said 2 at the most and DH probably would've wanted more...feelings and situations just change.

I feel the same as you as if something is missing, or someone is missing. I did bring the subject up to him last night and mentioned possibly trying/talking about trying the first part of next year and try to plan on having the baby born around the holidays next year. He didn't say no, but I couldn't really tell what he was thinking....At least the thought is out there now.

Does your DH not want anymore at all or just not now?

 

[MamaWorld]

That's good, at least he put a general idea of when he wants to try again. My DH just says "no, we already have three! It's not like getting a dog." Lol. This is how he was after our first and after our second though. I would bring the subject up once in a while and he would say "no" then about the time I give up is the time he decides to go for another.
It's so tough to bring up though cause I don't want to be too pushy but at the same time, I want to feel complete.

 

[Missy08]

Exactly! I feel like I need to bring up the topic every so often so he knows I'm thinking about it and it puts it in mind as well, but at the same time I don't want to be pushy. I also don't want him to just say "ok" because he knows I want one, I want him to be good with it and excited too! I'm so jealous of women whose husband's WANT to try

 

[MamaWorld]

I thought I posted s reply to you but apparently it never posted!
My last pregnancy DH didn't really seem excited until we found out it was a girl. It was really tough going through the first couple months with him not caring about it. That was an unplanned pregnancy though.
My friends relationship is opposite of ours. Her DH wanted a lot of kids but she was done after 3.

 

[Beee]

Hi ladies
I am also trying to decide about having a 3rd. I have 2 beautiful daughters age 4 and 19 months. I work part time and hubby works full time self employed. Childcare costs are an issue (the main issue for me).
I would love to have a little boy. I, like you, feel somewhat 'incomplete' at the moment. I would be just as happy to have another girl, but if personal preference came into it I'd love a boy.
My hubby is taking some convincing. Our second daughter is a bit of a handful. She's hit the 'terrible twos' a bit early i think. I do worry at times about how I'd manage with 3. But as a pp said my oldest will be at full time school in September so there would only be the 2 of us during the day.
I recently had a bit of a health scare which put things into perspective a bit and made me want to start trying towards the end of this year. But hubby still isn't sure. I have a mirena coil at the moment and don't really have periods, not sure when I should get this removed (if and when we do agree on ttc!)
Xxx

 

[momof2tobe]

Hi, I'm in the same situation but thinking about number 4! Number 3 was the easiest of them, and my first boy! So kind of similar situation. My girls always play, fight and spend time together (they are 14 months apart) ...and he just goes with it. Very laid back and happy kid.
Just so you know, if you research there are ways to improve your chances for boys. We did a lot of those and we were in shock because it worked! Then my SIL did the same and it worked too. Most of it is probably timing of ovulation and sex.
So, right now my baby boy is over 2 and my husband really wants to give him a brother! I do love all of them and it did cross my mind to have another, but a lot of times I thought I was done. I just don't know anymore.
But I would definitely say, go for number 3. After 2 you already know what to do and it's so much easier.

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Honestly, I think if you're struggling with it and can't shake the feeling you should go for it. I doubt there's a mom In the world who has thought "I really wish I didn't have my last kid". Maybe there are some that wish they had one more when they had the chance though.