Why is it that

[readyformore]

Every time someone with children posts in the ltttc forums asking for support, it seems like they get attacked?

I know what it's like to have primary infertility, I have been there.
I know that those without kids or even a bfp are struggling.

It just irks me that we can't have support either! And this secondary board doesn't have much action, so I truly don't expect much traffic on this thread. It's just more of a rant.

 

[Jennifer01]

I think sometimes people think it can't be as upsetting because at least you have had a child, something they may never experience. In a way I can understand that, because I do feel lucky I was able to have one (never mind that it was 17 years ago, lol!) However, what some people don't realize is that wanting a baby and not getting one is difficult regardless of the circumstances-it seems like something that should naturally happen as soon as you want!(and look at all the people NOT trying that it happens to!) For me, my husband has no children, so I get sad for him also, he wasn't in our lives early enough to raise my child really either. Bottom line is we are all wanting the same thing and we are all hurting in different ways, it should be that everyone gets the same support, respect and consideration. And that's my PSA for today lol. Don't take it to heart too much, I know I can be very cranky bc of ttc-maybe that's what you were hearing.
Hope you have a great night, sorry for the long reply!

 

[Casperess]

I understand what you mean.

I have severe endo and struggled to have my son.

I'm now struggling for a second and there is a difference to the support if any.

I can understand how people who can't have a 1st feel... but at the same time when you know what you're missing you feel it more.

Like has been said it's a shame that people can't just be supportive whatever the op's circumstances. We're all human at the end of the day, which opens people up to being judgemental.

Before you posted this i was thinking why are there not seperate sections. For example there is a ttc#1 thread, perhaps there should be a #2 #3 etc thread?

Hope you're okay xx

 

[Amandamb1108]

People can defiantly be harsh when it comes to secondary infertility. my daughter is 3 and i have been trying to get pregnant again since she was one, it took 3 years to get pregnant with her but then again we weren't trying but weren't preventing. and now i want a second baby so bad it hurts, i love being a mother and i love my daughter with a love i cant even describe and the thought of having two children to love like that would just be amazing. anyways i got pregnant in may after taking 3 months of clomid only to lose him due to triploid syndrome and i just had a chemical pregnancy this month well i text my cousin to kinda vent to her about how hard this week has been for me and i was told

"you just need to learn to be happy with what you have"

really? that is not something you tell someone who is upset and in pain, i should have known not to text her she doesn't even want kids. i was so hurt by the comment i couldn't even reply back.
It doesn't matter if you have 1,2,3 or 4 kids when you want another baby and cant have one it hurts and it sad and just as devastating as anyone else

 

[Jennifer01]

Ugh Amanda, I'm sorry....your cousin seems like just a generally insensitive person! However many kids you have, losing one is still awful, and not being able to conceive is difficult and frustrating!!! I find that even the few people that I have told about our "issues" still seem to be less than sensitive at times. I think we should get a free pass to just punch someone in the mouth once a month-kind of like an infertility runners up prize jk.
Good luck to us all, in ttc and in keeping our cool!

 

[readyformore]

And I swear, if I hear ONE more time about how I should be grateful or appreciative for what I already have........I will punch them in the mouth. Or, at least scream!!

 

[Jennifer01]

I am with you ready, having a crap day (bigtime nma) and feel a little outburst is in order!! Honestly, at this point I feel like it will never happen for me-like I used to pick names, etc. now I don't even bother. Getting myself prepared for an empty nest at the age of 37!!! I used to think "oh that will be great, I will have so much time to myself!" but now that it seems like reality I feel freaked out! Sorry for the rant girls, not myself tonight!!

 

[puppycat]

I hear you OP.

My Nan keeps telling me there's no rush but I don't want to have a huge gap between my children. Laura loves other children, she plays really well and is really into her dolls, she is so loving and would really be a fab big sister - i just know it.

The worse thing is, I know lots of people who are pregnant or just had babies (not so much on BnB because you know they've had trouble) but IRL, my neighbour has a 2 week old even, she's a fab mum but I know this little one wasn't planned!

It's hard.

 

[magicvw]

Every time someone with children posts in the ltttc forums asking for support, it seems like they get attacked?

I know what it's like to have primary infertility, I have been there.
I know that those without kids or even a bfp are struggling.

It just irks me that we can't have support either! And this secondary board doesn't have much action, so I truly don't expect much traffic on this thread. It's just more of a rant.

Well I guess it's because that although you can put yourself in their shoes, they can't put themselves in yours, if that makes sense. TBH someone who is attacking you probably doesn't care that you know how they feel - it's not going to make them feel any better, but I don't think it's the majority of LTTTCers who are like that, and was most likely someone just having a bad day than someone who is always like that (hope so anyway). I have a lot of LTTTCer friends on here and not one of them has ever suggested that I should feel grateful for what i have etc etc. There is support for us 2IFs but we are a minority and so the board is quieter, but there is still support.

This is our board - rant all you like and we will listen!

 

[pk2of8]

I gotta chime in here! I haven't been attacked on any of the other boards, but I can defo relate to the "be grateful for what you already have" comments. Both here and in real life and it just makes me want to scream!!! Or better yet, punch somebody in the mouth!! talk about cathartic!! Whew!! I'm SO sick of hearing that comment!! I have 4 children from a previous marriage...the youngest of whom is nearly 11, so it's been a LONG time since I've had a lo. My dh has NO bio children and like one of you mentioned, it just BREAKS MY HEART when I think of him having none of his own. He doesn't often say so, but he wants that. He's just not one to express his feelings much, but the sadness is in his eyes and it near kills me when I see it. we've just completed our first round of IVF due to very severe MFI and possibly other issues after ttc/ntnp for a total of 4 years or more. We had a chemical, and the pain has been overwhelming. It's just so disheartening to be hurting so much, to be looking for support from people that you think will "get" what you're going through, only to be told "well just appreciate what you already have". NOT cool. So thank you for writing this post!!!!!

hey pc to you sweetie.

 

[puppycat]

Hey PK, good to see you around BnB hun

 

[BearsMummy]

My Best Friends new one is 'why do you want to ruin your life with more kids?'

This is the person that has 'ruined' her life 4 times over with four children!!! So I tell her that!!

My DS is 11, he is also by a previous marriage, my OH doesn't have any bio of his own, even though he is a great step-dad to my DS, and he says if we don't manage TC he's happy with his lot!! But secretly, I know it breaks his heart every month when we get BFN's. And it's great that he tries to make me feel better by saying he's happy with raising my son as his own.

I just feel I have missed out on being a mum, I was very ill when my son was 3, and he went to live with his father for a while, then we ended up with joint residency, so I feel I haven't had the chance to be a 'proper' mum.

So, I agree, people should not judge us just because we already have kids, all our circumstances are different, and wanting to be a mother is a natural urge, we don't choose to feel broody, and we are not being selfish!! I'm sure these ladies who are 'bullying' ladies TTC who already have kids, will go on to have more than one child, their bodies allowing!!!

Who on earth decides that we can't have maternal instincts and the strongest urge to be a mother again? Who made them God??

Sorry............... Rant Over!!!