Why the wait?

[Samantha675]

I noticed on facebook the other day a classmate of mine was talking about how her kids are now all in junior high. It's hard for me to imagine as mine only child is still in diapers, and I am now just working on baby #2. She said she always wanted to have kids early so she could have a life later on and be done by 40. I responded that I did all my partying in my 20's and just want to have my baby having done by 40. She lol'd and said at least we both had a plan.

I just couldn't have handled having kids earlier than I did. It was a few weeks before my 33 birthday when I gave birth to my son, and I am so glad I waited. I had way more fun in my 20s than I probably should have, I missed out on nothing that is for sure. Plus I wanted to be settled and as ready as I could be to have a child.

So why'd you decide to wait?

 

[nellis10]

Didn't meet my hubby till I was 32, had DS at 33, now still trying for #2!
I guess I wasn't ready to meet a hubby till then.

 

[caroleb73]

Hi Samantha,

I have just turned 37 and have been TTC #1 for 1 year now. I guess it wasn't until I was in my early 30's that I felt ready for a baby until then my career and having fun was my focus. Although I wanted a baby a few years back and was in a long term relationship I didn't feel that he was the "one". I was right and I finally met my amazing hubby when I was 35 and got married soon after.

I do wonder if I had started earlier in life if I would be having the trouble TTC that we are now experiencing but then again I couldn't imagine having a baby with anyone else as I know my hubby will make the perfect Dad.

I have to believe that it will happen for us but deep down hope that it happens soon.

 

[Sparky67]

I had one at 22 which wasn't planned, and I was on my own. I didn't meet my now hubby until I was 35 and we have been trying ever since (7 and a half years and counting)

 

[vickyd]

I was too focused on school and having a career. I acheived my academic goals and got my dream job so me and hubby decided to reach one more goal : starting a family. We havent been too sucessful at that one but as they say "you cant be good at everything" lol!! I do not regret my life choices at all by the way

 

[twinkle1975]

I got married at 23 & divorced at 25 - no kids for which I was really grateful as it meant I never had to see my ex again, single-ish from 25 to 30 then met DH but was wary after the divorce so took a while to decide to get married again. Started trying in October when I had to come off the pill due to a blood clot in my brain and got married in Feb. DH is only 30 & I feel like he might be missing out because he's with me.

 

[Margerle]

Hehe - I did both.

My oldest is in 9th grade this year (14), and I was her only parent for a little more than a decade.

I partied and eff'd off so much when I was a kid, I made some really poor choices. But when I got pregnant with her, it felt right to take that path.

So, then I met DH (who himself had an 18 yo). We dtd on a fertile day knowing the chances and found ourselves with our little one 9 months later

My body was much more 'forgiving' in my late teens/early twenties for having children. I noticed that this last pregnancy - though not risky - was 'hard' on me physiologically. It is something I seriously consider as we ttc #2.

However - I find myself a much more relaxed and "together" parent in my 30's. It's probably a combination of having done it before, and being that much older.

I remember when I was young and with a toddler - I was excited with all the normal milestones that first year - and 99% of my peers were not even married and had no clue what I was talking about... I felt very alone frankly.

Now I'm again in a position where I'm reaching those first year(s) milestones and my peers have school age kids now! So I missed the boat again haha.

Anyway, I feel very content on how my childbearing has turned out. Granted I kinda wish I was facing only highschool stuff and the freedom of having a teenager, but I love having and caring for kids - watching them grow and develop so I do not regret having kids later either.

(Hoping in a few days I can say kid(S) )

 

[spacegirl]

I got married at 23 & divorced at 25 - no kids for which I was really grateful as it meant I never had to see my ex again, single-ish from 25 to 30 then met DH but was wary after the divorce so took a while to decide to get married again. Started trying in October when I had to come off the pill due to a blood clot in my brain and got married in Feb. DH is only 30 & I feel like he might be missing out because he's with me.

Jeez Twinkle1975! you've been through it girl haven't you

I have been with my husband for 14 years (married one year). I never felt a strong need to be married or have kids until now as I have focussed on going out and having fun. Also, I didn't have the pressure to do it as none of my friends are married with kids either.

I don't know why I've changed my mind but I have and I must admit I am worried I've left it too late (for myself...I know it's poss. to have kids 40+). I'm worried that if for some reason I can't I may have regrets with my choices. I'll have to find a way to deal with that should it be the case...

 

[Samantha675]

I got married at 23 & divorced at 25 - no kids for which I was really grateful as it meant I never had to see my ex again, single-ish from 25 to 30 then met DH but was wary after the divorce so took a while to decide to get married again. Started trying in October when I had to come off the pill due to a blood clot in my brain and got married in Feb. DH is only 30 & I feel like he might be missing out because he's with me.

i did the same. Married at 22, separated at 23 and divorced at 24. Thank the universe we didn't have a child together. I met my DH when I was 26, and swore I wouldn't get married again. But within a year of living together I knew he was going to be a good husband and a great father and had no reservations about making that trip down the aisle. He on the other hand took his time, waiting another 3 years to propose. haha

 

[HappyAuntie]

DH and I have been married 11 years, it just took us 10 years to decide that we wanted kids. Before then, one of us would feel ready for kids so we'd talk about it... and after a few weeks of talking, the other would come around to the idea and by then the first would be scared again! We went back and forth like that, trading places for years. Then finally we were both in the same place at the same time, we finally both felt ready to be pregnant. Got pregnant the very first month we tried, and lost the baby at 12 weeks. Had to wait a while to try again as we were moving cross-country for his job, got pregnant again the very first time we tried and lost the baby at 8 weeks. People try to encourage me with the old "at least you know you can get pregnant" - yeah, well, fat lot of good that does me if I can't stay pregnant!

I keep having to remind myself of why we waited in the first place. I'd still rather be an "older" mother than a reluctant mother, one who had her kids before she was ready for them. I'm not so concerned about having babies in my late 30s, I just don't want to still have a kid in school when I'm 60, or be paying college tuition when we'd rather retire.

I'm not completely obsessed with TTC, and I have to work hard to stay that way. My cycle has always been really regular, so I refuse to test until I'm late. I also don't use OPK for that reason, just keep an eye on my calendar and my CM and leave it at that. Dealing with the grief of losing two is hard enough - I can't handle the TWW every month....

 

[CHILLbilly]

I am 38 and have been trying for 2 years......I have been with my OH since i was 33 so long wait for Mr. Right!!!!!!!
was in a 5 year relationship before him but knew even at 28-33 that I wasn't ready for a baby and also didn't want my X-oh to be the fatehr of my kids....

I had ALOT of fun in my 20's and have No regrets about waiting. i would have been a bad mom back then, but am more then ready now.....

 

[aurora]

My mom had a baby when I was 11 and one when I was 13. I was little miss built in babysitter and having kids early like most of my friends did just wasn't in my plans!
I really lived well, travelled, had a really interesting job that took me all over and allowed me to meet lots of people.
Now I'm a month from 34 and shortly after gonna have my first baby and feel really content!

 

[mogsanddogs]

been with hubby for 20 years,decided to have our first when i was 34 after 10 years together ,wanted to be finacially secure first.didnt decide to wait long to have second when son was almost 2 started trying again but appear to have left it a bit too long ,nothing for 8 years not even a hint of a bfp until this year but ended in mc.

 

[mumoffive]

Ive done it both ways. Have had my olders sons when i was 19 [twins] and 22 and have two little ones now at 2 and 3 and now im 42. I think personally i was too young to have kids, but everyone is different. I think part of me always wanted to be doing something else although i loved them always and always put them first. I kind of did all my going out when i was in my early thirties and went to uni. I had fun! Now im happy to enjoy my toddlers and appreciate every single minute that goes by with them. I missed so much of all that when i was 19, even though i was a SAHM...i just didnt think the same. TTC my last baby..same old story, had a m/c a few weeks ago. So on the ttc journey again...

 

[twinkle1975]

Jeez Twinkle1975! you've been through it girl haven't you

Sorry I didn't mean to sound like a drama queen!!!

(that top bit is a quote - don't know why it didn't do the blue box thing!)

 

[Seity]

I just had my first and waited for a couple reasons. First, I wasn't the least bit ready to be a parent in my 20's and Second, I hadn't met my OH yet. We got married when I was 35, and then we wanted to wait a year to have some 'us' time before trying for a child. I didn't want to have children until I felt emotionally and financially secure enough. I would never have it any other way and now that we have the one I think I can safely say that one is more than enough. My sister also waited and had her first at 36 and just had a 2nd. My brother did the opposite and had 3 before he was 21. He says he was too young, but is happy with his kids anyway.
for anyone that's ttc!

 

[ArticBaby]

I didnt meet my husband until I was 34. That was 6 years ago, now im 39. For the first few years the time wasnt right to have kids....NOW were ready. I didnt think 3 years would take so long to concieve.

I want to be pregnant now

 

[giggles.]

I had a DD when I was 22, she was a huge surprise!!!! I was a single parent and told myself I would not have another child unless the father was going to be around. My bf is ready for this too, he even told me he would treat baby and my DD as if they are both his. Bless!
Been trying now for 6 cycles! 6 looooooooooooooooooong cycles. At the moment I am 6dpo!!

 

[MumtoJ]

Monther nature made my decision - after 8y ntnp finally got a BPF and had my ds, now ttc for n2# glad I had to wait as definately in a much better financial position now than we would have been 10 years ago.

My philospy is definately it all happens for a reason ...

Doesn't make the waiting any easier though

 

[Flame589]

I was married in 1995 then divorced in 2001 and so glad I didnt have kids with my ex!!
Only met my DH in 2007 and got married last year....we only decided the time was right to try a few months ago ...i just wish i wasnt as old as i am but i know that i am just lucky to have met my dh and all i can do now is hope for a BFP!