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Why the wait?

Hey Flame - snap! I'm in almost exactly the same situation!
 
Hey Flame - snap! I'm in almost exactly the same situation!

Hi Twinkle its good to know that someone else is in a similar position as myself. Im 40 and my dh is 39 and i do kind of feel that time is running out a bit and keep reading about people who are all having tests etc and i feel that cos i have just started ttc i have no idea if i will have any problems etc and by the time i find out im going to be even older!

Are you ttc#1 too?
 
why the wait? Got a degree, travelled, have a great career, and I met the man of my dreams at 34 and am now blissfully happy :thumbup:

As encouragement, we started trying for our first when I was 37, took 7 months, natural.
(of course he arrived 3 months early but that`s due to health issues I have, not age =p )
 
Didn't meet OH until I was 36, and we've just decided to start TTC this year (I'll be 38 tomorrow and he'll be 36 at the end of July). All we need now is a wee one (or two :winkwink: )to complete the picture!
 
What interesting lives:thumbup: In my case, school, school and more school, and then a career, where (the few) women say that one can't have a kid in the first few years and succeed. Now I am in a stable, well-paying job, with some flexibility and had my son a few weeks after I turned 35 (conceived in the first month of trying). We are trying for #2 now (but not seriously yet, as I am still BF, and have unfortunately not had a real period yet).
I do wish I could have had kids earlier - as I've never experienced as much joy as in the past 9 months. And I might have liked several kids with a few years inbetween them - I don't have that luxury now due to my age. But I am thankful that we don't have to worry about finances.
Oh for those ladies in their early 40's - I know quite a few ladies who succeeded at that stage (my MIL had an "accident" - my OH, at 42), so lots of babydust to you!
 
I'm 34, so not quite the defined age for this section of the forum, but I definitely relate to the whole "waiting" life choice, so thought I'd share my thoughts. :)
I chose to wait because I had places to go, things to do, a world to explore - and I wanted to do that for myself before I became a parent.
I also wanted to be very sure that I wanted to be a parent. That has always been a huge decision to me and one I take really really seriously. No having a family just because that's what you are supposed to do. I wanted to be really sure that I wanted to be a mum and that having my own biological kids (ie, experiencing pregnancy myself) was the way I wanted to experience being a mum.
I'm expecting #2 this year and my husband and I are pondering if we want to try for a #3 or not. We are also debating whether that hypothetical #3 would be adopted or biological.
A huge part of that decision is financial. We waited, both have great, fulfilling careers and are financially stable, but I am still gobsmacked by how much of a hit the household income takes through either childcare costs or having one parent stay home. I don't know if we can afford to have another if we want to do the same kind of savings for education, family trips and experiences, etc. - and this is from a couple who make over the median household income and live quite a frugal lifestyle. It's a lot better once kids are in school, but the childcare costs for those early years are staggering (at least where I live they are). Money isn't everything, but I don't want to be stressed out and broke while I try to raise my children. I want to be frugal, but able to offer my kids extras like music lessons and sports and all those sorts of things.
It's not an easy balance.

And the whole other can of worms for me?
While we have made huge strides in a woman's rights in the workplace with maternal/parental leave, it still hits a woman way harder in terms of income and career when a baby arrives. I think that is slowly changing, but right now I think a lot of us still see maternity leave as a scary kind of gap in our work lives.
 
I snuck in here even though I am 34 1/2. Hubby and I are still trying for #1. Why did I wait? - you know that is a question I am asking myself all the time lately given that I have had 3 miscarriages and no successful pregnancies. I was lucky and met my hubby when I was only 23 - but I didn't want kids all those years because I wanted to advance my career and travel and live and enjoy my life. Now I wonder if I made the right decision. I wonder if we would be in the same place if we had started trying even 5 years ago instead of waiting so long. As I get older I feel like the window of "how many children" I can have is closing. I guess you could say I do have some regrets although I wish that was not the case!
My sister who is only a couple years older took the other path, married with 2 kids by age 23. Now her kids are just about out of home. I feel like for years she was envious of my situation (I was free!) and now the tables have turned and I am envious of hers, 3 kids, nearly done with it and ready to start her own life!

Anyway, good luck ladies! I hope you all achieve your dream!

xoxo
Pea
 
Why wait? That is a good question and I have no idea why. I think some of it stems from my parents, both of whom were in their teens when I came along - they split up when I was 2 1/2. My dad who was in the Australian Merchant Navy got custody, My Mother went to the US and I was sent to live with my dads parents who were in England at the time. I just went through life living with Grandparents, Aunt, Boarding school and a friend and her family not really fitting in. I left home when I was 15 and a few years later I met my OH - we've been happily together 26 years. Looking back I think I was always a little afraid of having a child - that somehow history might repeat itself and I would have my baby and not really want it. DP was happy not having kids so we just carried on living and progressing in our chosen careers - both in creative jobs, so a long and at time penniless struggle to get anywhere! Anyway at 42 I fell pg it was completely unexpected and came as quite a shock and there was much soul searching. We made it to the 12 week scan, but alas things were not meant to be and I discovered I had had a missed mc, only my body hadn't realised this and had carried on regardless. From then on I have longed for nothing more than a child. I feel at peace with myself now and ready to give selflessly to another and I know 100% I'd never leave my child. Maybe it's to late, but I can't believe my body clock would suddenly start ticking so loudly and so the quest goes on for just the one baby. ::flower:
 
I always wanted to have kids in my 30's so I would enjoy my life. I did travel and enjoy myself but I always did want a family and kids eventually. I got together with my ex about 8 years ago. Never tried to get pregnant but didn't avoid it either... can't say for sure anything was wrong but his ex wife never got pregnant and they were together for about 6 years as well and she got pregnant twice in her 40's with her next husband after their divorce... but I digress. Glad we didn't have kids because we went our separate ways over two years ago and after much trying to meet Mr. Right I have given up and decided that men come and go but a child will be mine for ever. I will be 39 in a few months and don't want to keep postponing getting pregnant any longer. Have a donor picked out and my initial visit with the feritlity doctor is for this coming tuesday. Hopefully will have more luck getting pregnant than I do in relationships.
 

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