why? why? why?

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive Over 35' started by kosh, Mar 31, 2011.

  1. kosh

    kosh proud new mum!

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    my cycles used to be 28 days clock-work, but since my MC in december they changed to 26 (exactly again). this month, however, cd26 passed by and, although I had no symptoms, I started to believe that I could be pregnant. Then, on cd28, AF came, just as it used to. I can't believe how much expectation/hoped I built in just 1 and 1/2 days! I am devastated now.

    why is it so difficult? and there is something that really bothers me: we started trying in sept' 10 and got pregnant the second month. It was not even TTC, it was truly NTNP. I really have no idea when I ovulated that month, I was totally unaware of CM, CP, OPK, BBT, etc etct etct, and it isn't that we have an extremely active sex life either (unfortunately), so I really do not know how I got pregnant!
    After the MC, we started to actively TTC, and now that I use OPKs, check my CM, and BD as much as possible during the fertile window, I do not get pregnant! why??? why if it happens by chance, it does not happen when you try! I don't get it! ](*,)
     
  2. Storm1jet2

    Storm1jet2 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2011
    Messages:
    2,382
    Likes Received:
    0
    Its hard isn't it - :flower: - at least you know you can conceive and hopefully its only a matter of time :flower:

    :dust:
     
  3. Bambers

    Bambers Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2011
    Messages:
    774
    Likes Received:
    0
    I really don't get it either hon...I was in a similar situ.
    Last year my periods changed from 29 day cycle (regular to the day) to 26 day cycle. I actually thought it may be the start of the menopause (I am 39) but I refused to think it was over for me to have another baby (My son is 20 :winkwink:).
    Anyway according to CBFM and taking my temp, I ovulated around day 14. After a few months (by Nov 10) of fruitless attempts ttc, myself and oh began to niggle and argue with each other and decided to stop trying for a baby.
    The themometer and Ov strips went into the bathroom cupboard.
    During my next cycle we had sex twice on Cycle day 6 and that was it - no more nookies. Come Jan 8th I had a BFP. Couldn't believe it...after all these years of thinking I ov'ed around the 14th day I ovulated between day 6 and 10.

    So my point is, don't always assume that you are ovulating in mid cycle as most people do...especially as your cycles have shortened and don't always take all this temp taking and CM checking etc as gospel.
    The best thing to do...is eat well, exercise frequently, bd at the right time and most importantly take the pressure off yourselves. x x x
     
  4. kosh

    kosh proud new mum!

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    the same happened to my best friend. she was TTC for a year and kind of gave up. next cycle she had sex once around cd4. that cycle she got pregnant.

    i agree, and i definetely try not to overdo it (i do not temp, and i only started with OPKs now) but still, what i cannot get, is, you do need a surge of LH to ovulate, there is no way around that, so if you 'know' by opks that you are ovulating, you have to have more chances, not less?? (sorry - i'm a scientist!):winkwink:
     
  5. kosh

    kosh proud new mum!

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    so were you using opks?
     
  6. sarahincanada

    sarahincanada Love my lil miracle

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    5,392
    Likes Received:
    0
    its so frustrating isnt it!

    I was reading a baby book last night and it said normal couples have a 25% chance of getting pregnant each month, and when you are 35-39 its only 15%. So even normal couples are 75% likely not to be pregnant each month. It really seems to be a random event, where everything alligns and works out.

    My friend aged 37 got pregnant first time trying and MC. It took a year for her to get pregnant again but now she has a healthy baby. She was saying that its so weird, how did every month not work then that month suddenly work.

    At least you know you CAN get pregnant which is ahead of a lot of us at this age (I know that doesnt help much). wishing you lots of luck for the next cycle :hugs:
     
  7. sarahincanada

    sarahincanada Love my lil miracle

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    5,392
    Likes Received:
    0

    I just wanted to mention just because you get an LH surge doesnt mean you ovulate. sometimes it can not happen or try again in a few days. people on here say the only way you can confirm ovulation is temping.

    I use the ov tests and tend to stop when I get my smiley face. but if I dont get pregnant in the next few months Im going to use the tests all month long and see if i get a 2nd surge.

    also next cycle Im just going to try and BD every other day all month!!
     
  8. kosh

    kosh proud new mum!

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    i know, but for some reason i got into my head that that was my one and last chance. i know that it is (likely) not true, but i cannot get it out of my head. i break down everytime i think about :cry: (ie now)
     
  9. kosh

    kosh proud new mum!

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    :winkwink:
    yes, that's right, i am aware of that. but i really don't hink i can temp, too much stress for me.

    something along those lines was what prompt me to ask that question re. LH surge and 'real' ovulation in my other thread

    i really wish i could do that. but i think my husband would not cope unfortunately. might suggest it :winkwink:
     
  10. Ruth2307

    Ruth2307 Student

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2011
    Messages:
    305
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am so, so sorry for you. I keep saying it but I had no idea that this TTC-business would be so difficult. I really thought that as a woman this is the one thing that I would be able to do because that is the way my body has been designed. Yeah right!!

    I really do know how you feel when you dare to hope that this month it's going to be the one and then the dreaded witch turns up and you feel like you've been sent right back to 'Go'. And it starts all over again. But that's just the point, you HAVE to start all over again otherwise all this hard work thus far has been for nothing and you cannot go down without a fight. Stay strong - our time will come :hugs: :hugs: xxxx

    (PS When I first joined these sites I didn't even know what CD stood for never mind EWCM...:haha: - I feel positively bilingual!)
     
  11. sarahincanada

    sarahincanada Love my lil miracle

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    5,392
    Likes Received:
    0

    awwww I feel so bad that you had to experience that. Dont be thinking thats your only chance though, thats definitely not the case. Its funny as to me the fact you got pregnant is very promising, even though it wasnt to be. I have never got pregnant in my life and so do wonder if it will happen.

    sometimes I get depressed about my age and thinking will it ever happen. But I just realized, normal couples have 25% chance, we have 15%, thats not that much less of a chance! so I think I am going to try and forget about the age thing and keep a PMA. It will happen for us, Im sure
     
  12. kosh

    kosh proud new mum!

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    thanks sarah :hugs:
    yes, it´s funny how one can see the positive side in someone else´s situation - to me you should not worry too much as you are so much younger!


    i read that about the 25% and 15% too, and i am now wondering what are those numbers based on, do you know? i mean, are those chances of conceiving? implanting? ...??:shrug:
     
  13. sarahincanada

    sarahincanada Love my lil miracle

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    5,392
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know, who knows where they get these stats but they must be well known as my FS even mentioned the 25% chance thing. she said our bodies are not that efficient when it comes to making babies! I think it just takes time, but its frustrating. My period is due Sunday/Monday and this will be the longest week ever!
     
  14. kosh

    kosh proud new mum!

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2011
    Messages:
    3,675
    Likes Received:
    0
    oh yes, i hate the second week, it seems to go on forever!!
    do keep as busy as you can, and try not to symptom spot! will keep my fingers crossed for you!

    i've just started using my new (second hand!) CBFM. don't know if it will make much difference to the opks, but i'm excited anyway!
     
  15. Jax41

    Jax41 It only takes one...

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2010
    Messages:
    4,491
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi Everyone, hey you all talking about me then?? I don't know why it's not happening either, except I've not even managed to get preg yet either NTNP or full on TTC, I've been trying since Sept (although had two duff cycles so not counting them!!) and a big fat nuffink so far, I'm CD17 and am already feeling doubtful....c'mon where's my PMA slipped off too then??!!

    I really do think there's no point symptom spotting (although it is so hard not too!), I don't think we get them and the first clue is no AF as most ladies seem to start feeling a bit crook 5-6 weeks on... I was determined to OPK this month and then completely forgot - OMG this is no good!!

    Bambers, you are one smart lady as I think your words of eat well, exercise, BD and take the pressure off are so true!! And that we're not all out of a txt book, so not to think we always Ov mid cycle...

    Kosh, don't give up yet, you know you can get preg, it will happen again, I'm sure of it. This is going to sound rubbish and I'm not wishing anyone an MC as they are just the worst but I'd just like to know that I can get preg...

    Sarahincanada, I get hung up about my age too, but that's not to say it won't happen for us and statistics are just that - statistics and only for a few, not the majority of the population.

    Ruth, if only we could all get 'do not pass Go' cards!!!!:haha:

    I'm not being terribly optimistic here, sorry and all your words are so kind and true, think I'd better sign off, go on the hunt for my PMA and get on with my work but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel and sending you all big hugs and lots of love :hugs::kiss::flower:xXx
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice