Why won't they listen?

[Kians_Mummy]

This has been building up for a while, OH's family are starting to annoy me when it comes to disiplining LO and in general when it comes to LO.

Not that long ago we were at MiL and LO kept going to her fire (was switched off) so first I told LO "No that's naughty" and he just laughed and done it again, so in a firmer voice I said "Mammy has already said no, it's naughty" so he did it again so without saying anything to him I put him in his pram. He started to cry so MiL took him out of his pram and said "Everything okay, nana's here, mammys nasty isn't she" . How am I nasty? If I allow him to play with the fire when it is off he is going to think it is prefectly fine to play with it when it's on. She says I shouldn't be telling him off at this age as he is too young

MiL had LO for the day and I gave her a list of dos and don'ts etc. there was on I made plain clear "If LO falls asleep either leave him where he fell asleep or try and put him in his pram, under no circumstances put him on a surface he can fall off such as a sofa or bed as he is crawling no so as soon as he wakes up he's crawling" well, went to pick LO up 3 hours later and he had a massive bruise on his head he was tired so they put him on OHs nephews toddler bed and he woke up and crawled straight out of it. I told MiL I warned her about not putting him in a bed so SiL tried defending MiL saying they didn't realise how mobile he was because he looks too small (me and OH think they did it as they think we were lying as SiLs son didn't crawl until 11 months).

Then there is OHs cousin. He came yesterday, LO was playing on the floor and went over and started to play with the coals on the fire. So I done the same as before "No Kian, that's naughty" then this cousin came out making stupid noises and making fun and copying of me, LO did it again so I told him off again and yet again the cousin did it again so LO didn't really understand that he was being told off for being naughty.

OHs family undermind my parenting at every chance they get, what can I do or say to them without sounding/looking like I am being nasty towards them?

 

[wishingonastar]

Hmm depends on how comfy you feel but I personally would be firm, polite and clear in explaining that whilst you are open to suggestions, your actual methods and instructions are to be observed and respected even when they do not agree

 

[Lauki]

Wow, that's really bad. Undermining your discipline (sounds like a brilliant way you handle it) is the stupidest thing they can do. It's gonna give your LO mixed messages and he won't listen to you anymore.
It might be hard, but I think you need to either tell your MIL that she shouldn't undermine you because this is the period in your LO's life where you have to teach him how to be safe so that he doesnt hurt himself, its not because you want to be a nasty mummy or anything, you just don't want him hurt. Or have your OH step up and tell his mum to stopt he behaviour.

 

[AP]

I'd just say - to them - "no, look, sorry, but we are trying to teach LO not to mess around with fireplaces, he needs to learn"

 

[stardust599]

I would have left when she took LO out of pram and said that you are nasty. How DARE she??

Next time she tries just politely say "No leave him there he needs to learn" and if she still carries on repeat loudly "I said leave him there please". If she ignores you again I would leave.

And how stupid to put him on a bed - what if he rolled in his sleep?

I wouldn't be leaving him again until you are sure that they can be trusted to bring up your LO the way YOU as his mother chooses x

 

[Kians_Mummy]

Thank you.
OH is going to go up and have a word with her about it, because I know I will either get angry because they won't listen or will back down and let them walk all over me.

MiL keeps asking me if she can have LO during the night but I explain to her he can't sleep in her bed so will have to wait until we can buy him a travel cot. This is why I can't see why they put him in the bed, even after me telling her the rules.

They do it all the time with things like sweets too, or giving him salt or vingar. I have told them not to put salt on his food as there is salt already in many things. We don't even have salt in our cupboards.

 

[Cattia]

I think that as they are your OH's family, it really needs to be up to him to stand up for you, presumably these are his parenting decisions too so they are undermining him as well as you. They sound like a very annoying bunch! I hope you can get through to your MIL, it's really snide of her to be making that sort of comment and I hate when people talk to babies to make a point like that, very unnecessary.

 

[Kians_Mummy]

OH doesn't agree with some of my parenting decisions (the same ones his parents don't agree with) but he still stands by them as I don't agree with some of his decisions but still go by them because I personally know it's what is best for LO . Some things I have suggested didn't work for us and some OH had suggested didn't work (majority of them are ways we were brought up) so we're trying our own way and they don't like it.

They need to take a back seat, they think because SiL need them 24/7 we do but we've never asked them for help once because parenting is about trial and error, you learn from your mistakes.

 

[ahcigar1]

If I were in your situation I honestly would basically put them in time out in a sense. Time out from seeing LO or allowed to watch LO till they can follow your rules and not undermine you every chance that they get.

 

[Foogirl]

Oh I would have gone mental if that had been me. There would have been an almighty row. And then I would have left and told them they could see my LO when they agreed to back me up as a parent and not before.

In fact, when I read it I actually said "hey!!!!" our loud!!

Absolutely no need for that kind of nonsense. And I also reckon a nice chat aint going to work. I would suspect only a massive argument will sort a woman like that out.