Will the guilt ever go?

mummyosborne

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Now I've had my second premmie they can confirm my body is just incapable of carrying to term, my cervix just gives way. This huge feeling of guilt is sitting inside me, I just sit and cry when alone. Because my body is incapable of doing something so natural, my daughter has cerebral palsy and my little boy is miles away from me in a plastic box covered in wires. I feel like I've failed them so much. I'm their mummy and I'm meant to keep them safe but I've failed already. Will this feeling ever go?
 
I am not sure if it will ever go away completely maybe when they are adults and hopefully happy but it definitely does lessen. I have started to accept that I can't change what has happened therefore continuing to beat myself up about it isn't going to help anyone. I am trying to focus on doing what is best for my surviving prem and hope that she lives a happy life.

This has taken some time to get too and at the moment with one of your second lo still in NICU and hormones raging about then it will be feeling very intense for you.

Not sure if you would want anymore children but if you did then I think you may benefit from a transadominal stitch if your cervix is the problem.

I hope your lo has a smooth journey in neonatal

xx
 
aw, i understand how you feel, as do a lot of people on here im sure. I had my son 11 weeks early because of the placenta failing, i blamed myself for his battle for so long and in honesty i still do feel a pang of guilt occasionally, i dont think i will ever be 'ok' with it, but as the babies grow up i suppose other things become more important and you do move on a little.
i was so ill after having my son, i felt so guilty such a failure, i promise it does get better.x
i hope your nicu journey with Matthew is gentle and he is home with you soon x
 
Both my pregnancies ended early too. My cervix thins and softens about half way through the pregnancy which had me in the hospital on my back from 25 weeks with the twins (managed to keep them in until 32 weeks). The scans didn't catch the problem with my second pregnancy and Reese was born at 23 weeks (she won her battle and is perfect!).

I had a huge amount of guilt with Reese as I should have forced the doctors to look closer since I knew I had issues with the twins. I told myself that I should have rested more ect... truth is though, it happened and I can't change it now. Might not have been able to stop it from happening even if I had known. All we can do is be the best mommies that we can be now that they are here and forgive ourselves for not being perfect :)

You haven't failed your babies and you won't fail them in the future. You love them... and that is all that matters now.
 
Honestly, unless you did hardcore drugs when you were pregnant, you shouldn't feel guilty. There's a little boy in the NICU next to my son who had severe IUGR because his mother was on drugs with him (he was born at 28 weeks weighing 1 pound). I can't imagine what she's feeling. You didn't purposefully make your cervix do what it does, that's just what it does. And yes, it TOTALLY sucks because our bodies should be capable of doing something so natural; what it's prepared itself for since we were tweens. But we can't live our lives like that. We can only look at the beautiful children we have and count our lucky stars that we have them and that they are so loved.
 

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