Will this ever get better?

[Algona27]

Hi everyone. I've posted here under a different name in the past. I'm so depressed at this point, I deleted my account and started a new one to remain completely anonymous.I am so miserable. The father of my child is a jerk, my living arrangements are less than desireable and all I can think of is how the rest of life will be spent struggling for money, tired and alone while my child's father lives the same life he's always lived.

I've been crying for the past 3 days. I'm so tired and just feel like I've completely screwed up my life. I love my baby, but right now I really wish I'd die in a car crash or something. I feel like I'll just screw up his life too. I thought after he was born I'd be so distracted and so in love with him that everything would be OK, but I'm just angry, depressed and feel so alone. I'm such a mess right now and just want my old life back. I want to be able to travel and go out and have fun. And maybe that's completely selfish, but I'm just trying to be honest about how messed up I feel right now. I hate my life and I hate his father and I am just PISSED that I ended up in this situation, even if I am responsible for being involved with the asshole and the lapse in judgement.

I need hugs. I need mental help. I need sleep. I need peace. I need friends. I need sex. I need a slap in the face to wake me up. My son is almost a year old and it still isn't better, it just gets worse. And I obviously needed a rant. Thanks for listening. I'm sorry I'm such a disaster and seem so selfish, but I needed to just be honest and confide in someone.

 

[Rhio92]

Huuuuuuuge

How old is your LO hun? I thought the same when I was pregnant, that I'd be so busy and in love, that I wouldn't care... But sadly it's not true, if it was, there wouldn't be single parenting place because single parents would be so happy.
Not really got much advice, just lotsof at hand xxx

 

[jessrabbit]

I hope you are ok today. Having suffered from depression most of my adult life I know how hopeless things can feel. Its hard being strong for everyone else all of the time. Hardest thing to do is admit you need some help, but you've already done that by coming on here. Get yourself down the doctors and ask for some more help, depression still seems to have such a stigma attached but most of us will suffer from it in some form during our livetime, its nowt to be ashamed of.

Big hugs xxxx

 

[Algona27]

Thanks ladies. I wish I had better news and improvements to report since I posted this, but I'm still miserable. My tears did dry up for a few days. But mostly I just feel dead inside. Otherwise, sadness is the only emotion I have these days. Or bordem and lonliness and endless days, with no relationships with the opposite sex. And right now I could care less if I see any of my female friends either, with their happy marriages and families. All I see ahead of me is work, exhaustion and no money for anything other then daycare and rent. My son is almost 11 months. He's a good baby - the best ever, almost always happy and agreeable - and I'm so sad all the time. I used to really try not to cry in front of him and now I can't even help it anymore. I've tried to tell myself to just suck it up and be a good mother and that I have to pull it together for my son, but something inside me just feels completely broken. My pregnancy was really unhappy too, so I've been this way for a long, long time, with a few short periods of "OK." But happy? No...not in the least.

 

[kirst1805]

Have you spoken to a HV or doc about how you are feeling? You really need to get all of this out before it will start to get better.

When you say about living arrangements, how do you mean? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

Loads of hun.

xx

 

[AbbynChloe]

Sorry I wasn't meant to thank you - but I assure you I know how you feel, and so do most of us in here. Being a single mother is rarely a choice, it just happens.

I am not happy - but not unhappy either, more just existing at the moment. When Chloe was your LO's age I was on anti depressants I hated leaving the house I thought frequently thought of (and sad to say) attempted suicide as I was convinced I was/am a rubbish mum and that Chloe deserved better.

i'm slowly getting used to the idea that I am best for Chloe - getting a part time job when Chloe turned 2 was the best thing I ever did for Chloe and myself. A course of anti depressants and getting rid of useless friends who did nothing to help or understand.

I still have (and will have) my moments-but for now I live for Chloe and take each day as it comes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[LonelyAngelx]

Hunny you are NOT being selfish, everyone at some point gets like this, i have there are days when i want my old life back but i wont, you just got to make time for yourself, go out with friends and enjoy yourself as for your babies dad, cant he have your LO for a few days? give you a break.. cos its not you bein selfish.. its him.. he should realise your in this situation and ur not coping to well and your down.. but i know exactly how you feel.. im going through the same thing
if u ever wanna tlk... im here

x