Wishing for Numbness...

[Trying4BFP]

Wednesday, I found out that I was miscarrying at 7 weeks. I was at work (I work in a hospital) so I went straight to the ED after noticing I passed a couple palm sized clots. They confirmed there was no heartbeat, and I was scheduled for a D&C that morning because my blood pressure had dropped dramatically and the amount of pain I was in.
The first two days after the procedure, I felt like I was hit by a semi. My entire body was in pain. Once the physical pain was gone, I feel like I am left with this huge whole in my chest. I try telling myself that it was very early, and things could have been worst. But after years of trying on our own, and months of receiving help from a fertility specialist, I am finding it so hard to cope.
I know I probably just need to give myself time to heal, physically and emotionally, but I keep wishing for this just to be over. I have a great support system, but no one that I know has had a miscarriage before. They all mean well but say the wrong things, and I just feel myself slipping into a depression I don't want to be in.
I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to cope.

 

[LouOscar01]

I totally relate to everything you've written. I too was on fertility meds and panicked through the first weeks of pregnancy worrying that something would go wrong and wondering how on earth I would deal with it. Deciding that I just wouldn't deal with it. I wouldn't be able to.

It's 6 weeks since I found out and it's obviously got better from the first few days where I just constantly cried, but beyond that it's just stayed at the same level. Just an intense sadness in my heart that tightens when ever a thought of what happened enters my mind or something around me reminds me, which is pretty much ever 2 minutes...

Strangely I found going back to work has really helped me. During the day I have no downtime to think about what happened (I'm a year 1 teacher). It has meant that I now really struggle to sleep because I'm so aware of how important it is for me to sleep. I now lie awake getting more and more frustrated and upset desperately trying to block out all thoughts relating to this.

I've also being seeing a counsellor. She has helped to delve deeper into my thoughts to help me understand them a little more.

I've re-read all the fertility books I could find to make me feel like I'm being pro-active in giving my next pregnancy the best chance it could possibly have.


I'm here if you need to vent, it seems like we went through a similar thing xx

 

[Trying4BFP]

I am so grateful that there are people that understand but I am sorry that we have to be apart of this club. I am seriously considering counseling. I do see work as a welcome distraction, but because it happened at my job I get anxious and have crying spells about going in. I am also in school so I am finding it a little difficult to focus on that.

Did you have to deal with people and their meant well but inappropriate comments? A co-worker asked me "how is the baby doing?" So I told her about the miscarriage and her response was "oh I'm sorry. But at least you know your parts work and hou are young enough that you can try again and have lots of babies" Please tell me how is this supposed to be helpful?! I've gotten to the poiint that it's almost comical. My favorite comment happened the day of the procedure and a family member came over and is drinking wine with my hubby and tells me all giddy that I better start trying again right away and tell her when I do. It's like um hello people. I just lost the most precious thing I never knew I could love so much without meeting. It's almost like they are trying to rush me through this and not allow me to feel anyway about it. I know they don't mean to do it though.

I am definitely here for you if I can be of any help. You work as year 1 teacher! That sounds exciting and exhausting. I agree that you do need to try and get some sleep. Are you still taking prenatals?

 

[LouOscar01]

My first sign of bleeding was when I was at work so I have that negative association as well. I try and avoid the 'miscarriage toilet' now.

Yes I do get those annoying comments. I always said that I would take the positive that at least I know it's possible to get pregnant...but now I just think 'is it possible for me to carry a baby to term' because without that it's really no different!

The worst is 'just relax next time'...HOW?! I'm going to be even more worried about something going wrong...and that also implies that it happened because I wasn't relaxed.

I hate that people expect me to be over it now and expect me to get on with everyday life as normal. I don't feel normal and I certainly don't feel ready to be back to normal!!

People don't understand. They seem to think that we can just replace it with a new one. That's not the case, we have LOST that baby. That baby was the one we loved. That baby we can't try again and get it back. That baby is gone and we need to mourn for that baby. Yes we can try again but for a new different baby, that's separate.

I'm back on a preconception vitamin, a multi vitamin, and fish oils and the healthiest sugar free diet that is ok except when I'm craving chocolate!!

Are you in the UK? You can get counselling through your GP. I've been sneaky and got 6 sessions through GP referral and 6 sessions through a scheme my work signed up for. I'm desperate for my next session on Saturday as I've had such a rubbish week.

I'm so tired that I just can't deal with anything!!

 

[lilesMom]

Hugs ladies xx
Sorry for ur losses.
It is devastating to lose a bub .
People don't understand its all ur planning and hopes for that bub that r gone too. They don't know how much we hve wished for it and thought ahead of our little ones
I lost my first bub.
But I hve a 2 yr old now.
I was totally worried for all of first tri.
Got less nervous later but I wont lie worry is always there.
U lose ur pregnancy innocence too.
But I did get my little boy
Ye can too.
( I'm back here cos I've had 2 mmc this year)
Its heartbreaking but I di count myself lucky to hve my squish.
Every loss hurts but my first loss hurt the worst in a way.
Cos it was a total shock
I knew miscarriages hapoened
But never imagined id hve one, let alone 3.
Huge hugs.
Be nice to yourselves
Give yourself as much time to grieve as u need
There is no set limit, we hve lost people we loved xxx
But distraction and doing nice for things yourself to raise spirits is great too xxx
Hugs

 

[Trying4BFP]

LouOscar01 :

I'm in the US. So I have options through my health insurance, and my job offers some assistance with finding someone but I am waiting to hear back.

I am definitely trying to focus on maintaining a healthier lifestyle right now. So right now I have decided to dedicate my excess time (the little that I have) into being more health conscious.

I know that I will have good and bad days, it just gets so hard when I'm walking around being fine for everyone else. It's like my grief makes them uncomfortable.

lilesMom:

I'm so sorry to for your losses.

You are so right about losing your pregnancy innocence. It's just a bummer that going into the next one we will be super conscious, aware, and worried the entire time.

 

[lilesMom]

The further into preg u get it does fade.
The first tri was spent worrying a lot alright.
This time I tried not to get attached to protect myself.
But then u don't celebrate as u should either.
It sucks either way
But hoping ye get lovely sticky beans soon ladies xx