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Worried about getting too old
- Thread starter Daisy Delayne
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S
stargirl69
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I worry all the time about this. If you look at the stats. all over the net it doesn't look good. Apparently your fertility decreases after 24 with a dramatic fall after 35. However, you hear all the time about older mothers having babies and being fine. My worry is that it will take ages to get pregnant in the first place, and then there's a chance of miscarriage etc. When you're older you don't always have time if things go wrong. I'm just a natural worrier though!
Fingers crossed it will all work out for you and all others including myself who chooose to have children 'later' in life!
Fingers crossed it will all work out for you and all others including myself who chooose to have children 'later' in life!
inertia63
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haha, you sound EXACTLY like me. I'm a natural worrier too!! My OH tends to think it's pessimism, whereas, I think it's realism!
workaholic
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I'm 32 and I've wanted to start a family for about a year now, but had to wait for OH to feel ready
But i'm really feeling the clock ticking. I think if i already had one, then i would feel more relaxed about having another at this age, because it's not really old, but i'm worried about what if we can't? I'll totally regret not having pushed the matter sooner!
But i'm really feeling the clock ticking. I think if i already had one, then i would feel more relaxed about having another at this age, because it's not really old, but i'm worried about what if we can't? I'll totally regret not having pushed the matter sooner!
inertia63
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I'm 32 and I've wanted to start a family for about a year now, but had to wait for OH to feel ready
But i'm really feeling the clock ticking. I think if i already had one, then i would feel more relaxed about having another at this age, because it's not really old, but i'm worried about what if we can't? I'll totally regret not having pushed the matter sooner!
The thing is, the OH (mostly) doesn't have to worry about declines. Sigh!!
workaholic
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Very true. I don't think they get the same tick, tick, tick feeling as we do!
I'm in a bit of a strange situation, as I had my LO (who was my 1st) when I was 25, which I felt was right for me, however am now single. I always wanted to have my family completed by around 32, but this is looking unlikely, unless prince charming is right around the corner (you never know), so am now getting slightly worried about age and getting older, as I would definately want more children if possible. However, on the other hand I feel like some of the pressure is lifted by me already having a LO, as if I never have any more, at least I have been blessed with him.
Orchid
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I personally don't see nothing wrong with conceiving in 20/30's or any age for that matter..the younger you are your able to keep up with them.Which is what my plans revolved around.Need that energy.lol. But when your older not only can you keep up, your more the wiser...Fertility is different for each person some having an issue, some not, so I try not to take the stats serious..Now in days it seems it is the "older" ladies that are preggo..Woot! Woot! I commend anyone being a parent at any age doing the job right. As far as money, you can never have enough raising a child or family.I learned that fast!
I just read somewhere that the average age for a first baby in Manhattan is 37. It takes that long to be financially stable there, apparently. That, and there are a lot of high-powered career women there, too, I guess?
Anyway, I had my first at 32 (well, two weeks before my 33rd bday, really), and I would like to wait until next year to TTC again. I do worry about fertility decline and risk, but hopefully staying healthy and active will keep me and baby in good shape. I don't regret waiting at all! I'm a much better parent at this point in my life - way more experienced and patient.
Anyway, I had my first at 32 (well, two weeks before my 33rd bday, really), and I would like to wait until next year to TTC again. I do worry about fertility decline and risk, but hopefully staying healthy and active will keep me and baby in good shape. I don't regret waiting at all! I'm a much better parent at this point in my life - way more experienced and patient.
MaybeTTC
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I know I'm not old, per se (26), but I totally know what you mean! I wonder if I should put aside grad school and have one now while I'm younger and better able to recuperate, or wait till I'm in my 30's when I'm into my career. My mom had me at 22, and I was out of the house when she was 40! that sounds kind of nice 
goddess25
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I just had my first at 35, never wanted kids before this but now i wished i started a little sooner, would like at least one more child and need to get on it fairly soon. I dont regret the way it happened am settled in great house, great job, no debt so i feel like i can give my all to my child(ren).
Flowerpot
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I totally understand where you're coming from. We'd like at least 3 kids and like you I hoped to have at least started a family by 30 but I'll be 30 next March. Before we start trying we need to move back to the UK, find jobs and buy a house. I starting to think if we wait for that to happen I'll be nearing mid 30's and then what happens if I don't get pregnant staright away...I don't regret anything I've done but it would have been nice to be to be in the position to have kids now. I think we may end up trying before we have a house/jobs as having kids is the most important thing to us right now and the rest we can work around!
It bothers me lots. I'm 23 now, which isn't old I know, but I still need to get married first and then TTC. I want all my kids (at least 3) by the time I am 30, but I also want a gap of around 4 years between each one, and the age I am right now both of those things won't be possible. After 30 your fertility declines, and miscarriage is more likely, and the chance of birth defects and genetic problems increases, and you're less energetic... I don't know if I could cope with all those worries during my pregnancy. I'm one of natures worriers.
In an ideal (but still not out of the bounds of possibility) world, married next year, 2010, get pregnant straight away (OH and I are agreed we'll start trying after the wedding, whenever the wedding is), have baby #1 2011. Then figure out if I'm having smaller gaps or being older for my second and third. I think once I've had one I'll relax a little as I'll know how I cope with pregnancy and early years.
In an ideal (but still not out of the bounds of possibility) world, married next year, 2010, get pregnant straight away (OH and I are agreed we'll start trying after the wedding, whenever the wedding is), have baby #1 2011. Then figure out if I'm having smaller gaps or being older for my second and third. I think once I've had one I'll relax a little as I'll know how I cope with pregnancy and early years.
Mrs Poppy
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My dh wants us to wait until we are 30- we are both 26 at the mo. I have been ready for years and wish he felt the same way. I worry that we will have problems which won't be helped by leaving things. Wish men had the ticking clock!
gde78
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I can understand what you're saying. But I'm an 'older mum' and have had no problems falling pregnant! I had Ellie-Mae last year when I was 37 and have fallen again without 'trying' this year. I don't feel tired or like I can't keep up with her at all. Sometimes being an older mum can have its advantages because you've done stuff you want to do, and can now concentrate on your children. There are pros and cons for being young or old parents. But as long as you have a youthful approach and look after yourself, you certainly won't be an older mummy in your 30's or 40's!
My mum had her first child at 19 and her last at 40 (me) and I think I have a better relationship with her than any of my siblings!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
My mum had her first child at 19 and her last at 40 (me) and I think I have a better relationship with her than any of my siblings!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
Blue12
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I am 27 right now and have been ttc for 3 years since getting married. I am glad that I started "early" at 24 because it did not happen on its own and only now am I getting medical help - which is a very long slow process. There are many tests and long waits to seeing a fertility specialist.
My SIL was unable to have children because by the time she ttc and found they had problems her eggs were not of good enough quality for any medical procedure. That being said I know someone who had their first at 40 without medical help.
I don't think there is a right answer, but an answer that you make right whatever you choose.
My SIL was unable to have children because by the time she ttc and found they had problems her eggs were not of good enough quality for any medical procedure. That being said I know someone who had their first at 40 without medical help.
I don't think there is a right answer, but an answer that you make right whatever you choose.
For all you worriers, remember that the odds are still in your favour even with being an older mum. In terms of risk, I mean. Yes, the odds are higher, but it's still far more likely that you will have a perfectly healthy baby. Try not to just hear "more risk", try to go look at some of the actual numbers and say them out loud to yourself "After age 35, there is a 1 in 385 chance of me having a baby with Down's Syndrome. That means that there are 385 chances of me NOT having a baby with Down Syndrome, too."
Here is a website from the UK with that info. It's a website for older mums, so it might have some good info for those of you who are thinking about waiting!
https://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/down.htm
Here is a website from the UK with that info. It's a website for older mums, so it might have some good info for those of you who are thinking about waiting!
https://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/down.htm
Oh, you don't need to worry about being too old at your age! I'm 36 and pregnant with my first. Most of my friends are in mid-30s and don't have children or are just starting to try. I had many years of schooling and then built up my career for 10 years, I'm finally financially stable enough to have kids. Take your time!
