worried about lack of bond OH & DS

[LovemyBubx]

I don't think there is one yet & I don't think OH is trying.

I know he loves him but the bond he had with DD when she was born I could tell was instant.

I know he is dissapointed that DS has blue eyes (the 3 of us have brown & OH has Indian relatives so wasn't really expecting blue) though I've told him they can change but DS is 10 weeks now & there's no change at all.

Also whenever he feeds him his bottle he let's him fall asleep part way through doesn't wind him properly doesn't keep him upright so as soon as he lays him down he's sick. I've told him what he needs to do & he doesn't listen then I have to finish dealing with DS. Or he just gets so frustrated that I have to take DS from him.

Then I'm annoyed I only ask for him to do just one feed as hr does work.

He doesn't take photos of him or hardly goes to pick him up or play with him.

I don't know how to make it better

 

[Bella1185]

I'm sorry. I would have a heart to heart chat with him, try to say how you feel versus what he's doing if that makes sense, as he might get defensive. Ask if there's anything you can do to help or if he would like a day to spend with just the baby. Truthfully I think it can be very normal for some dads to struggle to bond with brand new babies , it can take time - but if it concerns you it's worth pursuing.

 

[Literati_Love]

I do think dads have trouble bonding when babies are really young. My DH did really love my dd when she was young, but I had to ask him to hold her or do things with her when he was home. It did bother me a little. Now that she is older and much more interactive, they are SO close and he spends all his time playing with her and making her laugh. so it may just be that he is having trouble bonding at this early stage.

 

[Perplexed]

Dh & dd have a great bond- and sometimes I feel dh isn't as close to our new ds but now that I think of it, dh wasn't that close to dd when she was a newborn.

 

[Cattia]

I agree that men can find it hard to bond with young babies, and I also in our case I do think that my DH had a more natural bond with my DD1 than he did with DS at first. That might partly be to do with the fact that DS was a nightmare baby, or that DD was the first so there was more excitement involved, but I also wonder if it's true what they say about dads and their daughters being daddy's girls. My DH is great with DS now, but I would still say that DD1 is the one who has him wrapped around her little finger! I wonder how he will be with DD2. At the moment I do everything for her as she is EBF and I am at home with her all the time so I am also not sure that there is a super strong bond there just yet.

 

[stripeycat5]

I agree with the other ladies - I think it is very difficult for the Dads at the beginning as they feel like they are not as good at calming the baby down eye. DH bonded with DS straight away as he was our first and our whole world. Their bond is getting so much stronger now we have DD as they they are spending a lot of time together on their own which didn't happen before much. I know that DH is struggling to bond with DD as she is a difficult baby and I am EBF so he feels like he can't do anything to help. This is frustrating for him but as she changes and starts smiling at him I can see he is finding it easier. He has also starting bathing her in the evenings which he always does with DS. It will get easier I think the 2nd or 3rd time is almost harder as there are all the pressures of splitting your time between the kids.