worried about telling parents, finances and living situation

[bridgetboo62]

stressing about when to tell my parents

we will be telling them it was surprise and we got pregnant on birth control
because they wouldnt understand otherwise because im so young and me and OH havent been together that long
not to mention we dont have our place yet (living with my mom which is fine she doesnt mind)
but will soon we just have to pay off some debt first
and pay off our car and imac
we really werent expecting for it to happen this soon

im really scared they will talk about abortion which isnt an option for me and my OH would be devastated he wants this baby so badly and so do i

not sure if i should tell them after my first scan on the 19th
not sure if i will get a scan around 12 or 13 weeks and should tell them then
or if i should wait until im in the second trimester so miscarriage isnt as big of a possibility
or if i should wait to tell them after we know the sex but wont i be showing before then?
i dont want my mom to freak out and say you cant have the baby while living with her
we really want to be moved out by the time baby comes but im worried we wont get everything paid off in time

im 18 and OH is 29

my parents love him and think he is the best guy ever
he is super polite and helpful to them and always does whats right
and works super hard and gets things taken care of

right now we have a $200/mo car payment (still owe about $3000) and $1500 on the computer we have to pay off before 10 months from now and OH has debt he needs to pay off to get his credit up so we will qualify for getting into a place currently making $250/ month payments on a $2000 debt
and he has medical bills he has to get on payment plans for but hopefully we can make the minimum payments on those i think the lady said like $20/mo
then some other random debt too
my sister is paying OH $1500 to paint her house which will really help
and we are in the middle of a lawsuit because his buddy screwed him over on a dirt bike and we are trying to get the title to it so we can sell it. once we do we can sell it for $2000 which will really help. and our third car which we are trying to get the title to the previous owner has it tied up in a bankruptcy but hopefully it will be resolved soon and we can see that for about $1200 and that will be a big help

so hopefully we will be in a place where we are able make rent before baby comes

but on top of all that buying stuff for baby and preparing ect

its all just very worrisome and stressful

sorry everyone i just felt the need to vent its weighing pretty hard on me

i dont work but i want to. there is a gas station down the street that is hiring which is really convenient because i could walk to and from work but i dont know if it would be good for baby with the fumes and all. (here in oregon you cant pump your own gas its illegal we have gas station attendants who do it for you) i emailed midwife about it but she hasnt replied yet i think im going to email my OB/GYN about it if i dont get a reply soon. i made a thread about it on first tri and someone found some information online a study that shows it can be harmful. but i dont like to trust what i read on the internet. other people commented on my thread and said that they would feel uncomfortable with a pregnant lady pumping their gas and would go to a different gas station if that was the case.

i do have a job at the zoo as a cashier and food services worker but now all the temporary employees have to pay $6 a day to park and that on top of gas money doesnt make it worth it since its only minimum wage. (im taken off the schedule right now you only have to work 1 day a year to stay on the payroll and not have to reapply and you can call them anytime and say hey i want to work this one day or hey i want to start working regularly again pretty cool and whether im working regularly or not i get a 25% discount on all food and merchandise and can get anyone i want in for free no limit on how many) plus we only have one car working at the moment and my OH needs it to drive to work. he also needs to pay $230 a fine next paycheck because his license was suspended and we didnt know and since it was suspended for a certain amount of time he needs to pay like over $100 to take the driving and written test again and get it reinstated

we need to buy a $100 fuel pump for our other car to get it running then we need to register it
and get maybe get tags for it and insure it
hopefully my mom will put it on her insurance and we can just pay her to save us money

OH makes about $1800/mo

but he is hoping to get promoted to a salary position at his company soon
but he was super close to being fired a few weeks ago so idk about that
but im still hopeful

and we are both going to apply to be longshoremen at the end of this month
which is $25/hr to start out and after 5 years could be making 150k+ a year
so hopefully one or both of us gets into that
my dad use to work for them so he is going to try and pull strings

maybe i can get assistance from the state too since im pregnant and not working?
but idk how that works

again sorry everyone
i know you probably dont care at all
i just dont have anyone to talk to and im really stressed and worried

 

[tinkerbelle93]

It's up to you when you tell your families. If you want to wait then the 12 week scan is a good time. Risk of miscarriage is significantly cut and you will have pictures to show them too, as well as it generally being the time you'll want to share with others too.

When you tell them, perhaps quickly explain that you have carefully thought and considered each option, it might mean they are less likely to suggest anything.

As for money, I think the best thing to do would be sit down with your partner and write down all income, debt, outgoings and so on to get a clear idea of how much you need to be paying and saving each month and how long it will take you to be where you want to be. I find spread sheets very handy when budgeting and planning, there are some good templates you can download online. I was in a similar position and before we told our parents we thought we'd need to move out, however they were way more supportive than I thought and we were welcome to live at my parents so that took pressure off and we stayed until LO was 12 months.

Good luck telling your families, a lot of the time they take it better than you'd think x

 

[bridgetboo62]

yeah we would love to be moved out
but i just hope my mom lets us stay if that doesnt end up being in the cards

 

[MummyMana]

Could your OH drop you off at the zoo job before work each day? They found flexible so maybe fit it around his hours? Sone money is better than none while I was pregnant I was earning £36 a week at Argos and spending £10 per week on bus fare but I still managed to save some money (which was handy as my partner was laid off while I was in hospital)

 

[luminescent]

I'd tell them sooner rather than later. for my mom anyway, she'd be upset about the situation at first, but more upset if I had waited until late in the pregnancy to tell her. you're still their kid, and they're gonna care about you no matter what! might as well get it over with earlier so they have more time to adjust to the news and more time to help you out if they decide to do so. after 12/13 wk scan you will basically be in 2nd tri I think? and it definitely helps if they adore OH

I know I talked to you on pm, and you read my thread so I think you know we have some of the same worries. and I'm trying to remind myself to take it one day at a time. the baby doesn't need everything paid for in a week, you'll probably get gifts too. you have 8ish months. settle debts when you can, save tiny bits when you can, and make a spreadsheet like tinkerbelle said. (I plan to do this!)
I also plan to probably apply for assistance from the state. no shame in using resources if they're offered and you need it! I don't have a career yet, so according to the state in my min. wage job I'm hovering around the poverty line, lol. which is fine for supporting myself while I get through school, but with a baby too? nah! I'm gonna take that assistance lol!
I think any pregnant woman is a little stressed and worried at some point. some of us have more on our plate than others. good luck

 

[bridgetboo62]

thanks everyone!
one way or another it will work out for the best

 

[katertots]

I am not a teen mom, but was pregnant at 16 and miscarried. I am now 30 years old and wasnt worried about telling my parents but I am also worried about money. I think in every age form or fashion, wither you make 500 a month or 4000 a month you will be worried about how to provide, how to make it all work.. Dont stress. It will work out

 

[ready4number1]

Hi there. Is there anyway you could enroll in school? Everything you have listed as a means to more money is not concrete. If I were in your situation, I would enroll in school right away. Into a program that may take 2 years to complete, but after you complete it you will make at least $60,000 per year. (I do not know how to convert that into your currency).

If you keep living the way you are now, this situation will be much harder. Are you interested in helping people? Maybe look into nursing, or physical therapy? You have to have income you can save, spend, and live comfortably. It may be good to not worry about moving out right now, you go to school, your boyfriend continues to try to get promoted and stay at your moms house to save.

Good luck with everything

 

[bridgetboo62]

if i went to school no family members would be available to be with the baby
and we dont believe in having a regular baby sitter or nanny because we believe it to be detrimental to a child's development to spend so much time with someone they will never see again after they grow out of needing that person. especially in the first few years of life and especially in the first year of life when a baby is more or less a fetus outside the womb and still developing. they need to spend time around people where they will see their faces and hear their voices for the rest of his/her life. we always planned on me being a stay at home mom for that very important reason and money is not going to change that plan. i was only speaking of getting a temporary job while pregnant and not working after baby is born.

other than that
i told my sister who is 27 and her and her boyfriend of like 7 years just bought their first house. they have a 22 month old and their second child is due at the end of july.
they are being very supportive and said we could move in with them. this makes me feel so much better to have that support and the option. havent told my parents yet but we will after our first appointment and ultrasound a week from today. we are going to make cards with copies of the ultrasound image and its going to say congratulations you will be expecting a new grandchild around (the estimated due date my midwife gives me at the appointment). love bridget and chris. and we are both going to be there and talk to them about it.

 

[ready4number1]

ok

 

[skyesmom]

..and honestly, schooling and having a degree nowadays doesn't guarantee you more money. that was absolutely true for the generations of our parents and grandparents, but for young people of today it absolutely isn't so.

the working situation nowadays is so flexible and variable that vocation-oriented jobs are really becoming an exception today. less and less people live the idea and the reality of keeping the same job or profession for 30 years or so.

a certain degree in something does open doors towards highly specialized professions, but having it doesn't anyhow guarantee you that you'll earn more, be payed honestly, won't be exploited, fired, and so on. more importantly, it doesn't mean you'll WANT to do the same thing until you retire.

(and with a MS and PhD in my pocket, i can tell you that you get exploited at all levels, especially while working to get those titles.)

 

[bridgetboo62]

^i completely agree

 

[Kaeli]

The decision to keep the child it up to you too not your parents. Your parents may have their views but they can't force you into anything. I'm sure their is a school that has a parenting program that allows young parents to bring their child along to lessons. I know there's a few near me. Their is a lot of government support financially and for housing. Gook luck guys. Hope you have a healthy baby xx