Worried husband will never find me sexy again

[IrelandsOwn]

Before I went into labour, my husband and I decided he wouldn't actually watch the baby coming out. In the heat of the moment he was right down there and long story short my daughter was born with her hand against her face and did quite a bit of damage on the way out (three tears and too many stitches to count). I'm worried that he'll never want to have sex with me again after what he saw. Plus, I've had a lot of trouble bfing and my boobs have become asexual. We have family staying at the moment so sex is off the cards for now but I'm really worried he no longer sees me as sexy or attractive. Can anyone else relate?

 

[Juniperjan]

Yes I can relate to this although I didn't have a vaginal birth and so hubby didn't get to see anything like the trauma you had. My daughter is now 5 months old and we have only had sex twice in that time. I just have no sex drive which I think is down to breastfeeding. I think my hubby can't be bothered anyway. He isn't pestering me for sex and even though he hasn't said anything about the way my body looks now, I feel like it has changed so much and that I'll never get it back to the way it was. We have talked about it and I've said that I hope we will get back into our groove soon and he is happy with this. I've got a tonne of stretchmarks on my belly and I'm still carrying about 10lbs over what I was pre pregnancy which doesn't help me feel sexy.

I think you should talk to you OH about how you feel. I definitely felt better after just saying that I was worried that we'd never have sex again etc He reassured me that this wasn't the case and that he wasn't really much in the mood right now with having a new baby and the fact that she is still in the room. It's such a passion killer! I think when she moves to her own room it might be different. I know we could go into a different room but it just shows that neither of us are in the frame of mind just yet.

Sorry for rambling on. I hope things get better soon. I know who you feel as I want to feel sexy too but right now it's just not happening.

 

[Jary]

I agree the best thing to do is talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel and he'll understand.

I didn't tear much at all (only grade one) but still kept bleeding and now cause of my implant I've gone straight from lochia to 'period' plus everything doesn't look how it did so that doesn't help me feel sexy, I've got tonnes of stretch marks as well as a flabby belly and my boobs are being taken over by LO! However my OH still finds my body attractive (tmi but he found helping me pump milk was very very enjoyable for him!) he tells me I'm beautiful and I know he wants to have sex again but he knows (and knew before I said anything) that although I want to I can't yet until I've healed a bit more and also because of the damn bleeding!

OH and I have always talked to each other about our worries so I'm a believer in talking and getting things off our minds. Have a chat when you both have a quiet moment (hard with a newborn I know!)

How I try to get round how I feel is think that the changes to my body are a symbols of being a woman and bringing my beautiful daughter into this world. Sounds like I'm on cloud 9 maybe but it helps turn a negative into a positive.

Sorry I've rambled too!

 

[Dragonfly]

I can relate here. I was mortified when twice my other half was down there and I dont even want to think what he seen. Plus I put on weight since having kids and our sex life has gone. He still wants it but I imagine he imagines someone sexy as thats not me. Its dosnt do wonders for the self esteem at all.

 

[Feline]

Childbirth is a bloody and brutal business and it might well be the case that he was shocked by what he saw ....men often are! However, you may find that whilst it takes him and you time to find your groove again (after the massive life change of having a baby), he has a deeper and more profound love for you after seeing what you went through. This was certainly the case for some of my male friends (can't speak for my OH as I had a c-section...however I'm bf-ing which has rendered sex impossible as too painful so we've only dtd twice since LO arrived and ain't nothing gonna happen soon!).

That deeper love can only enhance your sexual intimacy in the long run.

Good luck.xx

 

[Feronia]

I was worried about DH watching the baby be born, and he was planning on not doing it, but when the time came he watched. Afterwards he said it was awesome, not gross like I was expecting. I didn't tear at all though, but he assures me he still finds me attractive. I agree that it's good to talk about it if you have any concerns!

 

[Dragonfly]

Mine says he dosnt feel like that or care , but dont feel it. Its defo with me an inner thing. Not him but me.