Worries about TTC ?

[ellie]

Hello, I am new to this site, so apologies if this has been discussed elsewhere, I'm still working out what's on here! myself and partner have been together for 6 years and just managed to move from a tiny flat to a lovely big (comparatively!) house ... we always said we would want to have a house to have a baby in ... but the move took a year and a half! and in the meantime I couldnt' wait (i am 36 now he's 37) i was so desparate for a baby (have been for about 5 years but he wasn't ready so was having to wait) - he reluctantly agreed to try about a year ago, it worked straight away but that caused argyuments (we didn't have the room, my job was insecure, etc) and then sadly m/c'd at 7 weeks - we were both devastated and it's only now it feels like we're 'over it' (do you ever get over it?) - anyway long story! but in the meantime i've got a better job with more £ and longer term prospects, we've moved to our lovely house and are going on holiday the 1st week of jan so have agreed to TTC after the holiday ..... however we are both very scared of it happening again, I also worry because he smokes 1 - 2 a day (2 - 3 a day at weekends) which isn't much but he will not give up, nor will he recognise that he may have to think about his part in it! To be fair we do eat healthily, he hardly drinks, he cycles to work and takes whatever vitamins i tell him he needs (!!) .. but over the past couple of years we have 'got together' less and less, so i am also worried that again i will have to put pressure on him 'at the right time' of the month ... sorry if tmi ...!
Sorry for the long note especially as i'm new, i just wondered whether anyone had any tips or experience of any of these things! i am really trying to think positive and visualise us with a baby, trying to eat more healthily and am starting acupuncture ... only 2 more months to go until we can ttc, i hope ... exciting, but nervous because of the m/c and our age etc.
wishing everyone the very best luck and news ....

 

[gnomette]

i dont really know what to say but no you never get over loosin a baby you just learn to live with it! and every one is different but in respect to your partner smokin the only thing i can suggest you ask him to do i ask him to smoke outside! and ttc again with the worry of things happening again you just have to take a leap of faith and hope we had an ep back in september and i was left with only one tube and i have just been told we can start ttc again and i am petrified it'll all happen again but the part of me that wants another baby is stronger than the part of me thats scared if that makes any sence!!
i hope that i have helped take care

 

[Poshie]

Hi ellie, welcome to bnb

I am 32 and my DH is 36. Our plan was to both give up smoking, which I did succesfullly in September. But DH has struggled with it and whilst he has cut down, he still smokes 3-4 about 5 nights a week. The way I look at it though is, we'll ttc as we are and it could be that pg happens fine. If however we start having problems, then he may have to look more seriously about the smoking thing. Like your DH, mine eats healthily and exercises so I'm not unduly worried. I say just go with the flow and see how it goes, you have got pg before after all.

Best of luck to you

 

[colsy]

Hello Ellie, and welcome to BnB.

I had an early m/c in October. No, I don't think you ever "get over it" as such - but you do learn to accept it. Or certainly that's my experience anyway. We started TTC immediately after the m/c. No success yet, but I am sure we will get lucky again soon. I am terrified of having another m/c, but I also realise that I cannot go through life worrying that something-that-probably-won't-happen will happen. I mean, I cross the road, travel on trains, eat Indian takeaways

Like you, we waited until we had a larger house. We were also waiting (without actually discussing it, but we both just thought these things) for a few other things first, but then ... bang! we were on holiday and suddenly we were discussing babies and suddenly there was nothing on earth that mattered more to me ... even though all those things that I was waiting to be sorted out were nowhere near being sorted out. I guess this is what they call your biological clock! I'm also mid-30s so I suppose it's now or never to start TTC.

Anyway, good luck and hope everything works out really well for you. xx

 

[oxSarahxo]

i dont really know what to say but no you never get over loosin a baby you just learn to live with it! and every one is different but in respect to your partner smokin the only thing i can suggest you ask him to do i ask him to smoke outside! and ttc again with the worry of things happening again you just have to take a leap of faith and hope we had an ep back in september and i was left with only one tube and i have just been told we can start ttc again and i am petrified it'll all happen again but the part of me that wants another baby is stronger than the part of me thats scared if that makes any sence!!
i hope that i have helped take care

I completely agree with this.

I don't think losing a baby you ever get over it, be it m/c or still birth or like Jessica dying. Its definately something you just learn to accept over time.



I hope TTC goes well for you, good luck for January.

 

[ellie]

thank you so much everyone, i feel a bit better already!

and thanks oxsarahxo, i am so sorry to read your story, you seem so strong and brave, you totally deserve to have a happy outcome next time ... very best wishes, maybe we will be ttc at the same time too!

 

[Mrs Doddy]

I can totally understand that you are scared and that is perfectly understandable, you both sound like you are both doing what you can to be healthy - we apart from the smoking - but tbh I don't think that a few a week is the end of the world.

Looks like we could be ttc at the same time.

Good luck xx

 

[celine]

When we started ttc i was worried about my hubbys smoking habits, he smokes at work and not with me, however like urs he does cycle to work everyday so he is fit. I try to keep our meals healthy too and we managed to get preg

 

[bellazucca]

Welcome Ellie!

So sorry to hear of your m/c. Good news is your chances of having a second are slim.
As for the smoking...if you can get him to quit that would be wonderful, but don't stress too much. Think about all the rockstars and their crazy lifestyles that end up with beautiful babies!
I wish you the best of luck ttc!!

 

[ellie]

hahah! yes i suppose so ... hmmm i do wonder whether stressing too much about it might be harmful in itself ... wild night out anyone?!?
good luck to everyone and big congrats

 

[callyd]

i worry just because i know it is not as easy and you're brought up to believe...dh and i have no known medical problems but things can pop up out of nowhere. not to be all pessimistic lol but things are complex when it comes to ttc.