Would you be mad?

[Baby Bell]

A little back ground.......my friend and I have been best friend since we were 15, we are to be each other's bridesmaids in our forthcoming weddings. My friends wedding is in October 2015 and mine january 2016.

My friend is getting married in a hotel 3hrs away and wants everyone going to the wedding to stay the night before and the night of the wedding (only 34 guests) initially she had said she would be paying for all the guests to stay there, but now (although she's not directly said it). I think they have changed their minds. It's a really nice hotel and I think she is trying to get a group discount, but still out of our normal price range. She's then having a reception in our town on the Saturday. So more money spent on drinks etc. I don't really mind any of this and under other circumstances would be able to save no problem, but we have our own wedding to pay for in the January after.

Anyway she's now set her heart on a hen weekend at Alton towers. Iv already saiid I'm having a quiet henna in dundee cause I can't afford anything more, so she's aware I don't have a lot of money to spend. Would you be mad if you were her and your best friend said she couldn't make her hen weekend, especially with so much warning? I just can't see how we can afford it, that plus it would mean we couldn't even afford yo treat DS to day trips next summer if I did go. iv got a decent enough job but OHs work is messing him around and my wages pretty much are paying for the flat, child are, our wedding all household expenses, and OHs the running of the car, food shop and council tax. And that's our money spent it's just causing me so much stress trying to factor in my friends wedding too. Our wedding is local, so she will just have to pay for drinks and kilt hire for her oh.

 

[Blah11]

I'd try and save a little each week starting now. Even just a few quid will add up! I took my baby on my best friends hen weekend and flying to Greece with 3 kids for the wedding! So could be worse lol

 

[Baby Bell]

I could try, but I couldn't garuntee I'd save enough. But il certainly try. I'm also worried she's expecting me to arrange it. I don't mind the actual organising, I just couldn't afford to pay for other people and wait for them to give me money.......I'm hoping her other bridesmaid will do it, but she lives near London I know it's ages away and I love my best friend dearly I just don't want to let her down

 

[sethsmummy]

hun you need to tell her this. its the only way to sort it out and stop the worry. I wouldnt have been annoyed if any of my friend hadnt made it to my hen night. But I think you should deff bring it up with her (i know it might be a hard subject to bring up but it needs done). I am sure she will understand hun especially since you have your own wedding shortly afterwards! You shouldnt feel you have to scrimp and not give your son what he deserves just for a friends hen night/wedding. your family expenses always come first.

The fact that she is having 3 seperate occasions which lets face it are going to be pretty costly to you (actual wedding/paying for your hotel room for 2 nights in a hotel that you wouldnt pay to use otherwise and then a seperate function). If i were in your shoes id certainly bring it up and also tell her that im sorry but we cannot afford to pay to stay in the hotel for two nights (could you afford one?) and you will either go home and travel or find a cheaper hotel locally??

oh and as for the hen night? can i ask why youd be asked to pay out of pocket for everyone?? Iv heard of this before but dont understand why people do it? for mine nothing was booked till everyone was in agreement on what we were doing and any money needed was handed over. (they hired me a limo which we all paid towards inc myself and then we just had a night out).

really sorry your having to feel so stressed out over someone elses wedding plans when youv got your own to worry about at the same time xxx

 

[lau86]

I would be annoyed. It seems to be the done thing now for everyone to have a big hen weekend somewhere. I wanted everyone to come so we went out for a meal and night out then everyone crashed at my flat. Even that would've been expensive to some people coming.
It's fine for her to choose to have her hen do there but she can't expect you to come if you can't afford it and she won't pay for you. Even if you are bridesmaids for each other.

 

[Lauraxamy]

I think you just need to tell her all of this, if she's your best friend she'll understand. I'd want my best friend there so i'd either rearrange plans, or I'd help her out with the money or something so definitely tell her

 

[Baby Bell]

Thanks everyone. Iv just spoken to my mum about it, she suggested what a pp has said, to try and find a cheaper hotel close by and stay there (I don't know why I didn't think of it ) hopefully she won't mind, I know she imagines all us girls in one room with the flowergirl, doing girly things whilst the men and page boy (DS) are in the bar having a relaxing drink, but we can still do that up to a point whilst staying in another hotel or B&B.

My mum has said if it comes to it I can use her tesco clubcard points for Alton towers to help with that as well. (What would I do without my mum lol) but I'm def going to have to speak to her. I wouldn't ever expect for my bestie to pay for my place on the hen weekend, I didn't expect for her to pay for our hotel but they said that was the plan to pay for everyone.......so I didn't really think about the cost of the hotel until it started to become clear from her chatting away that they ditched the original plan.

 

[jd83]

If it were my best friend, I'd have to find a way to make it work. The cheaper hotel nearby sounds like a good alternative. I'd also be completely up front with her about finances, just in case she is planning to have you plan the hen thing. That way she doesn't have unrealistic expectations of some lavish weekend that you really can't afford with your own wedding coming up as well. Honestly, I don't really get the whole "hen weekend" thing. Maybe that's more of a thing where you are from, though. Where I live, the bride and her friends typically just do a night out, or a day out with an overnight stay, but definitely not a whole weekend. Anyways, I do think you need to talk with her, as she IS your best friend, so its best if she is on the same page with you about expenses, what you can and can't afford, what you are willing/not willing to plan, that way feelings aren't hurt later, or issues don't come up later.

 

[Baby Bell]

If it were my best friend, I'd have to find a way to make it work. The cheaper hotel nearby sounds like a good alternative. I'd also be completely up front with her about finances, just in case she is planning to have you plan the hen thing. That way she doesn't have unrealistic expectations of some lavish weekend that you really can't afford with your own wedding coming up as well. Honestly, I don't really get the whole "hen weekend" thing. Maybe that's more of a thing where you are from, though. Where I live, the bride and her friends typically just do a night out, or a day out with an overnight stay, but definitely not a whole weekend. Anyways, I do think you need to talk with her, as she IS your best friend, so its best if she is on the same page with you about expenses, what you can and can't afford, what you are willing/not willing to plan, that way feelings aren't hurt later, or issues don't come up later.

Hen weekends have become more and more popular over last couple of years I think. It depends really on the bride and her hens. We are beasties but we have different group of friends, so my friends mostly have kiddies etc I wouldn't ask them to leave for a weekend where as majority of hers don't. I'm going to talk to her on Friday, even just to put the idea of others expenses in her mind. I just don't want to upset her, I love her to bits, I'm just going to search cheaper accommodation at the minute. Thank you all for being understanding

 

[jd83]

Hopefully she will be understanding

 

[seoj]

Personally, I think that if you plan a wedding and you are asking people to fly somewhere or stay some place spendy, then you should *expect* that not everyone can afford it all.

I'm sure being your close friend she'll understand that you'll do all you can though.

 

[AP]

If it was me and my best friend, we'd understand. I am sure she will, just explain the situation and perhaps you can come to some middle ground

 

[MrsMandy]

Everyone has given you fab ideas so I won't just repeat what everyone has but if it helps with the organising of the Alton towers weekend, we are doing this very thing next weekend for my friends hen. We used a company called freedom who sort the whole thing and everyone can pay in installments to the company - you even as the organiser won't be held responsible for anyone else's payments! It was as godsend for us!!!

They're prices are incredible too - they have exclusive deals that you can't even get going direct to Alton towers!!

https://www.freedomltd.com/hen-nights/hen-search/

Just type Alton towers into the search bar and they have 4 package options starting at £99 for the whole weekend with hotel and meal!!

 

[Baby Bell]

Everyone has given you fab ideas so I won't just repeat what everyone has but if it helps with the organising of the Alton towers weekend, we are doing this very thing next weekend for my friends hen. We used a company called freedom who sort the whole thing and everyone can pay in installments to the company - you even as the organiser won't be held responsible for anyone else's payments! It was as godsend for us!!!

They're prices are incredible too - they have exclusive deals that you can't even get going direct to Alton towers!!

https://www.freedomltd.com/hen-nights/hen-search/

Just type Alton towers into the search bar and they have 4 package options starting at £99 for the whole weekend with hotel and meal!!

Brilliant thank you x

 

[MrsMandy]

Your welcome xx
They have been fab for us, I can't recommended the company more!