Would you use a name that...

[Laeyla]

DH and I are still debating a boy name. When we had our first son 5 years ago this name was #2 on our list. And for a month or two after I secretly kinda wished we had went with it instead of the one we did use.

Now we are expecting baby #3 and we both still love this name BUT my son is now friends with a boy who had a baby brother that passed away and this was his name. My son and the older brother aren't very close (yet) but I do also text with the Mom fairly often and they were in daycare together over the summer and are in the same class so the potential for them to be best buds is there. Sleepovers have been in the talks lately too.

Because of this I feel like I can't use that name. My DH doesn't agree with me and wants to use it but I dunno....i just feel like I can't.

Would you use it?

 

[staralfur]

That’s a tough one. I’d say if you feel like you’re close enough with her to just straight up ask her if she would feel hurt by it then maybe that’s the best way to sort it. And if you’re not close enough to ask her... maybe you’re not close enough that it would be an issue?

I think for me it would also depend on how common the name was. If it’s something that’s not heard very often I’d be less comfortable using it as the association would probably be closer. But if it’s something that they’re probably going to run into a lot anyway I wouldn’t be so concerned about avoiding it.

 

[sevenofnine]

That’s a tough one. I’d say if you feel like you’re close enough with her to just straight up ask her if she would feel hurt by it then maybe that’s the best way to sort it. And if you’re not close enough to ask her... maybe you’re not close enough that it would be an issue?

I think for me it would also depend on how common the name was. If it’s something that’s not heard very often I’d be less comfortable using it as the association would probably be closer. But if it’s something that they’re probably going to run into a lot anyway I wouldn’t be so concerned about avoiding it.

I agree with everything the pp said.

Xx

 

[sevenofnine]

That’s a tough one. I’d say if you feel like you’re close enough with her to just straight up ask her if she would feel hurt by it then maybe that’s the best way to sort it. And if you’re not close enough to ask her... maybe you’re not close enough that it would be an issue?

I think for me it would also depend on how common the name was. If it’s something that’s not heard very often I’d be less comfortable using it as the association would probably be closer. But if it’s something that they’re probably going to run into a lot anyway I wouldn’t be so concerned about avoiding it.

I agree with everything the pp said.

Xx

 

[Zephram]

I agree that you should just raise the subject with her if you're close enough to have that conversation. If you're just acquaintances because your kids are friends, then I think it would be less of an issue, especially if it's a common name anyway.

 

[LoraLoo]

Its a tricky one. Id be really upset if any if my friends used the name Eve, thankfully i dont think any of my friends would. My cousin named her baby Eden and that narked me too. I guess if it was just an acquaintance it wouldnt hurt as much. If youre set on the name i would give the Mum a heads up and let her know in advance. I wouldnt ask 'permission' or ask if she would mind because what will you do if she says yes she minds? I would just gently explain that you love the name youve picked, that you acknowkedge its a sensitive issue and wanted her to know in advance. Thats what i would be appreciate anyways.

 

[WackyMumof2]

I would. No one 'owns' a name. We had Nykita-Rose picked out when I was pregnant with DS1 before we came across Kairi and my so-called best friend at the time got all butt hurt and septic claiming we 'stole' her name (Rose). Truth be told, we couldn't figure out anything else for Nykita and we had no idea that she'd picked it out. She demanded we 'change it because she had it first' and I told her to 'go f**k herself' because I wasn't changing something to suit her shade of green. If you like it, use it.

 

[staralfur]

I would. No one 'owns' a name. We had Nykita-Rose picked out when I was pregnant with DS1 before we came across Kairi and my so-called best friend at the time got all butt hurt and septic claiming we 'stole' her name (Rose). Truth be told, we couldn't figure out anything else for Nykita and we had no idea that she'd picked it out. She demanded we 'change it because she had it first' and I told her to 'go f**k herself' because I wasn't changing something to suit her shade of green. If you like it, use it.

To be fair I think there’s a big difference between someone laying claim to a name for a hypothetical baby and someone potentially being hurt by a friend using the name of their deceased child.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I would. No one 'owns' a name. We had Nykita-Rose picked out when I was pregnant with DS1 before we came across Kairi and my so-called best friend at the time got all butt hurt and septic claiming we 'stole' her name (Rose). Truth be told, we couldn't figure out anything else for Nykita and we had no idea that she'd picked it out. She demanded we 'change it because she had it first' and I told her to 'go f**k herself' because I wasn't changing something to suit her shade of green. If you like it, use it.

To be fair I think there’s a big difference between someone laying claim to a name for a hypothetical baby and someone potentially being hurt by a friend using the name of their deceased child.

Big difference, totally agree. Thank you

 

[second.time]

That is a tough one. On the one hand, in the past I've avoided names for reasons that then turned out to be irrelevant. Like once I avoided a name because another mom was using it, but we ended up not staying in touch at all, and now it feels silly. So if you don't get close to this particular family, a few years down the road you might regret not using that name because you no longer know them anyway. But it sounds like a good friendship is growing, and also since it's an issue of a deceased child, not just using the same name, it's probably wise to talk to the mom about it.

I'd let her know that it's a name you've loved a long time and were going to use for your older DS, because I think that makes a difference. It shows it's not impulsive and is something that you truly have your own reasons for. And I agree, if it's a very unique name, that's different from a popular or well-known name like Michael, Thomas, etc.

 

[WackyMumof2]

To be fair I think there’s a big difference between someone laying claim to a name for a hypothetical baby and someone potentially being hurt by a friend using the name of their deceased child.

That is a completely different story and I agree. But I personally wouldn't mind if they either genuinely like the name or they wanted to name their child after the one that was lost. But if it's just a bitch move, I'd be angry.

 

[Reiko_ctu]

Definitely a different scenario than just having your name snaked. We have 5 friends due before us but we've picked out our names and will go with them no matter if one of them uses it. I would try and pick another name probably, you might not be in touch with them forever but if it does end up being a closer relationship I couldn't help but think I was reminder her of her loss more often than necessary. I think if you try really hard you will fall in love with another name! My SIL had a close friend snake her exact first and middle name a few months before her baby was born, and they found a different name. I can tell you the little one fits her new name perfectly!