Wtt ( his emotions) lost and confused

Mackenzie123

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Okay so here it is.. I'm 22 been in a relationship for a year and started having baby fever about 6-8 months in. Keep in mind I've known this guy for about 7 years and we finally decided to give it a try we got our own place 8 months in and it's been going great until recently where iv kinda been pushing the baby subject and I've been carefull to watch what I say soni don't push him away or scare him for that matter.. He knew how I felt about wanting chilling wanting to get married blah blah. And he was perfectly fine with it I even woke up to a few texts really early in the morning with a list of baby names and id want a boy no a girl. It had me memorized by all of it fell in love all over again.. But recently in our relationship he's changed a bit. And it's confusing for me.. But long story short .I wanted to knowing it is wrong for me to want a child so early in a relationship.. I wanna know how his mind has changed so much.. So fast.. And I wanna know why he makes me feel so blah when italk about wanting kids.. I know he's not ready yet but I was hoping he would be.. I have endodometrosis and I'm not gunna have another five years to think about it.. And I don't have a few years for him to decide he never wants kids.. I truly wish I could explain exactly how I felt..
 
I think that there is a good possibility that he does want children in the future, but just isn't ready quite yet. I know what it is like feeling like you are in a rush, especially when you aren't sure how long it will take you to conceive, but (i'm sorry I hated when people said this to me) you are still young and have lots of time. I know that I had baby fever for a verrrrrryyyy long time before we started ttc, but if I brought it up to my husband he would brush it off. I always thought he was being insensitive, but he just wasnt ready and didn't want to get my hopes up. Once he was ready, he was just as excited as me. Good luck.
 
I don't think it's wrong to think about a future with someone so early in a relationship, but at the same time, I do think it's healthy to be realistic about it. A year is not a long time to really get to know who someone is beyond the initial excitement of a new relationship. Even if you've known each other for a long time, being friends is different than being in a relationship, particularly one where you're living together and dealing with all the mundane things that go along with having a family and a home. The fun, spontaneous exciting person you first get to know when you are dating is not necessarily the person you'll be spending years of sleepless nights with when you have a small child or the person who will need to remember to empty the bin or wash the dishes or pay the bills. The little challenges and cracks in a relationship often don't show until the stresses of the mundane start to pile on top of you (and nothing is better at piling them on top of you than having a child together). Being co-parents means you'll be stuck with each other for the rest of your lives, even if your relationship doesn't work out. You'll always be in each others lives, having to figure out how to split your child's time between the two of you, and dealing with potential step-parents raising your child. It's a huge commitment, and if you don't think you're both in a place where you would go and get married today, then I would ease off on the rush to have a baby until you're more sure of what the future holds. You obviously don't need to be married to be together and have a baby, but if that seems like a big step and more of a commitment than either of you is ready for, then a baby is an even bigger one (at least a marriage you can annul and go on and live your lives as if nothing ever happened).

You have to both be totally in this for it to work and if he's backing off, it could be he just doesn't feel ready to make that sort of commitment so early in your relationship, which is totally reasonable. I would just ease off and enjoy your time together (time you won't really have much of if you have a baby) and see where things go. You might find in time that you're both totally on the same page and ready to make such a big commitment, or you might find your initial impression was totally wrong and he's not the sort of person you would want to commit to raising a child with. Certainly, when I was 21/22, I thought I'd met that person too after only a year and wanted to have a baby. We waited and didn't and it turned out, years down the road, that he was a complete lying cheating jerk. I'm so glad I didn't rush into things before I really had a sense of the person I was rushing into them with. I didn't meet my husband and have our first until nearly a decade later and that ended up being perfect. I am so much happier than I ever could have been and I have my daughter because I waited and met someone who I actually got to know and live life with before we jumped head first into parenting.

As for the endo, don't let it put pressure on you either. One of my best friends also has endo and suffers quite badly with it. She waited until she was 39 to get pregnant with her first (not because of fertility issues, just because she was traveling and working and enjoying life and not settled down yet). Then she met someone and it all happened really quickly. Her daughter was born just after she turned 40 with no issues at all. So it doesn't necessarily need to be a factor at all.
 
I have a similar problem right now.
I am 23. My husband is 36. We are together for more than 5 years. And we have always talked about children in the way "When we have a child we will let him/her do that..." and so on.
So now we are in a stage when we will start ttc in less than 2 months. I definitely have baby fever. So for the last couple of months I started reading more about pregnancy, how to prepare my body and so on. Reading about these topics I happen to read also interesting facts about giving birth and about newborns. And I want to share these interesting things with my husband, but he started getting annoyed. Each time he tells me that I am getting obsessed.
The problem is that I am really organised person and try to pan and prepare everything in time. So when we are going on vacation for example and preparing it I keep talking about it, it is not a problem. He is perfectly fine with it. When we were buying a house and all we talked about was what we want and what we don't, it was fine. But now when I talk about setting up the nursery or what we should expect as side effect of the pregnancy, he gets very passive. Doesn't have any opinion and if I mention these topics for more than 3 times during the week he gets annoyed.
The only time he says anything about this baby or pregnancy is when I ask him a concrete question.
Don't get me wrong. He is up to it, because when I gave him the fertility vitamins I bought for him he started taking them right away and does so every evening.
But I need to share this passion of mine with him. He is my partner and I have nobody else to share my baby fever with. After all, friends and family get excited after you get pregnant or after giving birth. So now when I want to share something with him I can't because I hate his reaction.
A few weeks ago I told him that I need to hear from him that he really wants this child without asking him. Since then he made just one comment that indicated that he really wants this child.
Last week we visited a shopping center. There was a baby shop. I saw maternity clothes and got curious. And I have visited baby shops just couple of times years ago when I needed to buy some present. So I asked my husband to go in. He got angry. Said he does not want to think about thinks that haven't happened yet and that I am rushing into things too much. Of course I got really upset.
Now I am counting the days till we start ttc and trying not to mention about these things to my husband. But I guess you can imagine how difficult this is.
 

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