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[scottishgal89]

..

 

[hancake100]

hi hun sorry to hear about everything that is going on, I have no experience with this (but I think the same may happen to me) So I am interested in what people will have to say.

I did look into it a little while back though and it will always go in the mothers favor and things on your terms. If you have other people to back you up with the way fob is towards you then I have been told this helps, As my fob can get very nasty towards me also not physical but verbal and i feel bullied and puts me in deep depression.

You will not have to let anything happen that you dont want to happen. I also know what you mean about the family, fob has not grown up in a loving family orientated family and so has rubbed off on him and his dad has seen my lo 3times since she has been born which I think is disgusting.

I could never part with lo for a few hours in the day knowing that she is at her dads as it is far from my house and the fact that when he is with her he doesn't really bother that much with her, football and computer games are much more important!
So I think everything like that will add up and everything will and should go in your favor. xxx

 

[scottishgal89]

thanks for your reply.
i am sorry that you have ended up in this same kind of situation!
i am hoping someone on here can help us.
totally agree with the computer games and football coming first.
its a total joke
xx

 

[lou_w34]

No, he will never ever win! I dont have much advice, but i no he wont.
You are her mother and have been the constant figure in her life, they would never give him overnight access.
And do you mean he has told his solicitor that you have been taking her out of hospital when you shouldnt?? because the hospital can tell the court that you havent, so he will been seen as a liar straight away!

I hope this gets sorted asap



xx

 

[Aidedhoney]

Hiya hun,

I did look in to when we first split and from what i can gather no overnight access will be granted until the child reaches 2 or 3 at least.
Also because there is a pre existing medical condition you can so no to overnight access ( i know in my case with Alexs heart defect i can say no)

In terms of a baby most judges will rule in a mothers favor. Normally some form of family meditation is tried before it can go to court. For the case to go to court it can and will take years during this time you are allowed to with hold access.

I would imagine the best he would get would be supervised access in a family centre. Looks like he is trying to call your bluff.

If i were you i would get a solicitor and start a diary of things he says and does.

Good luck xx

 

[scottishgal89]

Hiya hun,

I did look in to when we first split and from what i can gather no overnight access will be granted until the child reaches 2 or 3 at least.
Also because there is a pre existing medical condition you can so no to overnight access ( i know in my case with Alexs heart defect i can say no)

In terms of a baby most judges will rule in a mothers favor. Normally some form of family meditation is tried before it can go to court. For the case to go to court it can and will take years during this time you are allowed to with hold access.

I would imagine the best he would get would be supervised access in a family centre. Looks like he is trying to call your bluff.

If i were you i would get a solicitor and start a diary of things he says and does.

Good luck xx

hiya.
thanks very much for your reply.
sophie cannot go to a contact centre due to being in isolation so he doesnt have a choice at the moment to be honest.
i already have a lawyer, so does he, quite a few letters have gone back and forward now.
the one i recieved today was full of lies and i will be writing a lengthy reply to inform his lawyer of the true story, the whole thing is ridiculous.
he gave me two options and said if i dont choose one then he will take court action. i am not agreeing to either option so im sure he will take me to court.
the guys an idiot. lying always comes back to bite ya in the bum!
i also have a diary and lots of evidence so he's shooting himself in the foot really
xx

 

[Aidedhoney]

Silly man eh.....xx

 

[Maffie]

Scottish law is different to English law so not sure of all the ins and outs. Would you be happy for fob to see lo at a contact center?

 

[sweetlullaby]

Hey hun You are one strong mummy hun, dealing with all this crap from FOB and Sophie being so ill

First question I have Is he on the birth certificate hun?

Im not 100% on this because Scottish law differs slightly but if he isn't on the birth certificate he will firstly have to apply to the court for an article 8 order for parental responsibility (men always assume this means rights pppfftt!). The court have to inform you of this etc and I think you can hold it off and say no.

He has a solicitor who has probably told him straight out that court is a long lengthy battle and that he could end up with very little to no access (especially with sophie's illness and being in isolation etc). The solicitor has probably said to him to "threaten" you with court because most people think court and full custody and that frightens them and sends them into a panic then they go for some kind of access because they are afraid of the "unknown" (for a better word lol).

A judge is always always going to go in the child's best interests and it is probably not in Sophies best interests to leave the house etc with her being in isolation and as it is YOUR home you have every right under the sun to refuse him access to your home without even giving a reason for it.

Just calm down hun and try not to worry xx

 

[sue247]

I was also going to ask if his name is on the birth certificate. Also, did you contact the police about the violence, do you have a record of that? I don't know about the scottish system either though.

 

[midori1999]

I'm assuming he's taking you to court for access rather than custody?

It is extremely likely the courts will grant him some sort of access as they will almost certainly feel it is in her best interests. That might be access at a contact centre, but if your little girl isn't well enough for that and you are genuinely worried he will take her, it may be in your home with a social worker or other third party present.

I know it must be hard to imagine it, but some of the most abusive husbands/partners can still be very good fathers. If he is not really that interested in her, but trying to get at you, then the less opposed to him you are, the more likely it is he'll get bored of it all and give up trying to see your daughter.

 

[emmajayne]

Hi im not sure about scottish law either. If his name is on birth certificate since think its 2003 he gets automatic parental responsibility.
may get social worker to assess you both and then she will be able to see your little one is in isolation and will go in report.
Also cafcass officers similiar to social worker but u wud not have both.
Make sure u keep everything, texts, record phone call ,
Hopefully he will tiddle off and leave u 2 to get on.
Just hang in there i know its hard and very very scary.

 

[scottishgal89]

Scottish law is different to English law so not sure of all the ins and outs. Would you be happy for fob to see lo at a contact center?

sophie cant go to a contact centre due to being in isolation x

 

[scottishgal89]

Hey hun You are one strong mummy hun, dealing with all this crap from FOB and Sophie being so ill

First question I have Is he on the birth certificate hun?

Im not 100% on this because Scottish law differs slightly but if he isn't on the birth certificate he will firstly have to apply to the court for an article 8 order for parental responsibility (men always assume this means rights pppfftt!). The court have to inform you of this etc and I think you can hold it off and say no.

He has a solicitor who has probably told him straight out that court is a long lengthy battle and that he could end up with very little to no access (especially with sophie's illness and being in isolation etc). The solicitor has probably said to him to "threaten" you with court because most people think court and full custody and that frightens them and sends them into a panic then they go for some kind of access because they are afraid of the "unknown" (for a better word lol).

A judge is always always going to go in the child's best interests and it is probably not in Sophies best interests to leave the house etc with her being in isolation and as it is YOUR home you have every right under the sun to refuse him access to your home without even giving a reason for it.

Just calm down hun and try not to worry xx

thanks hunni
yeah he is on the birth certificate.
i think he will take me to court, hes unemployed and will get legal aid so to be honest he has nothing to lose.
just got to wait and see but i dont know how it all works and it makes me really anxious
xxx

 

[scottishgal89]

I was also going to ask if his name is on the birth certificate. Also, did you contact the police about the violence, do you have a record of that? I don't know about the scottish system either though.

thanks for your reply!
yes his name is on the birth certificate.
the police do have a record of the assault. it wasnt given at the time but i couldnt charge him as had no evidence- there was no-one else there when it happened and he doesnt think he did anything wrong.

 

[scottishgal89]

I'm assuming he's taking you to court for access rather than custody?

It is extremely likely the courts will grant him some sort of access as they will almost certainly feel it is in her best interests. That might be access at a contact centre, but if your little girl isn't well enough for that and you are genuinely worried he will take her, it may be in your home with a social worker or other third party present.

I know it must be hard to imagine it, but some of the most abusive husbands/partners can still be very good fathers. If he is not really that interested in her, but trying to get at you, then the less opposed to him you are, the more likely it is he'll get bored of it all and give up trying to see your daughter.

thanks very much for your reply, i completely agree with what you have said.
yeah he's trying to get access. i stopped it due to him distressing sophie while she was ill, mentally abusing me- so i no longer let him in the house and sophie cant go anywhere else.
for me it isnt an option for him to come here even supervised. i do not want him in my home under any circumstances.
if he wanted to be a father and acted like it and was interested in his daughter i would understand but he really doesnt. he's not interested at all.
i hope he'll get bored too to be honest but hes that stubborn that i bet he would take me all the way, purely to try and hurt me. not for my daughters best interests. makes me mad

 

[scottishgal89]

Hi im not sure about scottish law either. If his name is on birth certificate since think its 2003 he gets automatic parental responsibility.
may get social worker to assess you both and then she will be able to see your little one is in isolation and will go in report.
Also cafcass officers similiar to social worker but u wud not have both.
Make sure u keep everything, texts, record phone call ,
Hopefully he will tiddle off and leave u 2 to get on.
Just hang in there i know its hard and very very scary.

thanks for your reply, yes it is scary but i know i havent done anything wrong so all i can do is tell the truth and hope they realise what im talking about.
im not sure what route he'll go down but i think i'll hear pretty quick- some point next week probably.

 

[flubdub]

Wha an awful situation, I am so sorry. I have been in similar situations, but nowhere near as bad.
Does/Will he get legal aid? If he doesnt, you will soon see if he ACTUALLY wants to see your lo as without Legal Aid it will cost him a fortune, and if he is just doing it to piss you off, he wont want to pay for it.
Also, have you thought about a restrianing order? If you got one of those to keep him away from you and your lo, you would be safer, and it would also go against him should it go to court.
Has he ever been convicted/had a warning about his behaviour?
Should it go to court, the judge will not allow him to see your lo unsupervised. If he was granted contact, it would most likely go to a contact centre, but this isnt usually a permanent situation, and would most likely have a time limit on it (eg 3 months) unless of course he is clearly, and can be proven to be a violent man.
Does your lo know who he is?
Will she be in hospital for a long time?
Can you think of a reason why he is saying all this now? I mean, has something happened recently, like you got a new partner, or a new job, something thats made him jealous? If this is the case, hes likely to get bored soon and leave you alone.
I probably shouldnt suggest this, but I have an ex partner that I wouldnt want around my kids either so I can sympathise, but Could you move? Is it possible? Leave the area and leave no clues as to where you go? Its just a thought, although a lot of people may disagree, however I wouldnt want someone that beat me when I was pregnant round me or my lo either.
My first step would be maybe to get a good solicitor and read up on restraining orders. There are steps that police can take to prevent him leaving the country with your lo if that is a worry. Does he have parental responsibilty? Does your lo have his surname? Sorry, lots of questions for you, but iv done a lot of this before and want to help you. Feel free to pm me if you'd rather

 

[flubdub]

Sorry, you have answered a lot of my questions already on here x

 

[flubdub]

In Scotland, since 4th May 2006, unmarried fathers acquire Parental Responsibility if they are present to register as the child's father at the Registry Office and their name is put on the child's birth certificate. However, the law is not retrospective and for all unmarried fathers whose name is not on their child's birth certificate and whose child was born before 1st December 2003 or 4th May 2006 it is still necessary to sign a Parental Responsibility Agreement with the mother or to apply for a court order for Parental Responsibility.