Your own arrangement V'S CSA. What worked best for you????

[shazmos]

Hi Girls.

Ive been seperated since 2008 and the ex has always given me cash fornightly for my 2 sons.

That is, however, untill his mortgage, bills, loans got in the way and now he seems to just pay me 'as and when'. To be honest this hasn't been too much of a problem for me up until recently. Call me a soft touch if you like.

But when he says he doesn't have any money to give me, yet has lads holidays booked, money for clothes and too go out etc etc it makes my ackles raise slightly, OK A LOT!!!!!!!

Bascially i would love some advice from you lovely ladies about what has worked best for you.....

Iv'e threatened (not the best word) CSA with him on a few occasions and he has said 'if i don't have it i can't give it to you, as soon as i have money you can have some' and makes me feel slightly guilty that im being demanding, but other times i just think im just being 'mugged off' and the maintenence he gives me is after he has 'sorted himself out' etc etc.

Now I know if i go down the CSA route, things could get quite nasty, but to be honest we don't get on at all anyway.

Advice and opinions please.

xxxx

 

[MrsKippling]

Iv'e threatened (not the best word) CSA with him on a few occasions and he has said 'if i don't have it i can't give it to you, as soon as i have money you can have some' and makes me feel slightly guilty that im being demanding, but other times i just think im just being 'mugged off' and the maintenence he gives me is after he has 'sorted himself out' etc etc.

I agree with the bit in bold tbh, sounds like he is taking you for a ride...Surely making sure his children are provided for should come before lads holidays and clothes etc etc....
I have a private arrangment in place and it has always worked for us but if he started messing me around i would threaten CSA once and give him a chance to sort himself out then i would go to them but make sure he knew that is what i had done.
Hope you get it sorted xxx

 

[Kacie]

Sounds like he did ok to start with, then struggled and because you were nice about it and let him off, he thought he'd try and push his luck a little.. if that worked and you didn't complain then he probably held off a bit longer on paying, etc..

.. basically I think his priorities seem to have shifted because he can now get away with spending the money on himself.

A threat of CSA probably wouldn't go amiss.. I know the CSA process can be long and arduous so if you go down that route be prepared for not receiving any maintenace for a while until it is sorted.

xx

 

[billy2mm]

get onto the CSA asap. his kids arent a "luxury" that he can pay for when he has anything left over they are a priority just like his mortage, gas, leccy and food!

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

CSA is probably the scariest 3 letters a man can hear! its ridiculous they arej ust simply scared of commiting themselves to an arrangement when it involoves money unless its things that benefit themselves such as "lads holidays" CSA is definetly the best route to go down that way he needs to set his limits on life around his child and not just himself..if that means he cant afford a holiday then so be it! us mothers have done without plenty of things when it has come to our babys!! id defo take him to CSA that way no arguments or friction...set days set money..no need for arguing!! x

 

[bloodbinds]

He should be paying his maintenance first and then living off whatever he has left.

I'd start going through CSA, can't hurt to try, if he gets a call off them it might buck his ideas up and he'll start paying you regularly. He has to remember that you have bills too, and not only that, but you have little mouths to feed, and bedrooms to keep warm, and new shoes to buy, clothes that they constantly grow out of, etc. You need to remind him of this. You have all the same expenses as him times a thousand, lol.
Give CSA a call, give over his details and let them do the rest, they will take the money straight from his wages so he never even sees the money and only gets what is left after the maintenance has been taken out. Serves him right for not putting his kids before paying for new clothes and holidays, cheeky sod! Lol. x

 

[chels24uk]

I had a private arrangment with my ex, but he didnt once cough up the money and I wasnt asking for much. So went to CSA and suprise suprise, as soon as he recieved the letter he was on the phone to me pleading poverty. Like i really care as he pretty much abandoned his son and unborn baby. Hes made 3 payments of £20 since, but im not calling off CSA. Once they do kick in, yes i will recieve less money as hes on the dole, but it means that he cant NOT pay something and if and once he gets a job, i will know about it and can make sure my kids get the money they deserve which I am hopeing to put into their bank accounts for their futures.
So go to CSA if hes making excuses, kids come first. Id kill to go on a girly holiday, but I have a baby to prepare for and a son who seems to outgrow his clothes every couple of weeks!

 

[angelpkj]

the deal with my FOB is he was giving me a tenner a week cause "thats all he can afford" baby not here yet
i think he can afford more than a tenner a week as he often tells me he's spent 20 quid on gamblers n stuff and like your fob manages to go out and do lad stuff

past 2 weeks he's "forgot" to not put any money in the bank

so i think thats the start of him stopping paying and messing me about and our deal was i will give him the chance to put money in my bank without involving the CSA and if he fucks up i will go CSA

so when baby born i shall be going down that path possibly,he doesn't currently work but seems to have money for himself so i'll prob only get a fiver off him via CSA but its more me wanting to make him face up to responsibility and make a commitment

 

[Weeplin]

I would defo get onto the CSA hon, sounds like he is taking you for a bit of a ride. His child should be his first priority, not lads holidays or whatever else he spends his cash on.

I get CSA for my daughter and money privately for my son (they have diff dads) and both work well for me and so far my sons dad hasn't failed in putting the cash in my account but I get on with him and I think that's one of the key things you need in order to do it privately.

Hope you get it sorted hon x